Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Wife wants to end marriage. I contacted a realtor to sell house. She said she's not moving. Why should I have to move out when she was the one who initiated this crap? She won't move, she won't sell the house, so what do I do? She doesn't work. I pay all of the bills. I can't afford to keep house and get apartment. Is there some kind of general rule here, regarding separation? It's already been 2 months and I can't take living like this anymore. Why do I have to pay for her expenses, when she doesn't want to be married to me?
Women are no longer viewed by the courts as "delicate flowers" who should stay home and be solely supported by their former husbands. As a woman who is slightly older I can tell you that women fought long and hard for everything from th e right to vote to the right to equal pay for equal work, now some of t hem don't much like this idea.
I was married to my former husband (not recent ex) for 26 years and was a stay at home mom. I went back out into the work force..he did pay me a small amount of maintenance for a few years and when t hat was over my pay had increased by slightly more than the amount he had been paying me.
For several years I have been totally self supporting. It is possible.
Don't move out of your home until you have legal advice, a plan of action and the means to implement it.
Do you want 50/50 custody of your kids. If she's been a stay at home mom, this will be an uphill fight, but it Might be a good solution all around.
Can either of you afford to keep the house by yourselves? In most situations, the answer is no.
Things she needs to think about Now. Does she want to go back to school? This may mean that you pay more Now. But in the Long run, it will mean that she will make more money and be able to support your children better. AND it may mean that you pay Less child support....in the Long run.
I was a stay at home mom. We were in a house that we could easily afford, AND the ex got 3 promotions in a row and just about doubled his salary. That meant that I could "buy" him out of the house by giving up a good chunk of the 401k aquired while we were married.
So he's "stuck" paying a lot in child support and alimony for 3 years. But when I graduate, the alimoney will end, AND his child support will drop. AND our kids get to stay in their own rooms, and school, and friends and so on.
If she doesn't go back to school, she will need to find a job...soon.
In ANY case, you BOTH need to go talk to lawyers. They can give you each independent advice about what is likely to happen. In my case, it helped me realize that I could afford to keep the house, and gave him a reality check that he'd be paying more than the guys in the bar that he was talking to, who obviously made less money than he did.
ALSO, it's good to get online and find the Child Support Calculator for your state...that will tell you Exactly how it's figured out. Yes, in special circumstances the courts depart from it....like special needs children, or incapacitated spouses, but that doesn't sound like your case. Talk to your lawyer about what alimony you will be expected to pay, and for how long.
Remember that the alimony will help her get on her feet (if she so chooses) and help your children.
No one's going to be rich coming out of this, but who knows, if she goes back to school like I am, perhaps better financial days are ahead.
And like everyone else has said, don't move out until you talk to a lawyer and know what your plan is.
But states differ completely on that one. And Proving infidelity in court is no fun. But it improves your position concerderably in some states.