Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
So my wife has Rheumatoid Arthritis. A pretty severe case. I try to help as much as I can but it gets difficult. I love her so much but hate the disease. If I could take the disease away from her and give it to myself I'd do so in a second.
We've been together a while now, over 12 years, and she's had RA since we met. I had an aunt with RA so I knew what I was getting into in some ways.
But I'm starting to have the stress affect my performance at work and, perhaps more importantly, my relationships with my colleagues and co-workers. I'm in a professional occupation where personal interaction with my colleagues is of vital importance. I've tried to compartmentalize my caregiver role and my work role and keep them separate but I'm not having the best of luck.
A female co-worker recently had a conversation with me where she told me she felt I was being kinda creepy and was afraid I might have a romantic interest in her. This is not the case at all! I do respect her and value her as a co-worker but I realize now that I was looking to her for additional emotional support. She didn't know about my wife's RA and mis-interpreted things. We had a very good conversation and worked things out. We are both on the same page now and understand each other. But this situation scared me. If my co-worker wasn't as understanding things could have gone very badly. It brought me to this site to seek help from other care givers and perhaps, simply to vent at times.
My superior knows about my wife's condition and is a very understanding boss. My wife is a very private person and doesn't' want lots of folks to know about her RA. I can't just go around my large office telling everyone. I have made the decision that there are a few key folks that I work closely with that need to know. Is anyone else in a situation like this?
We've been together a while now, over 12 years, and she's had RA since we met. I had an aunt with RA so I knew what I was getting into in some ways.
But I'm starting to have the stress affect my performance at work and, perhaps more importantly, my relationships with my colleagues and co-workers. I'm in a professional occupation where personal interaction with my colleagues is of vital importance. I've tried to compartmentalize my caregiver role and my work role and keep them separate but I'm not having the best of luck.
A female co-worker recently had a conversation with me where she told me she felt I was being kinda creepy and was afraid I might have a romantic interest in her. This is not the case at all! I do respect her and value her as a co-worker but I realize now that I was looking to her for additional emotional support. She didn't know about my wife's RA and mis-interpreted things. We had a very good conversation and worked things out. We are both on the same page now and understand each other. But this situation scared me. If my co-worker wasn't as understanding things could have gone very badly. It brought me to this site to seek help from other care givers and perhaps, simply to vent at times.
My superior knows about my wife's condition and is a very understanding boss. My wife is a very private person and doesn't' want lots of folks to know about her RA. I can't just go around my large office telling everyone. I have made the decision that there are a few key folks that I work closely with that need to know. Is anyone else in a situation like this?
Here's a female caregiver's view on being misunderstood. I too find male contacts misinterpet my need for emotional support. I've had them ask, "Are you lonely ?" Well as a caregiver I miss the partner I once had.. so yes. Then the next question is, "Do you want to hook up ? " WHAT ? It is so sad.Like we don't have enough stress. It makes you afraid to be honest with people about how you feel.
All I can say is try to keep selectively letting others know of your situation. Look for understanding from those that show they care. And keep trying to hang on and do your best !
Feel free to visit here for support, friendship, or just plain vent !
Hugs, Gwen :-)
No.1. former yoga student of mine
she speaks-speaks-speaks to me then suddenly...:
"but I won't tell you more about this trouble of mine because you have enough problems in your life yourself."
Damn it, I really was curious about what she wanted to tell me! :D
No.2. Mom
"I thought I shouldn't tell you about the good things happening in my life, and between him and me (her mate), because... you know... you have this cancer situation in your life..."
Sure, people shouldn't share good things with me, only neutral and bad, that's much easier for me :P
No. 3. friend
after I told her about my own difficulties due to his cancer:
"Yes... it is terrible how much burden cancer patients have to go through..."
Yep. And they don't have beloved ones who are influenced by their cancer... at all.. 8))) Oh, by the way, she too has cancer, though with a good prognosis.
And not talking about the neighbours I turned to for help who just got sooo busy recently...
But the good thing is: probably I've never known for this sure I know now who IS close to me actually. They are my mini angel-team O:-)
Blessings,
Harmonic
PS: Looking for friends who would do private messaging or e-mailing with me, who are also caregiving beloved ones.
Anyway, his kidneys are showing wear and tear and I expect him to be on dialysis within about five years. He sees a nephrologist. He is of a rare blood type, so I am concerned about him finding a new kidney, so may be on dialysis, once it starts, until dies. Not something I want to think about, but the most likely reality.
Anyway, just noticed a similarity and thought I'd respond.