Why is it you need "help" with this?

One question I would have is this...did he get cheated on? It sounds like his ego and his self esteem needed a lift. A lift that dating way younger women sometime gives us.
Im 36, I went out last weekend with a 23 year old woman. You know what, we had alot of fun. It was nice to hang out with someone who thinks im attractive. Yea, maybe its an ego thing too, I dont really see it that way though. She's nice, pretty, and likes being around me. Whats so damn bad about that? The last time my stbx leaned over and gave me a kiss was probably 8 years ago. After a while, that wears on you. And no, im not trying to cry a river, im just giving you my situation, and maybe it helps, maybe not.
I dont know your situation, but I think women sometimes forget how important it is for us guys, to actually feel like we are attractive and that your spouse would actually like to frickin be near you in a physical way.
Sorry..thats all i got for now..Good luck to you

I don't think all guys are created the same, just like all women are not.
Men out of necessity, will hide feelings...
If guys seem to be overly emotional....no one thinks very highly of them. Not women and especially not other men.
You will be looked at by women as a nice guy, but weak. Now this is a generality I know. But very emotional guys you have to admit are not looked at as suitable partners or playmates.
Other guys will see this overly emotional guy as a weakling and tell him so.
So maybe guys take it a bit tougher cause you can't do as women do in many cases and get together and figure it all out so to speak. And frankly other guys will talk about things for a very short time, but buddy I will find someone else to hang out with if you don't pull yourself together.
A reasonable man, will set his sights on something more reasonable, then a teenager. But you have to admit there are alot of older women hitting on younger men these days, so its not so gender based anymore.
But if we put it another way, if you could would you?
Not all guys can get hooked up with a younger woman. But lets say that you had the looks to do so, would you choose that good looking buff stud over an aging fellow?
You can bet that most guys know if they hookup with a younger gal, that it could be fun for a bit, but in the end what the heck ya going to talk about?
Intelligent men, take the time to heal and then look for a relationship that will hopefully be much better than the last. He will take the bandaides off, and watch for the redflags of a possible destructive relationship.
Now the self destructive phase.
I have been through it slightly. I believe this may be caused by anger. Something that has been shoveled down, and not expressed in normal ways. After holding it down a long time it comes out, and unpredictable behaviour follows. Maybe being a clown or getting right up on the edge as to tempt fate a bit.
And there are people that are just assholes not matter what ....male and female.

Um can I please say it again?

'People'. Why do 'people' do this. Why do 'people' do that.

If there's anything I've learned from this site (let me rephrase that), one thing that I've learned from this site is that the the behavior of men and women run the gamut. Some women leave good husbands for fat ugly guys with big noses (that's for you Scott!) some men leave hot smart funny women for prison crack whores. Some just leave because they're damn unhappy and get no help. So many of the men here are wonderful, I doubt they would have any more of an inside view of why a man would leave you for some arm-and-eye candy than you would.

BTW, I hate gender stereotyping in case I haven't mentioned that one before,

Now I need some chocolate cause I'm really PMSing.

Wick, where are some jokes?

I need help to understand why guys do things that will hurt them even more when they say that they are already hurt!

It can't be generalized to guys. Some people in general make good decisions and some make bad decision.. Motivations differ for all. I try to keep the control in my court and that is done by concentrating on what you can control for you.. If he has made a choice to date younger, it is his choice, just like it would be if I suddenly turned into a cougar.. We date and are attracted to people for different reasons and I hear that you believe it is a poor reason, it may be working for him.. Some of seem to follow a path of self destruction to others, but it is our path, and we can learn from it.. I don't know how long you have been apart , but control what you can which is you and your reactions, work on making yourself the best you that you can be, do stuff you have wanted to do but could not, and love and take care of yourself like your best friend. Let him worry about himself.. He is an adult and responsible for his own actions. Good luck to you in healing and to your new future.. Kimmee

Vmarshall,

Let me just say it is taking most of my self control not to write a few scathing comments vis a vis VAST GENERALIZATIONS.

Your X is doing what he is doing because he is who he is not because he is a MAN.

I'm sorry you've been hurt by him.

i know it sucks but if somebody rejects you for someone else, worry about yourself. understanding why they did it doesn't matter. it's not because of you, it's because of them. someone you care about and take an emotional risk for should be someone who wants *you.* it's a waste of time to think about someone who wants someone else. maybe he'll decide he doesn't after all. but i don't think any further understanding on your part can influence that. it's advice that's easy to give, nearly impossible to follow.

but it seems to make sense.

also
i like emotional guys. i like nice guys. i think emotion is sexy and cool.
there seems to be this kind of guy esp. recently who says "i used to be a nice guy then i learned that women don't like nice guys. women like men that are mean to them, so i stopped."
maybe it's all that neil strauss b.s., but i it drives me nuts. and when i hear a guy say that it sounds like scary bitterness to me. a guy who makes me feel insecure sucks. no fun.

We act strangely because we are from Mars and the 7 millibar surface pressure has us pretty loopy most of the time.

UM IT MIGHT BE HIS SOCIAL SKILLS TO BEHAVE IN THIS MANNER HE WAS TAUGHT NOT ALL MEN DO THIS IT TRULY IS A FAMILY AFFAIR TRY LOOKING AT HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS MORE CLOSELY AND U WILL DISCOVER THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYERS I JUST LEARNED THIS 2 MONTHS AGO AND IT HELPS ME DISCERN WHAT I WANT AND DONT WANT GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE OF U

VMarshall -

I didn't go after a younger woman. My wife cheated on me. I forgave her. Later she asked for a divorce, so I said ok. It seemed to me that I clearly wasn't what she wanted anymore. I often wonder what she would have done if I had cheated on her.........

Does it matter now? No. What's done is done.

As a matter of fact, even though I was strangely unemotional during the entire process, I feel very ambivalent about the possibility of getting back into a relationship. Sometimes I think I may be a little broken.

Also, as I've gotten older, I'm less willing to shout at the top of my lungs to be heard. If someone wants to hear what I have to say, they will listen. If they don't, they won't.

Maybe this will give you some insight as to what some men like me are like.

Pgamble, Begin07 and BernieD: AMEN!!!!

Peace,

sax

V your guy has a problem not guys, just because your guy prefers to date out of his generation does not mean we all do. Personally I would rather be in a relationship with some one who acts her age and is mature rather then someone how is a lot younger and some what immature. Your guy is probably immature and thats about it, she has done you a favor. The question you should be asking is if he has moved on and shown his true colors then why do you care.

Like I said originally, why do you need help understanding if he's gone. Be grateful he's and know he willmost likely end up in a shittier position in the end.

I don't know why I am still hurt...I been separated for almost three months now and I still feel the same pain like it happened yesterday. I guess it was all the lies and deception that she fed me. Saying I love you and I NEED you..and crap like that. Now that its over, for the dumbest reason ever...it hurts..I don't understand it to this day and still mourn the lost. I don't plan on playing with younger woman now...which I should since all three of my Ex's are older. But I cannot understand why its take so long except for the fact I wasn't prepared for the blindside!!

I'm still married but going through some rough times now (married at 17, 40 now) I think what he is going through is a thought process (women prob go through as well) Remembering how good things were when they were both younger. A woman of any age can fufill the desire to be loved if she truly cares and realizes that men have feelings too. We always have to be the strong one. To tell you the truth it's hard and if a young woman sees something that his former wife did not then he will reach out for the compassion.

just my 2 cents.