Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Why can't I move on? He was my best friend!

Emilys13
Emilys13

I still talk to my EX boyfriend even though we broke up 8 months ago. He even moved on and found someone else and when she broke his heart he wanted to be friends with me again and confide in me about their issues. Now that he is over her he thinks its ok to go back to treating me like shit while he finds another woman to be with. Like he wants to be able to talk to me like I am one of his guy friends. I love and care about him too much to hear him talk about other women and not get uncomfortable/sad/jealous. I do not want to date or meet anyone new right now as I am healing from this bad relationship but I cannot seem to stop talking to him and wanting him in my life. I do not have a lot of friends and want to find some that are single and around my age (30). I am in Minnesota if there are others out there close to me. I just dont know what to do or how to stop talking to him. someone told me its codependency and someone else told me it is battered womens syndrome. I think it may be a bit of both but he is also a narcissistic person and is a good charmer when he wants something from me or pittys me enough. this relationship consumes me and I am obsessed. I know this I just dont know how to cut ties. I have tried blocking his number but something reminds me of him and I unblock him and call him to tell him. We do not see each other on social media or in person either so it's mainly emails, texts and phone calls. I dont have anyone else to talk to about this either so I resort to trying to talk to him about it and he is rude, inconsiderate and unemotional. HELP!!

AdelynRene
AdelynRene
It takes a real, life shaking event to change someone like him. I imagine that he uses any other woman he tries to get with, as a chance to complain about his relationship with you and with others. He will get instant satisfaction and a feeling of power out of that, like "Hey, look at me! I am the king because you have fixed your attention on me!"

The change has to happen with you. It sucks, and it will make you feel helpless. And I do know all about blocking and unblocking. You just have to decide to not reverse the decision. If he knows that you are thinking of him, then he will think that he has the upperhand.

Challenge yourself to do something to go 24 hours, and fill that 24 hours with new things to do. And then start over.

And to hell with him!
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I agree with AdelynRene. As difficult as it is, you need to make your own life, a life without this guy. He is just sucking the energy and life out of you and he is using you and you are too good for that. Make an effort to talk to new people every single time you are out....maybe that will lead to a friendship. Look on meetup, look for other events in your community and attend them. I think the problem is not enough friends and too much time to think about your ex. Once you meet some new people, and you go out and do more things and keep busy, you will forget all about this guy. And he will undoubtedly move on to the next person who will feed his ego.
snflwrgrl
snflwrgrl
You sound like a very loving and caring person. Have you considered joining a hobby group in your community to make new friends? My friend loves to hike so she recently joined a hiking club and another friend of mine has been in a book club for awhile. It keeps them both busy and it has opened up a whole new circle of friends for them. I am very involved in my church so that provides good fellowship for me. When I was going through a really hard time I talked to my pastor and I saw an excellent Christian counselor. Do you have anyone like that in your life that you can talk to? Sometimes it just helps to talk. I’m glad you reached out! Don’t ever forget that you are worthy! Big hug!
Aronia
Aronia
I was hung up on someone who was a total POS. We love the person we thought we saw, not the person he truly is. His true nature is the one that hurts.
I think you will get him out of your life when you are ready.
I wish I had the strength to do it sooner.
Emilys13
Emilys13
You guys are so awesome!!! thanks for the support and the great ideas! I am going to try my hardest to work on this! Its getting to that point where Im done feeling this way and want better in my life even if I have to be alone for awhile!
pietro84
pietro84
You need to flat-out tell him you are going to take a break from being in touch for, at least the next few months, while you focus on self-care and new things. You need to flat-out tell yourself the same.

What is the history of addiction and/or abuse/dysfunction in your respective backgrounds??
Emilys13
Emilys13
I have had a lifetime of addiction, abuse and dysfunction from early childhood. I do go to therapy and take meds and have been sober over a yr but I feel as if my OCD and bi-polar really has a play in all this.
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