Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I ended up having to talk with my wife today because she left a message on my phone about something to deal with the dog. We have also emailed today. Finally called her when I was finished at the house to tell her that I had fed the dogs and that I had left some frontline on the kitchen counter for her to put on the dogs after she gives one of them a bath.
We started talking and she basically said that she plans to head for divorce in November, but I began to talk with her about the marriage. She agreed with me on some things and then she said she wished that I would move on. I told her that we made a solem vowel in front of God and breaking that vowel shouldn't be taken so lightly. She said that she agreed with that but she isn't ready to start working on things and it might take a while before she is ready to try anything. I told her we should give it our best effort and if it doesn't work we at least tried. She said not now but maybe later on.
Why am I still hanging around and trying to work on things. Most guys would have been running for the hills. Everytime I talk to her I break down and try to get her to work on things. I am fine until I talk with her and then I get weak again. I just don't understand why I am like that. I just can't seem to flip the switch that I use to have to cut off my emotions.
So now I am back in limbo wondering if there is a slight chance that we could work on things. Then that leaves me wondering why she wants this time to figure out if she wants to work on things. That then leads to the thought on what the heck did I do that was so wrong.
The sad thing is that our relationship was always something that could have been meanded easily. Marriage counseling would have done wonders for it.
Anyone have any thoughts on this?
We started talking and she basically said that she plans to head for divorce in November, but I began to talk with her about the marriage. She agreed with me on some things and then she said she wished that I would move on. I told her that we made a solem vowel in front of God and breaking that vowel shouldn't be taken so lightly. She said that she agreed with that but she isn't ready to start working on things and it might take a while before she is ready to try anything. I told her we should give it our best effort and if it doesn't work we at least tried. She said not now but maybe later on.
Why am I still hanging around and trying to work on things. Most guys would have been running for the hills. Everytime I talk to her I break down and try to get her to work on things. I am fine until I talk with her and then I get weak again. I just don't understand why I am like that. I just can't seem to flip the switch that I use to have to cut off my emotions.
So now I am back in limbo wondering if there is a slight chance that we could work on things. Then that leaves me wondering why she wants this time to figure out if she wants to work on things. That then leads to the thought on what the heck did I do that was so wrong.
The sad thing is that our relationship was always something that could have been meanded easily. Marriage counseling would have done wonders for it.
Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Water is wet, the sky is blue, and I still love my wife....
I can't decide if it is good and committed that I am so loyal, or just misguided and ridiculous. Some of us just take vows and commitment really seriously--and when there was not infidelity involved (and I truly don't think there was in my case, I know a lot of people on DS don't believe me, although we DID have other big problems), I think it feels more like it could be mended with counseling.
What gets me is that we didn't have enough counseling for me to conclude that it really was an irretrievable breakdown, as they used to call it. Ours is only irretrievable, as far as I'm concerned, because he doesn't want to retrieve it and mentally/emotionally moved on while I was still fully engaged in the marriage.
So heave, I am very sorry, and sending you support, but I sure wish I had some answers....
I know in my mind and heart if she turned up now and said I am back lets work things out I would welcome her back foolishly. I am slowly coming to realise that the only right time to take her back would only be when I know I can happily live without her and have the strength to say no thankyou to the preceeding scenario. If that makes sense?
None of us ever wanted our worlds torn apart, turned upside down, inside out or to be left with the pain of it all. (I'd rather my teeth pulled) But about all any of us can do now is to look after ourselves, look forward and concentrate on what we want our life to do and this means without them in it.
It's our unfortunate reality. There is no point being in love with someone who is not obviously in love with us. So love someone who will appreciate it. Yourself.
Man Hug {{{{HeaveToo}}}}
Like I like to say, once the promises are broken, it's all business.
Anyway, the point is I think you need to decide for yourself whether the promises have been broken are not. At least for me, that made deciding what to do so, so much easier.
Be strong