Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So there is a girl (we'll call her Tracy) that works with my ex that I am still friends with on Facebook. Even though I thought she was more of a friend of my ex, she still wanted to be friends with me on Facebook and we play this scrabble game on our phones against each other. Beyond that, we never hang out or anything. I helped her out getting her stuff for work but that's it. Well back in the beginning of the divorce process I avoided looking at her page just in case she would post anything related to my ex. Sure enough, the one time I go to look, she posts a picture from their work Xmas party. And my ex is in it. And she looks happy. And they're at this awesome place and I would have loved to been a lart of it and i couldn't because of our situation. And I have a horrible night. And I vow after that to never look at Tracy's page. I hide her from my News Feed so I never have to see her updates or posts, but I don't delete her because it's not her fault necessarily.
Fast forward to tonight. Where it's been months since I looked at Tracy's page. So I decide to look. Because I wondered how Tracy was doing and my counselor said I shouldn't avoid things that remind me of her. But I had been dreading it because I thought I would see my ex in a picture again. And sure enough I did. And of all places, they were at one of the NCAA tournament games. In this nice arena. All smiling and enjoying their time. And all I could think was how great they had it. And I'm sitting here on my couch, with my foot eleveated and iced from a recent injury to my Achilles tendon. And all I can think was how that could have been my life. I could have something noteworthy like that. And I know I shouldn't need her for that. That I can make my own awesome memories and do something with myself too. But I had something wonderful and it's all gone now. I'm laying on this couch, in my place, alone and she is living the life, even though she would never view it that way.
So now my struggle is if I should actually delete Tracy from my friend's list this time. Once again, it's not her fault that I could not look at her page and be OK with what I saw. And I figure if I email her and explain all of this, that she would maybe understand. But I also don't want to run or hid from this. Because my ex exists. And I will see her. Or hear about or her. Or talk about her. And I can't hide from this forever. So I know this is a silly thing to think about. I mean, it's just freaking Facebook. But I have no idea what to do.
If you care to comment on my rambling, I'm all ears. Thanks.
Fast forward to tonight. Where it's been months since I looked at Tracy's page. So I decide to look. Because I wondered how Tracy was doing and my counselor said I shouldn't avoid things that remind me of her. But I had been dreading it because I thought I would see my ex in a picture again. And sure enough I did. And of all places, they were at one of the NCAA tournament games. In this nice arena. All smiling and enjoying their time. And all I could think was how great they had it. And I'm sitting here on my couch, with my foot eleveated and iced from a recent injury to my Achilles tendon. And all I can think was how that could have been my life. I could have something noteworthy like that. And I know I shouldn't need her for that. That I can make my own awesome memories and do something with myself too. But I had something wonderful and it's all gone now. I'm laying on this couch, in my place, alone and she is living the life, even though she would never view it that way.
So now my struggle is if I should actually delete Tracy from my friend's list this time. Once again, it's not her fault that I could not look at her page and be OK with what I saw. And I figure if I email her and explain all of this, that she would maybe understand. But I also don't want to run or hid from this. Because my ex exists. And I will see her. Or hear about or her. Or talk about her. And I can't hide from this forever. So I know this is a silly thing to think about. I mean, it's just freaking Facebook. But I have no idea what to do.
If you care to comment on my rambling, I'm all ears. Thanks.
it takes time to get there, but you will.
hang in there, my friend.
You lose nothing by deleting her and clearly this is bothering you, so yeah, while you are dealing with your issues and addressing them, there is no need to make yourself suffer. You've been through enough, think about yourself now!
A xx
I think if Tracy has any heart or any experiences with break-ups, she should have empathy for your situation.
My STBX hurt me terribly throughout our marriage. I saw a pic of him where he also looks happy and relaxed and it really annoyed me. Personally, I have wanted to KNOW that he is hurting as bad as he has hurt me (those feelings are diminishing). So I understand where you are coming from regarding how difficult it is to see her enjoying herself.
However, at some point we have to get off our own self created ''pity wagons'' and move on with life. I would also encourage getting yourself out there--one activity at a time. Set small goals for yourself--ie in the month of April, I will.....
I will also disagree--the life with your ex was NOT meant to be YOUR life. If it was, you would have it now. Your path is different. All of us, myself included, need to create our own lives. No, it is not easy--but we have been given the task and opportunity to do it and just need to get on and learn how to do it--even when we are scared.
so, dont avoid things... for example... dont avoid the shops you used to use together, dont avoid the car you used to drive in, dont avoid eating a shared favourite icecream etc etc
now, the big question, is the facebook society "natural" conditions? is it natural to see the photos of your x's nights out shoved in your face ?
you did not bump into your x out on the town, (if you did yuo would simply HAVE to cope)
your x did not visit you to show the pictures of her night out to you (thank goodness!)
this is so far removed from social reality that it is not "avoiding" to delete this link to her life - it is NORMAL to delete this link. (in my opinion)
spare yourself the added agony it is creating - it is not normal to be such a fly on the wall to your x's life!
you will be stuck in the painful past until you rid yourself of this type of link!
just tell the truth to the tracey girl (the truth will set you free), just say, "sorry had to delete you as a freind here, too tempting for me to see your pics and too painful when i see x",
good luck!
Any time I hear anything about my stbx, I get sick. And we've been texting, and he's been mean. That set me back big time. I've blocked him from everything- I cant hear from him because I wont heal. His daughter is still in contact with me, and I'm afraid that's going to set me back too, but she did nothing wrong either. I struggle with this one. I see her page and get updates, and it makes me sick. I'm thinking of dropping her, but that would only hurt her, so here I sit....
Sorry about your achilles- I had an achilles injury that lasted years!
In deleting and blocking if you have any other mutual friends any other posts or pictures tagged with their names will never appear. Also, they will not be able to read anything you write. Why let them bring you down? There is no need. Then get up and begin your life!
I haven't deleted anyone yet. In fact I am FORBIDDEN by my STBX to do anything that would alert anyone becuase its supposed to be some big damn secret until I move out...
So I haven't changed my relationship status for the past month plus and I haven't posted anything about the divorce or apartment hunting or any of the miriad of other things that are going on.
If I want to talk to a friend about it, I use the IM or message functions.
I really don't get what the deal is though. Why does he want it to be a big secret.
Once I'm out I will let his family make the choice of if they want to delete me. I don't read their updates anyway, but I won't be the rude one.