I can't begin to say how frustrated and angry I am right now with my father and his wife and just feel like giving up and telling them to get on with it.

My father married a women many years ago who my sister and I never liked and things have only grown worse over the years.    Because the relationship between all 3 of us is so strained, communication is practically non-existent and whatever my sister and I say to my father he always sides with his wife. This women has a wicked mouth on her and can bring you down in a second so we try to avoid confrontation with her.  

They are very fortunate to be able to live in a nice retirement home, where they've been for the past year.  My father's health for his age, is excellent and he has no major problems at all, on the other hand she has many problems including incontinence.   They both refuse help with their bathing and any other services that the home has to offer and each time I’ve spoken to my father about this he has agreed to the help but always refuses when the time comes. The home does their washing for them but all they ever give them is underwear and socks, never pants or sweaters and they wear the same things over and over again.  I’ve asked them to take their clothes and wash them myself but they say no.  The staff noticed on one occasion an odour from her and has told me that they have no hesitation in giving them a warning letter should someone complain again. 

Because of the way our relationship is, it impossible to talk to her without her getting angry and nasty so we just talk to my Dad whenever we can get him alone. 

Things would be so different if this were my father and mother but it’s not and it’s so very difficult to deal with.  I feel like I’m the only one in this kind of situation and honestly don’t know which way to turn.