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When an ex doesn't want to be civil

Tranquility
Tranquility

Hello.  I am wanting to see if anyone else has had issues after their divorce with their ex being very difficult to deal with.  My ex has been very difficult to work with.  It has been many years since we were divorce, but he continuously uses the children as pawns.  He is very emotionally and mentally abusive and plays mind games with the children.  He has called me numerous names in front of them (some that I would have to bleep out on here even).  He constantly lies to them and to me.


Communication is almost non-existing between us.  I want to be able to have a mutual relationship with him, for the sake of our children, but no matter what I try he constantly defies it.  I feel like I am at wits end with what else to try.  Has anyone else dealt with this and any suggestions on how to work with it?  The legal system has become very expensive and doesn't always have the children's best interest involved.  I would appreciate any input that may help.


Thank you!

movingon2016
movingon2016
I'm in the same boat as you. My ex will never stop. DM me and we can talk.
LostAndRejected
LostAndRejected
My ex is always playing games and trying to poison the well with my children.

I had to put up a boundary where the only communication we have is through text or email. Any nonsense she tries to bring my way is ignored. I'll respond if it's about the kids ONLY.

I can't control what she says to the children. I can only be a good father on my side and show them a good example of what a true parent is. They'll never hear me say a bad word about her no matter how mad I am. I'm hoping that someday I'll have them notice and tell me, regardless that's the path I'm going to continue down.

It sucks. You can only control one side of the action.
jojored
jojored
How old are the children? Can you go no physical contact, except in emergencies? I would try to position myself so that I'm never within hearing range of him. Park outside and drop off/pick up the kids. Text only. Also, try to sit down with them and tell them that what their father is doing to you, berating you in front of them, is wrong. That even though you have your differences with him, you try to respect him and not speak ill of him to them. Tell them that you deserve the same treatment, and that you hope he will eventually come around and do the right thing. Tell them you expect them to not speak badly of other people when they make them mad. Then let it go. Unfortunately, there is no cure for being a dick.
johnhascats
johnhascats
I have the same problem, but it's with an adult child. He is autistic and I have to arrange travel for him through my ex if I want to see him. She dumps on me telling me I'm not spending time with my son, but when I try to work out car shuttling with her she won't cooperate. Thank God for live video on the internet. It's not the same, but it'll do until I can get her to cooperate. Or until my son dumps on his mom enough..
REDHEN16
REDHEN16
I think it would be rare for ex spouses to not have the problems you are facing and, of course, we all know it's the kids who suffer longterm. You mentioned the expense of court proceedures, do they have family mediation in your area? There are also programs called Divorce Recovery that could help. You can't do much about what your ex does, but try not to be defensive. Children are very observant so pray they will know the truth. Psalm 7:10 states, "My defense is of God, Who saves the upright in heart." Blessings to you and peace in this difficult time.
Tranquility
Tranquility
I am not familiar with Divorce Recovery. What is that about? We have tried the family mediation in the past, but it was not successful. Thank you for your quote, I have been taking a lot of this to prayer lately. It is a shame that so many have to go through this.
Tranquility
Tranquility
LostandRejected,

I have went to the text or email for contact as much as possible. Unfortunately, we still need to occasionally communicate because of the children. It is one of those cases though that no matter what I say or do, it gets twisted.

I hope that some day the children will see their father for the person he truly is. Until then, I have to keep my head up and pushed on, even when I can see the long term effects that my children will have to deal with.

Thank you for your response.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
Oh lord living some of this.....its misery! We have three kids and EVERYTHING is a battle we barely communicate....its draining my life right now. Sorry I have no advice as we seem to live in court! Sigh
Pheonix95
Pheonix95
I've been having issues as well. We share kids 50/50. I wish I was thinking when I divorced, I assumed that we would work together for the sake of the kids. Now, I can't stand him.
Everything is about his new family and he expects for me to for into that. I'm not sure if I'm bitter or jealous that he has remarried. I just wish that he considered the kids needs Beyond his own convenience.

I have no solutions for ya. Sorry
Tranquility
Tranquility
Serenitysparks,

I feel your pain when you say about being in court all the time. It seems like a never ending battle. Then there comes all the lies with that as well, as I am sure you have dealt with too. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you are battling the same type of things I am. I pray one day it will get better for us all.
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