Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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When does this end?

cha385
cha385

My friends think I am weak or crazy or both because I still miss my husband after 6 months of separation.  He was emotionally abusive and I knew he treated me badly but didnt think it was "abuse" becsuse he did not hit me more than 3 or 4 times over 20 years and because I was not afraid of him, or so I told myself.  But really I was terrified that he would leave me, confirming my innermost belief that I am unloveable and not worth having a relationship with.  


Even now I feel like it hurts me so badly to be alone that sometimes I just get so tired that I want to just give up and stop breathing.  Other days I am almost content to be on my own and not around him anymore.  I have tried therapy, meds, prayer (which actually works quite well at times), being patient, dating someone else (which did NOT work at all), talking things out with him for "closure", ignoring him, going out, staying in, concentrating on the positives in my life, and meditation.  But honestly I still feel like I am grasping all the time for anything that might bring some relief.  


I just want to not love him or miss him anymore, but its just not happening.  I feel like my parents were right - I am just too much of a handfull and no man could ever like me, much less love me. 


Why am I like this if he was so terrible to me?  Why can't I just be happy on my own?  People tell me that there us happiness and a better life on the other side of all this pain and lonliness.  I want to believe them and I want that time to come now.  So, so tired. 

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
My friend Hugs. First you are not weak or crazy or whatever terms that they can come up with. It take time to heal. Usually takes 1 year for every 4 year of a relationship to move on and heal. You are at the starting gate. 6 months is nothing. Do not let them tell you any differently. You take as much time as you need. Hang on for the emotional roller coaster ride of a lifetime. One day you can be on top of the world, the next you will wonder what hit you. Sometimes even within the hour too. You are stronger than you believe. Be prepared to deal with someone that will try anything to make you look like it is all your fault. My sweet innocent ex did the same thing. He lost big time. Right now I have to go out but post again and I will try to answer any question you have. Remember one thing, it is not your fault. Hugs again
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
20 years? I think that's what you said, anyhow that's a long time with one person of downs and I am sure ups too. I one that loves full heartedly so even if I chose to end it it isn't that simple. There are feelings, emotions, memories and many new transitions to this new life. It's been longer for me and I still struggle!! And 6 MOS really isn't that long at all. It really sounds like you have done many positive things here and it does take time. We also all heal differently so really they shouldn't judge. Even with bad times often there was good there as well which many forget. It's hard.
cha385
cha385
Thank you atpeacemary and serenityspeaks. It helps to hear from people who know what I'm going through. I know my friends care and just want me to stop hurting because it hurts them to see me like this. Its hard though that they don't understand. They are all still married and they treat this like it just a bump in our road, like if I just do this or that (things they did to fix their marriages) the right way, then my husband will come crawling back, a humbled and reformed man, ready to follow me anywhere, like their husbands did. They are not understanding that this is different. I get where they're coming from, but I feel so isolated, like I'm the only woman to get permanently dumped and that it happened because I just am not enough or didn't do enough. I know in my mind that's not what happened, but deep down I feel so worthless and unlovable.
I had no idea healing could take that long! I don't know how I'm going to make it through 4.5 more years of this.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. Take as much "me" time as you need. Grief and healing has its own timeline. Everyone is different. It is a hard road to travel on. But you can do it. There is a bright light at the end of that dark tunnel, run for it. One day you will find that you are smiling more, feeling good and crying less. I am still taking "me" time and it has been over 10 years since I threw in the towel. One thing that will bother them more than they let on is when you see them, smile, that smile of a snake ready to strike, turn around and walk away. Head held up high.
ifinallygetit
ifinallygetit
It took me 8 months to finally get over my emotional and mentally abusive ex boyfriend of 1 year...Yes just one year. Honestly, I still struggle with it sometimes thinking that he is the best I can hope for in life. I sadly still want his acceptance of me but am slowly realizing that I will never get it as mine was a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona

You hit the nail on the head, they wear you down to the point that you don't believe anyone else will want you, that anyone else will not find you attractive. Rest assured, that is not true and even if it were, we are better all alone than with someone who wears us down emotionally and physically.

You are not crazy. Unfortunately you are one of the many woman and men who have suffered at the hands of an abuser. Keep your chin up. Here if you need a friend. Hugs
growthhurts
growthhurts
You are neither crazy nor weak. You are so strong to have been with someone that long who hurt you. Great job trying ways to heal. I'm encouraged to see that prayer works for you because it's the very thing that works best for me! During my divorce, when I was in so much pain each day that I wondered how I would even leave the house to buy food, I went back to church and they had a "support group" called Divorce Care. It's a 12-week long program where you have the support of others as you navigate through separation and divorce. I learned such valuable info and ways to cope and the support I received from others was immeasurable. I would highly recommend. I think it could help you. I'm going to pray for you. Hugs!!
cha385
cha385
Thank you everybody for your support and prayers. This is a great community and I feel blessed to have found it. It helps to hear that I'm not just defective and that others have been through similar things. I am literally clinging to any positive energy I can find and any kind supportive words that come my way. I guess I am strong, but I can't carry this pain alone forever. Thank you.
kemo8977
kemo8977
I know you can be strong and move on just open your heart.the right person is out there. I know easier said then done. Just remember life is not easy. Stay strong
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