When your marriage, your family, your life & your world are falling apart your emotions run wild, go say the least.
I never blamed the OW as it was my hasbeen that I had vows & commitment with, not her.
But, if I ever found myself in your shoes, & I pray that I never do, I would be done dating him until he showed me a divorce certificate.
Knowing the pain that a broken marriage causes on everyone involved, I just could not participate in that. (Even if I found out a year & 1/2 later.) He sounds like a real honest catch ... NOT!!!

She is dealing with a lot of anger. I know if the OW had contacted me (I am so glad now that she didnt)I would be yelling and screaming at her. The only difference in my situation is that the OW knew he was married when the affair started and even moved out here to be with him. I think by saying that you would back off and that you were not the enemy I would feel that is a slap in that face because at that moment you are and were. She is hurt and all she has heard for a year and half are all lies and does not know what to believe. For the last year and a half he was lying to her and she does not know who to trust. She is also just as angry with him. What I don't understand is why you would still want to be with him knowing that he had lied to his wife for over a year. He sounds like the worst person to be with. I hope you can find a person that loves and respects you. I am also sure that if you look long and hard in the past year and half you will see what signs you missed that said he was married. He could not be that good of a liar that you did not see the signs. Good luck..

Unfortunately for you, you have been taken in by this man, who has lied to both his wife and you!

How do you know what goes on between this husband and wife?!

What he has told you will be far from the truth...He is still married!!

You now know that he is married but have decided to carry on seeing him because you're hoping that he will choose you over his wife!

If you don't want to be the bad guy, stay away from him!

I don't understand how you don't see the bigger picture here?!

You are not dating.... you are having an affair with a married man!

I just checked your profile and see that you are unhappily married. I also checked your posts and you have also had an affair while you were married.

There are several things here that really concern me.

1. you chose to do another persons dirty work (i.e. calling the wife because the wife's so-called friend suggested it).

2. your total lack of empathy for the wife because you ask why would she be mad at you.

3. you dont express any remorse for continuing the affair or for telling the wife.

4. you dont seem to have any sense of love or respect for yourself because you kept on seeing him KNOWING hes a liar and a cheater.

Please find a qualified therapist who can offer you some insight and help you regain your love and self-respect.

Umm, I don't know her, but my guess is that she's probably pretty angry at you both.

You also had time to think about what you'd say to her, and she didn't have that same time to think about it. Nor do you know who else was in the house at the time. For all you know, she had a child at her feet, or her parents in the other room. Heck maybe she was just given medical news the previous day and someone close to her was sick. Point is...we all lead complicated lives and she had no time to prepare for this conversation...while you did.

So what you got was a knee jerk reaction.

Depending on her situation, she may not even have really believed you. In any case, she certainly didn't have time to think it through and decide what she wanted to do about her marriage.

It's a bit much to think that someone that has spent 5-10-15-20-30 years with someone, and possibly has kids with them to decide in a few minutes and give you permission or not...to keep seeing her husband.

Yeah, I've never been cheated on, but yeah, that would make me angry too.

I was cheated on. I blame my ex. But I probably would not have been happy to hear from OW.

Why you would want someone who had lied to you for over 1.5 years, I have no idea. I wouldn't have called OW, I would have dumped his sorry ass and never looked back.

And, I'll just say MyTrueColours and Patti offer some useful suggestions for self reflection. Worthwhile to get at the root of why you called her, and why you stayed, if you truly want to be in a good emotional place eventually.

MTC speaks the truth, why would you invest anytime with a known liar and cheat? Get on a dating site, there are thousands of people on there that are not pieces of S#% ?

I thank all of you for your comments. I guess my self-esteem is pretty low since I am recently divorced myself. I know that I shouldn't want this man but it's hard to let go. I am praying for strength each today to cut off all contact with him.

I don't think anyone who brings any kind of bad news is going to be the recipient of love and cuddles (in a lot of scenarios). You bring "bad news" and perhaps brought it to someone who has built around a lot of denial just to keep the marriage together then you were the "wrecking ball".

Honestly, you overstepped your boundaries by calling her. Wives get mad at the other woman when the other woman knows that the man is married and continues to go out with him. The man has manipulated you into thinking what he wants you to think.

Sorry for your pain.

I once found myself in this position. By that time, I was in love with the man and my child loved him as well. He told me he was getting divorced. As it turned out, they had been separated for years but due to significant financial issues, they were still legally married, but lived in separate houses. I did end it but it was very painful. I was the other woman. I was hated by his wife and she is still trying to divorce him. Now, I think it was easy for them to place blame on me and to hate me. I think it made them feel better. I eventually got a letter from her, cursing me out. I believe most people find it easy to blame the other woman. In reality, TW 123 and I are the victims. Where is our support? We have lost the man we fell in love with, regardless that he turned out to be a liar. It still hurts. I will sometimes see people who knew me as the other woman. I get shunned today, as if I am still at fault. It's interesting that the victim in this case, continues to be seen as the bad guy. Hang in their friend.

"Where is our support?"

In reality, there's very little support. Period. For anyone. Neighbors don't even bring food over for new neighbors or births anymore. Funerals get a bit more, but the next day people are back to their jobs.

There are a few people that get rock hard support from their families. The rest of us, muddle on through life as best as we can.

what was your intention in calling her? honestly? You thought she'd dump him and he'd be all yours.....? in fact that's exactly what you thought happened and you were happy with it....

so why does she blame you? gee I just don't know.......

It was not your place to tell her but you sure jumped on that opportunity quickly.

I told her because if I had a husband that was cheating on me, I would want to know instead of living a lie. That's why.