hi there. how are you? when I read your story I had to think twice whether I had written this myself....I feel the same way...I try to get myself together again but I am dying inside

Keep reaching out and hopefully you have a good
Therapist to help you cope. I would not date again
Until you are healed. I know its hard, just think about
your children needs And focus on you getting better
and stronger In spite of your spouses.

I don't define myself Thru the failure, i played my part
And i chose wrong. Those things i can attest to so now
I need to gather all my inner strength and go forward
Whether i like it or not. HUGS

I am so sorry you are feeling the way that you are , I get it I understand you feel you were like a bag of garbage and tossed to the side and used for someone else's gain. You had what you thought was good and held hope to not one but two relationships that ended with more pain, more regret and once again starting over. That is the negative that seeking therapy will help you overcome . The positive is you brought two human beings into this world that has something to offer the world . Even though now you find yourself where you have been before this time do things different, therapy is a good place, joining a group where you meet others like you, starting a new list of what you will do that is different than before such as not starting any relationship until your wounds are healed and you have your own foundation so that when the time is right you will have a healthy relationship for the right reasons . Pain is what we learn from look at this as a chance for you to start a new life . Think of it as baking a cake from scratch. You have to decide what kind of cake you want ( your new life) and how many layers and what you want on top of it , after you decide what you want think of the ingredients that you will need for you cake ( your goals) next your need to the tools to mix this cake the last step is pretty easy it is just taking the time to let it bake and not becoming inpatient because as we all know if you open the oven too soon while baking the cake can fall . A silly way to explain it but I think you get the point. Lots of hugs to ya and give yourself some credit your a lot stronger than you think you are.

I also felt like this at first. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, blamed myself, tore myself down trying to figure out what I had done wrong, sad all the time, angry, hurt, mad.
When I read your blog it sounded a lot like what I'm going through too. My first marriage wasn't that great and it was a mutual decision to end it, but my second marriage has been harder because it wasn't a mutual decision, I didn't even know my husband didn't want to be with me anymore until he told me, and ever since then I've done everything I could to figure out why, and honestly I haven't always handled it well.
I have started to realize more everyday that even though I truly love my husband and would do anything in the world for him, that it's time to let go, and to move forward. It sucks, and it hurts, and I am still on an emotional roller coaster at times, but I know that I am a good person, and I was a good wife to him, not perfect but good, and this is not all my fault, but it's happening whether I like it or not, so I have to make a decision to let it destroy me or pick myself up, dust myself off, and start moving forward. I've realized that even though I had no control or choice in the decision to end my marriage, I do have a choice in what happens next.
I don't know if your a person of faith, but I am, and I just prayed and asked God to take it all, my marriage, my family, my life and to put the pieces in place, and I do believe that when I'm ready and the time is right he will show me why this happened, and I will finally understand, and I know that I'm gonna get through this and I will be happy again.
So, what I've been trying to do is when the negative things start coming in my head and messing with me, I start thinking about all the positive things in my life, things that do and don't involve him.
I don't know if any of this helps, but this is why I joined this group was so I could get and give advice to others who are going through similar things.
Try to focus on the positives in your life, look in the mirror everyday and say," I'm beautiful, I'm a good person, I was a good wife, I am a good mother, etc..", eventually you won't just be saying it but you'll actually believe it and everyday will get better, definitely there are still gonna be bad days, believe me, but there are also gonna be a lot of good days too!
You should also look into joining a support group that meets in person, where you can actually face to face talk to others that are going through the same or similar things, that might also help you to feel better.

Thank you so much for your kind words I really appreciate the time you have all taken to reply. I'm just scared I will never stop loving this man who has treated me so appallingly x

Honestly a part of you will probably always love him, but you have to learn to love yourself more! He made his choices but don't let his choices define you and your future. Hold on tight to the good things in your life, and start letting go of the bad ones.
One day it will hit you, when your least expecting it, and you will realize that you are worth more than this, and that you deserve more than this, and you will start being able to move forward and leave him behind, and you will be a better, stronger person when it's all said and done!

Thank you uncertain. I know you're right as I've been down this road before my first husband broke my heart. I have to start fighting back (metaphorically & literally). I have two amazing children, a good job & great friends & family. I need to stop letting the negative outweigh all the positives xx thank you

I am where you are at. First marriage was a breeze compared to this one. Maybe my age plays a part in this. 52. Second marriage I feel so alone even though everyone has helped me see it was all him. I love him so and trying to let it go. It kills me to look at other men. My marriage ended cause of our children. Mine expecially. I have two boys that are adults now that cant stand him. They are all alike an wont let their egos go. Who is right and who is wrong. All my ex wanted is a close family but my boys could not do that for him. Their dad sucks and left them scared and taking out on him. Not saying he is easy, he is not but he had heart just not easy to get alone with if he thinks he is right. Everyone rather walk away then come together for me. I could not loose my boys so I lost my husband and his girls. Girls would do what he says boys wants their own way. Oh well, I will keep using this site to bring myself up and I guess find someone new. Thank you.

Hi consernstep we also split up due to children - his sons. It wasn't their fault though he allowed them to treat me badly. I tried but after 10 mths of having one of his sons living with us I could take no more. They moved out (even though we have 1 year old) & got a flat then 10 weeks later he slept with someone else (a supposed friend of mine). So I'm now left to pick up the pieces. Life is so hard but my boys will keep me going I just want to feel ok. Just to have one day with no sadness or anger would be total bliss. X

Hey there. I'm so very sorry you are going through all this. I get it... after my divorce I wondered "how did this happen to me"... You are going to go through the process of grieving and it takes time. Allow yourself this time. I also lost weight, my hair started falling out, I couldn't eat... it was a horrible time. If you can, get counseling - get support - get others around you that you can lean on... who know where you have been and where you are going. If money is a concern, is there a local church that could assist with finding counseling? Take care of yourself for the sake of your children. Big hugs to you! I wish you all the best.

By the way, YES! You will be happy again. Time will fix this. I had those same feelings. Know in your heart there will be better days to come.

I am feeling the very same way I wish I could just sleep all day every day ... the one thing I notice is people in my life that have already been through this all have better lives now ... I guess I don't know that for sure but they seem happy so maybe that will happen for us until then I also will be wondering how long I will feel this way ... when the crying will stop... will I be alone forever??? I'm here if you need to talk