Phileo (brotherly) vs. eros (erotic)?

Maybe, but the sad part is that the wife might be the one with the "brotherly" love.

Hi Jaken, I see your point. There are different types of love but then it might be best to save the words and not offer them until they are meaningful. When I hear "I love You" I want to believe that it is the passionate kind of love, the one we cannot live without.

I think there are also people who can say "I love you" and it is as meaningful as "please pass the salt". My stbx could say those words very easily- but I suspect he doesn't "feel" them- they are just words he knows are appropriate to say in a particular situation. He still says them to me out of habit when he ends a conversation... but somehow I doubt that he really means them....

The "warm fuzzy" type of love doesn't last. We all know that. The ability to make a relationship survive through that loss is dependent on whether or not you can learn to love your spouse/SO in a different way, meaning can you learn to do the things that are important to them and make them feel loved?

Respect and communication are equally as important. Without those two things, no amount of love will mean a thing. And by communication I don't mean you have to have hour-long talks about your feelings, you just have to be able to talk meaningful and at the right times.

I truly believe my STBX loves me, just not in the same way she loves her new boyfriend. But quite honestly, I would rather have the lasting kind of love, the other fades then you have to have something strong to base the relationship on. She didn't respect me enough to choose me over her lover, so the marriage failed.

People who constantly expect the erotic love will never find a lasting, meaningful relationship because you just can't make that feeling last forever.

that's my point Kdmac. How can your stbx say it now. Doesn't he understand that he could be hurting you deeply? If it is a habit, how do we differentiate when it means something else?

I don't feel comfortable saying those words myself. I am also glad my ex rarely said it. It is too uncomfortable for me to hear it.

I am thinking that one is loved more like a best friend then a lover in that scenario you speak of.

I agree with you, kd, that is exactly what my STBX does, too.

It would be fair to say "I like you" and leave the words "I love you" for a different type of relationship.

I think that while the initial physical attraction eventually fades, romantic love doesn't have to, but it's like commitment with a spark. It can't be JUST brotherly, or JUST romantic....it's got to be both....and with a big strong dose of I'm committed to you forever thrown in....I still believe in long-standing wide-eyed wonder when you meet the right person....

I believe in real life romance like Mr. Big and Carrie in "Sex and the City"... He took forever to realize that she was the one and they both circled around trying the find love.

He had a very hard time telling her he loved her and when he did, it was the real thing.

It can be used as a weapon, or a check point.
It can also be used to boost self-esteem.
Not so much ego.

For some people, they're just words....

It's the receiver that attaches the emotion and the meaning to the word.