Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After getting home from work this morning at 11am, and coming home to a trashed house filled with 6 crazy boys, I chuckled to myself.
My wife has never been the "homemaker" type. She occasionally enjoys cooking on the weekends (then I usually clean up the kitchen afterwards), but thats about it. I dont think she has had to scrub a floor or clean a bathroom or even vaccum for that matter in a long, long time. Being a stay at hime Dad I have been in charge of household duties for the past 12 years.
I wish I could be there when it finally hits her that she wont be coming home late after a long day of work to a clean tidy house, with dinner on the table , dog fed and walked, laundry taken care of, kids homework done, and the two youngest bathed and put to bed for the night.
It still makes me laugh. Ahhhh good times.
And yeah....a Stay At Home Parent...done right...is a full time job and then some. Seven years after the divorce, my ex is appreciating me as a parent (stay at home or co-parent).
I'm guessing you're going to have 50/50 custody? Is there some reason you didn't fight for full custody?
I didnt fight for full custody for a couple of reasons. I want this to be as easy for the kids as possible and to have a custody battle seemed like it would add a level of uneeded stress for them. Secondly she has never done anything specific( nothing that I can prove at least) that would indicate to a judge that she should not have at least partial custody. From what Ive always heard, Fathers rarely win custody battles. Ive been documenting all of her exploits over the past couple of months, just in case It ever comes to that. To be honest I Was quite surprised that she wanted to split custody and not just give them to me. That day may still come. I feel like she is trying "harder" to act like a good mother right now, because she dosent want them to resent her. We still have not told the kids. My therapist and I agreed that we should let them get settled in to school for a couple of weeks, and then tell them. I suspect that once everything settles down I will have them far more than 50% of the time. I dont think she will be able to give up her new lifestyle.
How old are the munchkins? (Mine are 14 and 16.)
I had a couple of interesting kid bits in my agreement that have worked well for me. We have joint custody (like you said, nothing to point to) but my exh agreed to give me final say. So, I have to consult with him but if we disagree my opinion rules. They are with me 60 percent time technically but seems like more. They go to his house after school every day but come to my house every day for dinner and sleep and we rotate weekends. In practise it means I don't see them 1 day every two weeks which is pretty good. And, he is often shortening his weekends and bringing them home early. Finally, if we are going to be away, we have to give the other parent first choice to take the kids as opposed to bringing in a babysitter or parent to backfill.
My husband was a stay at home dad too, but nothing like you. I worked 65 hour weeks and did most of the housekeeping and kid care. I got them ready in the am and made lunches. When I got home at 6 he was "off duty" so I cleaned dinner and put kids to bed before starting to work again in the evening.. He was "off duty" on weekends so I did all the cooking, cleaning and playing with children. I appeciated having someone at home despite that. It was wonderful that the kids had someone to come home to and dinner was usually made. But I certainly felt unappreciated.
She is definitely going to get a rude awakening!!!! I hope you are getting a good chuck of spousal support!