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PLEASE seek real legal advice. We can all give you opinions and share our experiences but, not everything is the SAME. Talk to the professional about his....the sooner the better.

Great subject, similar shoes but different size here. I moved out cause, my wife and I were so hurt when she asked for the divorce we could not be near each other. I moved across country, she is doing a few things to get the house on the market but has yet too. She has not filed for divorce and I frankly do not know if the house will sale for what we need to get as we have only owned it since Nov. 17.
I hate that she decided a month into our new venture she did not want to be married anymore. I do not know what to do, I have since been unemployed and she drained our savings to pay mortgage, I told her she can take the tax return to pay the mortgage and I would help where I can but I too cannot afford to pay rent, mortgage and at 33 sure do not want to live with mom for much longer! Stick a fork in me I am done!

Rman,

Discuss this with an attorney ASAP.

These situations can bring out the worst in people. The stress can be overwhelming.

If she wants the house, ask your attorney how an extremely desperate person could get exclusive possession of the house temporarily or permanently in your jurisdiction.

Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

Good luck in the pressure cooker,
RR99

You say that she refinances the house in her own name if she wants to keep it, and if she wont, you move out and stop paying the mortgage, but only after consulting a lawyer first.

You have received excellent advice and I would not move out either, until I consulted an attorney! I think that it is time to protect yourself and the children. Hugs, Kimmee

I think Southern said it very well! :)

I'm in a similar boat, but switched around. My stbx wouldn't leave (eventhough he made terrible choices). He lingered around and had the attitude that he was the one with the money so he should be the one to stay at the house. We have small children and he was very overbearing and controlling. I tried to get him to see that the children deserved to stay in their rooms, in their house, in their comfort zone. He then said he would find somewhere else, then would change his tune and say he wasn't leaving. This went on and on...and on... When I finally did file, he was so angry that I wasn't sure how he'd react so we ended up leaving (myself and my small children - more for safety than anything). It just really does NOT seem fair!

This is off of a Maryland Divorce web site; Who gets to live in the house during the divorce?
If children are involved, the parent who spends the most time with the kids, or provides their primary care, usually remains in the marital home with them. If you don't have children and the house is the separate property of just one spouse, that spouse has the legal right to ask the other to leave.

If, however, you don't have children and you own the house together, this question gets tricky. Neither of you has a legal right to kick the other out. You can request that the other person leave, but he or she doesn't have to. If your spouse changes the locks, or somehow prevents you from entering the home, you can call the police. The police will probably direct your spouse to open the door. When you both own the home, the only time you can get your spouse to leave is if domestic violence has been committed and a judge grants a restraining order.

Glad I dont know anything.

I just can't afford to pay for the house AND rent an apartment. I want the best for my kids, but how in the world is this going to work out? She has no job, or qualifications. She can't afford to pay our bills. I think I might be in the early stages of getting royally screwed.

Not going to bs you. You are. If you have a401k she can get 1/2 of it. I just read the laws for divorce in MD. Get a lawyer asap. Just try to stay out of her way. I lost the house had to sell. With cs it takes up about 45% of my chech that also includes taxes and ins. for 2 kids. There are several web sites that can give you a look at what you are facing.

Crap.

I messaged you send back

Yup, royally screwed is right, join the club rman. I don't want to cause you more grief and pain but that about sums it up wen you get divorced. Most of the time the only people who don't lose their but in all this is the lawyers. The more you can do to resolve this amicably, the better for you and your wife.

P.S. When I said you'd have to pay support I was referring more to child support than spousal support, that's presuming that she will get custody of the kids of course. Most states have a formula and that part is pretty cut and dry.

Under MD Child Support Laws
they concider your income and hers.
1. actual income of a parent, if the parent is employed to full capacity
2. potential income of a parent, if the parent is voluntarily impoverished

So when you go to lawyer have him go after her for the money she can make it might help you out.

Go to WWW.dhr.state.md.us/csea/help.htm
This site will give you a rough estatement of your cs. It is the guidelines to find out how much

First, stop looking at things like "Why do I have to pay for her expenses, when she doesn't want to be married to me?" Because the flip side to that is a guy whose wife wants to leave him but can't, because he'll cut her off financially and essentially throw her out on the street. No court in the world is going to let you do that. It's essentially extorting her for her services as a wife.

Second, yes, you're going to lose your shirt in this, but she's going to lose out, too. Everything you've accumulated over the course of your marriage is partially hers, too. (The only portion of your 401k your wife is entitled to half of is the portion you earned over the course of your marriage. Everything you had in there prior to the marriage is yours and she has no rights to it.) You may have earned the paycheck that paid for it, but she paid for it by keeping up the household and raising your children.

But, third, no court is going to make you do things you can't afford to do. You're not going to be forced to go into debt just so your stbx can stay in the house. If you can't afford it and also get a place for yourself, then you can't afford it and you'll have to sell the place.

How long has your wife been out of work? What was she doing before she stopped working? How much more do you currently make if you compared that to what she could be making if she went back to work?

The only way she gets to live on easy street is if you're pretty wealthy. Otherwise, BOTH of you are going to be financially set back. You may end up living well below your means from here on in because you'll have to pay a portion of her household expenses, because she's the primary caretaker of your children. She may have to go back to work because you can't afford to keep both of you in the lifestyles that you're accustomed to.

Divorce sucks all the way around and really, there are no winners.

But her obstinacy about not moving out of the house is a non-starter. You BOTH need to consider moving out of the house, assuming you're not exaggerating when you say you can't afford to pay for both your mortgage and rent on a new place. She's going to have to get realistic about what she can expect in a divorce settlement, and so are you.

If neither of you have a lawyer, please seek out a divorce mediator. If you call your county courthouse's family court division, they should be able to refer you to a good one. I live in Montgomery County, and that's how I found my mediator.

Any good mediator will tell you to seek out your own individual attorneys, as well. It's good advice, but depending on how much you think she's trying to screw you, you don't necessarily need to do that.