I disagree. It only takes 1 to create drama. I used to try and have a conversation with my STBX about things that really bothered me and she would just start yelling and getting pissed off which would end in a fight. It takes 1 to create drama but it takes 2 to fix drama. If she isnt in a place where she is willing to work on it (like mine) then you are stuck to live with that. Couples counseling or even counseling on your own would do a world of good.

Rman...I wish I could help you on this but my exH and I NEVER fought. I really mean that and he will tell you that. Minor disagreements or some sarcasm all in jest but never any arguments until the revelation of his affair. I think if I argued with someone that much that would be a red flag to either work on the marriage or get out. Huge hugs...I don't know what will make it better but maybe communication, lay it out there and see what happens.

Rman -

It is NOT about paying the electric bill.

It IS all about roles we play.

You are in a drama - you and your wife move between being the victim, the rescuer, and the perpetrator. You each move from role to role in a very unhealthy dynamic.

My marriage was like llmt reply#17. I don't know why, but the more I found out about his real life the meaner he got. I was looking though some stuff I saved on my computer and came across a text conversation I typed out so I could figure out what went wrong. In it I brought up how cruel he was being toward the end. He said he knew he was and even asked himself why, that I didn't deserve it.

My point is it was about him...not me. There was absolutely nothing I could say or do to change his attitude. It was a painful period for me then. I was injured emotionally and the one person who could change all that was going in for the kill. I had to get out.

My answer? There is no answer. This is a loose/loose situation.

Sometimes fear manifests into lashing out. Lke Dale says, it's about the big picture. Both are afraid and yet, feel stuck and then, the anger masques the reality that it is time to make a change.

I wish you nothing but peace and a better tomorrow my friend.

Tomorrow I might be a demon baby...

I like joydrop's idea of dropping a nice word or two and then keep moving. It may take awhile for her to believe the sincerity in them but if you're consistent then she may return the attitude.

Also if your desire is truly to make it work and change the dynamics, you're definately going to both have to not only go to counseling but actually be willing to try out some of the techniques they give you.

Also, the idea of what's fair will need to go out of the window. I remember arguments with my stbx lasting much longer and going much further because we both had this idea of fairness that we were unwilling to let go of. "It's not fair that I always have to...."

It all depends on what you both truly want to happen in the end.

When....when ultimately the love for each other passes...the want to do something for the other person ends. It's not about "us" as in a couple but about "me"....which then results into the littlest things becoming arguements.

Wow do I know exactly what you mean! My stbx and I were like that all the time and it got to the point where we stopped talking and it ended our marriage and now I'm in a relationship that is heading to that exact same end... Of course... its an eye opener that is a lot of me so maybe recgonizing that you could stop it before it gets worse and be the better person is a step. I know I have tried and it seems sometimes the other person thrives off the drama and always getting the last word. When it comes to that point where you know they want to fight, walk away and say" I don't want to fight. I sorry". I can guarentee you they will have time to think and will feel stupid in the end.

Do you actually say, "I sorry," out loud?

no I say sorry.... no idea how the I got in there.. haha

I like the original version better...

RDude, whats your avatar today?

Don't sweat the petty things, Pet the sweaty things.

that was always something that baffled me too, I don't get it a'tall..

I am sorry that those fights continue for you. but when two people are at odds for any reason, sometimes, that is the only way they will even communicate