You're not whiny. I feel the same way - I keep on wondering why my husband has no feelings for me. How do you just turn off any love that he once had so quietly and so firmly? What did I ever mean to him?

I had to just keep on doing stuff so I can just keep myself from crying. I took the kids sledding by myself. It was rough especially when we ran into acquaintances and the kids kept on asking where the dad was.....

You aren't whiny. My wife is the same way. No compassion-just ugliness and venom. I could only experience that so many times and then decided I deserve more than that and that yes, I an onboard with this divorce. Do I want her back and for this to all be over? Less and less everyday. Stay strong and hang in there.

It is time for you to change the dance. The dance you are doing with her right now gives her all the power. She is so indifferent to you and your marriage. You need to act like you care even less. She has you right where she wants you. Try it for a week, take back your power. What you are doing is not working, it is time for something new. It will totally throw her off balance when you stop dancing her way.

So, she told me the reason she didn't call or text was because she wanted to give me space, and that every time she asks me how I'm doing, I always tell her the answer will always be the same. She's got me there. She said it's killing her seeing me so miserable every day. I said I don't believe her. And I truly don't. I think she feels guilty, somewhat; but beyond that, she has no feelings one way or the other. Tired of trying any more. Only going to end in heartbreak.

She does not care that you are miserable.....change the dance.

Change the dance I agree. Don't give her the power. I don't cry in front of my husband anymore. He hadn't cried at all, to me anyway from what he says. He is do out of it with his midlife crisis otherwise he would care. Don't hide in the basement don't let her put you there. I stay in my room to give him space, I'll cry in the shower. I want him to see me smile laugh and seem like I don't care. He knows I'm hurt. I think if I cried he would think living together is too hard and fly the coop sooner than later. He's planning that anyway which I still think is a problem but it's not my problem it's his. Hang in there.

Oh, she wants one of us to leave the coop as soon as possible. Other than the fact she thinks our youngest is not going to handle it well; at all, and she's right on that one. I feel like if I ignore her, or don't get upset, she'll just think I don't care, and then she'll blame me for mixed messages. I can't win no matter what I do, and I hate everything about all of this.

The kids will take it hard. I know both my kids love their dad so much. It breaks my heart knowing that soon he will leave and the kids will be devastated just like I have been the last couple months. I have been on a path to healing but once it hits the kids I will be right back heartbroken...

Maybe stop expecting her to care. Your hurt seems to come from the fact that she does not care. Maybe she does not know how to. Yes you can say she's done it before, but caring is a draining and exhausting task. Im not siding with her, but I'm not siding with you either. You can stop putting all your eggs in her basket, hoping that she responds to you. By doing that, you in a sense do take back your own power as the others have mentioned. It sounds like youre in a vulnerable place and youre in need of comfort and love....something you hoped your wife could give you, but for whatever reason, she isn't giving it to you. I'm saying something different. I'm not saying to ignore her out of spite or for pulling your power back, but to stop investing in something that isn't filling your bucket - at least for now - until you can find a way to fill your own bucket. Maybe she'll come around when she sees you helping yourself.

i dint read all of your posts. if you dont mind can you tell me what is the reason your wife broke up with you. though its difficult to accept for you its a fact that some people like your wife who lacks passion,feelings. move on easily .they behave as if nothing happened. remember it was she who broke up. it will not effect her mind in any way as she wanted it.i cant say for sure but may be she wants you to erase her from your mind soon. think if she pretends before you that she has feelings for you it will be really difficult for you to move on knowing she still loves you. what ever she does be it for your good or her good.she is the one who will let you move on. and forget her.i know your children suffer because of brake up but what is the use in living with a zombie like women. your mind will get effected.guess some people dont take relationship seriously such as your wife ,

I'm with anna_bella.tt & STex. Change the dance and stop expecting her to be emotionally supportive to you at this time. I totally get what you mean, though. My stbx was the same way, gave the same responses. I couldn't support him emotionally because then he would get his hopes up (not saying you will, but this was my case) and then if I would discuss the progress of the divorce he would lash out on me with all his anger and then there would be fights for hours because he was so mad I was destroying him, etc. All because I did care and wanted to support him, but not as a wife. He wanted his wife, I just wanted to emotionally support him. I wanted the emotional support back, but instead I got verbally abused.
You are relying on her to validate your feelings and support you emotionally. She has to emotionally support herself and the kids. You have to emotionally support yourself and the kids. You cannot emotionally support her, nor can you expect her to do that. If divorce is 100% in the future this is an important thing to work on now for yourself. In future maybe you can reconnect as friends, but right now you need to remove the emotions from your relationship with her. You're now business partners working through a divorce.

Also her "mixed signals" may mean something different to her than it means to you. Mixed signals to her may mean that she thinks you understand the marriage is done and you can work together as friends but then the next minute you're telling her you love her and don't want a divorce. Mixed signals to you means she doesn't want the divorce, then she does. I think maybe you need to change the dance and remove the emotion from your interaction with her, as STex suggested. I think that will help your heart a bit too from the disappointment you feel when she doesn't text you or show care. It may be a confusing thing for her too & she may not know the right thing to do to not hurt you more than she knows she already is. I don't know. Just my 2 cents from the outside.

You can't expect her to care MD. I know it's difficult but holding on to that will keep you in this place of disappointment. The person who broke your heart is not the same person who you shared love with in the past so you can't hold them to that same standard. You loving her the way you do doesn't guarantee that it will be reciprocated. It sucks, I know. But YOU are dealing with YOUR situation, no one else. As much as we may all be able to relate, everyone deals with things differently. So you talk about it as much as you have to. You need to sort it out, process it and deal with it so that you can eventually heal and move on. Think of this as an interactive journal. Get support anywhere you can. This is about you getting past this. I will keep you in prayer.

Believe me, you are not whiny! You should have seen ME when I first came to this forum! I am going to be a little blunt here. It sounds to me like you are still trying to have a marriage ... a little bit of marriage, a little bit of divorce. It's kind of like someone with a size 8 foot trying to wear a size 6 shoe. Trust me, I know it's extra difficult when you're still living with your spouse because I am too. As soon as he filed the papers though, I began to think of him as my ex. In every situation, I asked myself what would I do if he weren't living here ... if we were truly physically separated like we should be. For instance, I bought my daughter Christmas presents from ME and sent out Christmas cards to my family and friends with mine and my daughter's names on them, not his. For Thanksgiving, I made plans with my daughter. We do not sleep together. We do not ask where each other is going whenever one of us leaves the house. We limit our conversation to the weather, current events, movies, etc. All of our serious divorce talk is done through our attorneys. Yeah, it's awkward to say the least and it can be very stressful, especially on your children, but that's the way it is. He brought this all on himself. It is a sucky situation any way you look at it, but I feel better handling it this way and hopefully there is an end in sight. He does continue to spy on me and make nasty comments under his breath. In the beginning, I reported all of these things to my attorney who went to his attorney with them, but I have gotten strong enough to let them pass now. I realize he is just trying to bait me and start something because I won't engage with him anymore and that means no opportunity to dump a crapload of blame, insults, accusations, etc. all over me. He has to live with that festering mess himself. In my mind, there is no point in continuing to argue about the same stuff we've argued about for years. It's over. The marriage is over.

Thanks everyone. I think it might just be time for me to give up. We had a long drawn out text war today that went nowhere fast. She keeps asking me things like why couldn't you have showed me how important I was to you before? The problem is I did, it was just never good enough for her. Then she keeps referencing the last two months, saying I've showed her that I'm not willing to change and she is basing that in the last 2 months. Even though she told me clearly two months ago that she was 100% done,. She has flip flopped on that 3-4 times already, including twice in the last 48 hours (told me she never said that, and then today saying that she had). I know you are all correct, I have to work on things so I can be happy, notwithstanding anything that goes on with her. Just finding it real hard to do that. Really just about impossible.

Yup it's hard and that's why all of us are here. You need to do what you need to do to protect yourself emotionally and financially.