Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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steppingovertheedge 07/08/2015

I'm not there yet. But there have been quite a few times lately when I have commented on *something* - could be anything - about how normally "we" like things this way, or "we" tend to use this spice in that food, or "we" like to tell our daughter this, or whatever.

But there is no "we" anymore. Now it's all "I". But I'm nowhere close to changing my mentality so that "I" is the word that comes out when I am not thinking carefully about the situation.

I guess this has been a minor trigger for the last couple of weeks. "We" have been doing things in certain ways for 19+ years. "We" will never do things together again. So suddenly I have to find out what "I" prefer to do. And fix my terminology.

More challenges. Anyone else hitting this particular wall?

dylanmurphy 07/08/2015

Denying the change from we to I.

mynewnormal 07/08/2015

do I ever understand.. I still push my 'we', by talking about my kids and I.. but thats not always the case either..

its a hard transition.. saying we for soo many years, 14 for me.. and now its 'I'.. I feel selfish saying it.. but I know I'm not being selfish..

thats a tough one Stepping.. I find myself starting off saying 'we used too..by we I mean my ex and I .. used too.. '.. that helps a bit.. but then brings it all back at the same time..

I do like your comment.. 'I have to find out what "I" prefer to do ' and thats EXACTLY what you need to do too :) a whole new world of 'I' out there.. I hear you

strwberryginger 07/08/2015

I was sooo scared when we turned to I and then even more when "they" turned into his "we"... but I have turned I into something that makes me feel so good and empowered... what do "I" want for food today, where do " I" want to take the kids.... what types of hobbies do "I" actually like?! I was so focused on we for so long there was such a lose of a true "we" that it was mostly all about "Him" and now it gets to be all about "me" and that is exciting, and scary, and freeing all at the same time!

26yearsgone 07/08/2015

I catch myself saying 'we' all the time. I don't know if I'm ready to change it to 'I'. It's makes me feel lonely, almost like 'we' never existed. I'm finding the memories of 'us' are fading. I suppose that's a good thing in order to move forward however a part of me doesn't want to forget the many good memories or the feeling of being connected to someone.

Steppingovertheedge: It was 19+ years for you, 26 years for me. A new way of thinking doesn't change overnight. It will take time. Just know that others are struggling with the same challenge.

refurb 07/08/2015

mommy is now "your mother"

(saying mommy implies we and that sadly ain't the case as she is with another)

referring to her as "your mother" to my kids was hard in the beginning but better for me and i think the kids
it is reality

jansnewnormal 07/09/2015

I noticed a few weeks ago, I've been using "you and I' instead of "we." It upsets my husband when I said, "my children" instead of "our children." I received a long email about it. Now, it's "the kids" because it was hard for me to say "we" and "our."

lynnenunya 07/09/2015

There hasn't been a we for...about 20 years.
I used to think people were supposed to stay married through thick and thin...well... I don't want to die miserable.
HE has the money....and I found out I will get nothing. Because he is 100% disabled ex military. No champva, ( medical ) no nothing.
So, after 23 years of me giving MY life and time to him, I am screwed.And stuck in this hellhole I live in.
I hate life.

jbuck 07/09/2015

I can't relate. Even when I was married, there was no "we." I just didn't realize it for most of the marriage. "We" rarely made plans to do anything. The most I would say is "My wife and I" and I'm certainly not saying that anymore. The only speech filter I'm having lately is "my ex partner" or "my previous relationship" instead of "ex wife" or "marriage." Not sure how much I believe in either of those terms and so I'd rather forget them for the time being.

I hope you guys can pull them "we"eds" :D

kkbon19 07/09/2015

I'm finding it most difficult when I am talking about "our" past experiences. "We" did a lot of cool and fun stuff-together-it wasn't just "I" and to me that gives the wrong impression of me. So I'm trying to reconcile that a big part of my life was with someone else and anyone who really cares about or wants to know me, will understand that those years of my life were shared with someone and I can't separate them from my history. He is not part of my present or future, but he was a big part of an important phase of growth for me. I guess the day to day things, I know how "I" do things, and what "I" prefer. I've always been sure of who I am. As for what I call him...my ex usually. Sometimes I say my husband-he is the only one I've had. I know that has to go.

strongandsilent 07/10/2015

I was telling a story to a friend I only talk to a couple of times. And kept using "we". She finally interrupted me to ask if I was back with my ex. Sigh. No. I had to explain it was a "royal we". But as someone here pointed out... it is really. the "denial we".

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