I'm sorry to read about your situation. I had a friend who did that for about 3 years after breaking up with her ex. She used the relationship she formed with his daughter as her excuse. She'd buy her birthday, Christmas, and achievement gifts, just as a way of seeing him, even though she'd never admit it. She'd say that Iona would expect it, and try to convince herself that she still had a relationship with Iona, and didn't want that to end just because she wasn't seeing her father.

Can you see how pitiful this all seems? It took her another three years after stopping the gift giving just to get over him fully, in total taking up six years of her precious time after they split up. Don't let this be you. To this day she has a hard time meeting men because of how vulnerable she allowed herself to become.

Don't fool yourself to think you're doing it for any reason other than seeing him and staying connected. It doesn't matter that you helped raise his son for 6.5 years. The way you write this is as though you're entitled to remaining in contact since you partially raised him. Let it go, let it all go. The more you idolize and place endearment on all of this, the longer it will take you to recover.

It doesn't matter that he's talking to someone else; dwelling on that is an exercise in self-torture. There's a reason he's your ex, what are those reasons? Can you write them down on a list and pin them to your fridge, where you can see them everyday, to remind of why he's not good for you?

Too many people pine over the loss of a troubled relationship, remembering only the good and placing their ex on a pedestal, to what extent? To completely destroy whatever self-esteem you have left. Why would anyone want to do this to themselves?

If you can sensibly explain these things to yourself, you may not feel the desperation you're experiencing and realize that you're best friend, being you, is waiting for you to come back, so they can enjoy the pleasure of your company once again.

Wishing you well.

I'm not trying to make excuses, but it has been a huge adjustment. I did have a huge part in raising his son. He was 4 months old when he came into my life and for a good amount of time he called me mom (on his own accord, we never encouraged.) His mom put an end to that and we agreed he would call me Lindsey. He has been telling his parents he misses me and my ex (his dad) has texted me telling me that and that he wants to see me. When my ex left, I also lost my step-son and it felt like I lost my family. I appreciate your advice and feedback, but that doesn't change how I feel today unfortunately.

So he has moved on from you after having already moved on from someone else, a pattern seems to be emerging here, a very unhealthy pattern which although he has involved you in has nothing to do with you. In the long term you will realize he has done you a favor, hang as tuff as you can until then, the road will be somewhat rocky just as it is supposed to be.

Oh I know. We were both each other's longest relationship, so it has just been hard adjusting.

I'm so sorry you're going through this loss, which is almost like losing someone to death. Of course you are grieving, and 3.5 months isn't very long. When my dad left, it took my mom a year to feel together enough to get a job. But eventually she remarried happily. When a serious relationship ended for me, I felt the loss too. But for both Mom and me, prayer and friends at church as well as our family helped fill the empty place. You sound like a caring person, to be still concerned for his son. I hope you will reassure this boy that although you won't see him as much, you still love him and that this is not his fault. And perhaps one day you'll find someone more faithful, with whom you can make the permanent commitment of marriage. Mom and I both did, and I pray you will too.

Perhaps you should remember what you DON'T like. List betrayals, deceit, tone of voice, how he'd react, irresponsibility, selfishness... whatever the traits are. Remember what was more important to him than you or the relationship. Stop looking at him through rose-colored glasses. Use a microscope to see the truth up close. Take out the list to remind yourself, occasionally. Come of with examples of each and when you are experiencing another bad day, come up with new examples.

I've recently had a break up of my marriage, its tough for months it gets easier for a while then its hard again. Its going to take a long time to move on but you will get there eventually!

Remember all the agony and anxiety he brought to your soul. It hurts now - I know; I am going through something similar. One day at a time...

I really suggest going No Contact, at least for a few months to emotionally detach from your ex. After you can properly grieve and remove yourself emotionally (could be a couple or several months) then I would suggest seeing his son. You won't ever get past this if you keep one foot in and the door open for him. Be honest with yourself in regards to if you are leaving the door open and how wide? I really struggled with this the last few months but realized I needed to accept it was over, close the door and cut off all communication for a bit. Best of luck!

-TM

3.5 months is just the beginning stage. Unfortunately this is going to take time.
Like tejema said...NO CONTACT is the way to go. It will help with this emotional roller coaster you are feeling. Take the time to focus on yourself.
The 1st everything will be tough, birthday, holiday, anniversary etc. Find something you enjoy doing. Think of you today
-HUGS-

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. :)