I'd say, if there was concrete evidence for all of that, then no, I would not side on that person's behalf.

It is sad, but all of this does not guarantee that the judge will side in your favor. Depending on the state you live in, they make decisions based on the norm and don't take all the extras into account. My aunt was in a similar situation and in the end, she got minimal child support and was left to dig herself out of the financial hole.

Based on laws in my state. You would pay up to 1/3 of you income for child support, based on your partner's ability to work, you may have to pay alimony and, based on whose name the home is in, you would probably have to sell the home., pay off what is owed against it and give your partner half of what else is left., if any. If the in-laws have a written contract with you, they could sue you for what you owe them,. If it was a verbal agreement, it may be difficult to prove payment.

You are a man? It doesnt matter to me, just trying to be clear.
You are a male who wants your wife to pay you alimony but you do not want to pay her child support for your "wonderful" children?
Is this the wife whose parents you "borrowed" from but didnt pay back?
After all you did to your family, you think your wife should pay you alimony but you shouldnt pay child support for your "wonderful" children?
Good luck with that. I'm wondering if this is a troll.

Ah, I see where you could be listing what your spouse did, etc...I would say the same thing to her. Youd probably need proof of things and even then it depends on the lawyers and the judge...but if all things were equal, I'd think the person who did those things is up you know what creek....
Still you never know.

A lot of the things on your list really speak to character which is not a factor in the resolution of many divorces. Willingness to pay child support is irrelevant. It's the obligation of the non-custodial parent and can't be waived by the custodial parent in NJ. Many factors go into an alimony determination. Depending on whether you've already filed, your situation may be complicated by the fact that NJ just changed its alimony statute.

Missy makes a great point. Divorces settle on the business of things...custody, assets, financial matters, property. Character doesn't play much into it, I believe, unless there is a record of abuse.

Sounds like they need money if they couldn't even pay the mortgage. I'd award them alimony.

Additionally, cheating doesn't matter either in most cases.

It's possible that the judge could take that into consideration when determining a settlement but that largely depends on the laws of your state.
Clearly you or your spouse has betrayed this family, including the children and I find it sad that this parent would think they have no responsibility where their children are concerned. This parent should be worried about their future relationship with these kids because most likely they will be aware of this and feel abandoned and betrayed by that parent. My siblings and I experienced this with our dad and I wish no other child would ever have to go through that.
Best wishes to your family.

Thank you to everyone that commented, I really appreciate it. I intentionally left out who the person was because I didn't want anyone to judge either party, just judge the facts. I am going to be a single father and yes, it was my stbx that made those choices. We have been arguing over the fact that I don't feel that I should have to pay alimony and I do not want anything from her, just her signature. I treat her with respect and have never said anything negative about her to our children, she will always be their mother. I just do not understand why she feels this way. She has her life, lives with her new man and I am happy for her. I do not hold any more grudges against her. Ultimately her choices have brought me closer to my children, family and God. So it all happens for a reason!!

Has she told you she will not pay child support and have nothing to do with the kids?

She sees our kids but does not feel that she should pay because I should pay her more in child support. Basically she wants what she wants. I could and would never keep my kids from their mother unless she was doing other harm to them. They are 16 and 13 and are my life.

I understand, it sounds like you are in a complicated situation. At least you have your children's best interest in mind, hopefully she follows suit. My ex was very manipulative and I found out many lies after we separated, but there were no children involved so things were a little different. Best of luck

They are 13 and 16. They are old enough to offer their input and make their own decision on whether they wish to spend time with this parent.

Whether someone "wants" to pay child support is irrelevant. Depending on where you reside, there are very clear rules and guidelines to follow regarding this. It's not an option. Cheating is unfortunately also almost irrelevant as well.

I agree with how you originally posted this, it was generally assumed this was a male pulling these things, although I have to have faith that the responses would be the same had the general public known, by posting this gender neutral, you recieved what I believe to be honest responses.

Best of luck with your future.