Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
1st time posting here.
my mom who is 78 COPD oxygen 24/7 in need of assistance at home. Well it seemed natural for me to do it as I was the one already doing most everything. I never had a healthy relationship with her she has done and said some pretty ugly things starting when I was young. Try as I would I could never get it right. Always seeking her love and approval but never getting it, without the what if you and the but it could have been from her.
The decision was made that I was going to move in with her to help, discussed that this was not going to be easy, that we both needed to establish boundries I HAVE NOT EVEN MOVED IN YET.To keep it short things just are not working, I've lost patience, with things, I feel like I'm being manipulated and guilted to do things (EX: taking her and her friends to dinner where she drinks to the point I have to be embrassed and then carry her to bed) If I don't she gets passive agressive, rolls her eyes.She has even said your getting paid you need to to what I want.( the state pays me for 30 hours a month) as it is I take her to library, store, Dr's , I try to keep her home clean (4 dogs) I fix meals for her, almost anything she asks.
She second guesses every decision that I make. When I try to discuss things with her she tells me I'm nagging and to let it go.How do I let it go? I
am trying to set boundries. And, Yes I get frustrated, I raise my voice ,But not yelling, I just want her to hear me. That she has to respect my boundries
What have I gotten myself into? I walked out of her house yesterday, after her telling me she doesn't like me, that I make her feel like she can't do or think by herself. If I'm doing this I don't mean too.
I just thinkI bit off more then I can handle..
my mom who is 78 COPD oxygen 24/7 in need of assistance at home. Well it seemed natural for me to do it as I was the one already doing most everything. I never had a healthy relationship with her she has done and said some pretty ugly things starting when I was young. Try as I would I could never get it right. Always seeking her love and approval but never getting it, without the what if you and the but it could have been from her.
The decision was made that I was going to move in with her to help, discussed that this was not going to be easy, that we both needed to establish boundries I HAVE NOT EVEN MOVED IN YET.To keep it short things just are not working, I've lost patience, with things, I feel like I'm being manipulated and guilted to do things (EX: taking her and her friends to dinner where she drinks to the point I have to be embrassed and then carry her to bed) If I don't she gets passive agressive, rolls her eyes.She has even said your getting paid you need to to what I want.( the state pays me for 30 hours a month) as it is I take her to library, store, Dr's , I try to keep her home clean (4 dogs) I fix meals for her, almost anything she asks.
She second guesses every decision that I make. When I try to discuss things with her she tells me I'm nagging and to let it go.How do I let it go? I
am trying to set boundries. And, Yes I get frustrated, I raise my voice ,But not yelling, I just want her to hear me. That she has to respect my boundries
What have I gotten myself into? I walked out of her house yesterday, after her telling me she doesn't like me, that I make her feel like she can't do or think by herself. If I'm doing this I don't mean too.
I just thinkI bit off more then I can handle..
http://www.luke173ministries.org/466795
about dealing with abusive people, setting limits and boundaries and putting up with abusive comments and attitudes in a kind way.
Regardless of your choice, it is worth the read.
Praying for you
Sunny
My Mom also has a history of being abusive. Very demanding and controlling. If I had known all the ins and outs with her then moving in,when Dad passed away, may never have happened. I was crazy in my thoughts like trying to escape someone. I stopped sleeping at night to have time to myself, listen for her "spells" and more. She accused me of elder abuse and I snapped. Went to her DR, called my therapist, went to the Alzheimer's clinic at the hospital and found the "Ah Ha...oh my...oh no" I needed to understand and hear. Plus put a plan in motion for myself.
Once I knew she was playing games I needed to decided stay or go.
I stayed because she accepted help by way of meds to sleep, oxygen to breathe (the "spells"), and other services in home for COPD. It is now her most outstanding symptom. Because of her heart which is bad. Cant get oxygen to the brain at times. Makes her act out.
I accepted in home help and started working more and going to the YMCA. There are many days my Mom is ok. Other days she is awful.
I choose to go somewhere she cant get to. Downstairs!!
All the folks who comment here are the best you can find anywhere. I mean this. My input is to give you one example of how tough living in can be. It challenges you to seperate the past abuse to the dysfunction of today. They are not the same just look that way. We are not the same. As for me, no one has my permission to treat me like a piece if "dirt" :) Mom can help it some days and chooses to be nice to me. It means giving up her home if she can not manage.
It took a lot of ignoring the petty things and responding only to business at hand. I mean, I am nice and things are better with meds.
But when she forgets them or does not want to take then we start over with what happens off of them and how COPD is worse that way etc..
I am wishing you the best here. Vent vent vent your inner self so you can rid yourself of feeling lousy and get a clear connection to yourself.
Hugs and Smiles,
P