Good for you! I especially like the "man of honor" part. That is so important!

Sounds like you have alot of great qualities. Good for you.

TSand, you are a great dad! I can totally tell how you put your kids and their feelings first in all of your postings...very admirable.

As for what I've gained...I've gained a confidence in myself that I can survive on my own without his help. When we were married he ran around telling everyone how I was the one who spent all of our money and couldn't handle it. Somehow (sarcasm) I've managed to handle my bills all by myself...sure he pays CS but I have already conditioned myself not to expect it and budget accordingly. He has no emotional attachment to our children anymore so I'm sure the support will come to a halt soon.

I also know that I will never let anyone show me the disrespect that he has shown to me. I will never allow myself to be in a position of subservience again.

TS,
I had no doubt that you are all those thing and much more. That you stayed and stood your ground proved that. I have great respect for you and other people that in the face of adversity stood up to the bullies in their life because it was the right thing to do.

I too remember the strength that I have. The independance and internal fortitude. I too am able to stand my ground and not give into the anger when faced with dishonorable deeds. I am honest and hopeful. I can still be compassionate and caring to others in need. I can be comfortable being alone. I believe in the future and have faith that good will be victorious over evil. I have rediscovered who I am and do not define myself by what we were. I am a good person and have the capasity to love unconditionally.

Thanks TS for allowing us to remember our good character traits. :)

I'm actually considering getting the japanese characters for "honor" as a tattoo- after the poise with which I have handled this, I really feel like I've earned it. I like being able to say for the first time: I can be in a terrible and hurtful and adverse situation and still have class, a heart full of love, and hope.

I wrote this in my journal about 10 days ago.. I had been thinking this same thing.. Thank you for helping us to focus on some of the good things that can come out of adversity..

In reading some of the other post, I realize that I share the loneliness, the feeling of never finding another to love me, the feeling that if I were only younger and thinner that the world would be my oyster, but then I dry my tears, and try to concentrate on the good qualities that I have.

I am a good listener.

I am faithful.

I give a mean back rub. ( I am a nurse)

I may not look like I looked just 5 years ago, but I am Alive after a devastating illness almost took my life.

I am able to love. Not just say the words, but live it.

I can forgive and forget.

I am thankful that each day gives us an opportunity to try again and love again. I pray that your trials will become triumphs, and that a new wiser person will emerge... Kimmee

Great post -- I am looking forward ot the replies, as i am one who is still stuck in the pain. I am able to carry on and take care of myself, but I did that before him. I just don't want to do that now. I do know that I have learned that this pain is better than what I was dealing with inside the marriage.

I found out what a strong, independent, and beautiful woman I really am. And I will never let ANYONE tell me different again. I found out I will NEVER lose who I am for someone else again.

I am me all day and I love that. I have found that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I work two jobs and have two children, one in school and the other not quite two. I am able to manage a house, jobs and children while going through a divorce without falling apart. I am a very positive person and that is a GOOD thing. I am patient, kind, compassionate and focused. I have a new appreciation and gratitude towards life. I do not take one moment with my children for granted. I am more able to live in the moment and don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I like me again.

And I'm with you T, I hope that I NEVER let anyone talk me out of my faith in myself again.

What I have gotten is the ability to love myself for who I am and not what someone else wants me to be. I love myself and my boys enough to NOT let them see a man cheat on his wife like it is no big deal. I love myself enough to invest in my interests and desires instead of trying to raise a 37 year man.

I counseled with my Pastor and stated to him that I felt as if I was reaping all the pain of what my spouse had sown. Pastor told me I am reaping God's grace and mercy while my spouse was reaping bitterness and hardness of heart. That put things in perspective for me!
The blessings will continue to unfold and I am so looking forward to that!

I am LOYAL

After what she did to me and what I have to deal with:

I AM F##n SPARTACUS!!!

i too still feel the pain, but know that i'm making on my own emotionally and financially. i have more good days than bad, i really just wish one thing, that he would get out of my head. thats the demon i'm fighting.

Great Post, T :-D

I found that I had just enough strength to do exactly what I had to do. Who can really ask for more than that?

I found that even with all of the hurt and pain, I still had to be honest and open with the person that hurt me.

I found that I could take a risk. I could step outside of what is "acceptable" for how I pictured ME all of these years.

I found out that I might not enjoy my circumstances, but I could still find things to enjoy.

I hope that I can continue to grow. It hurts, it is confusing and troubling...but I am not liking what I was very much.

I have become a better "friend", more willing to listen to my pals, co workers...I have developed more empathy for the plight of others. I've always been "loyal and trustworthy, caring and loving". I do believe I have come out of this better in some ways.

One day I was shopping and a woman standing near me started bawling..everyone else sort of moved away from her (pretty natural)....I didn't, instead I asked her if she would like to have a cup of coffee with me! She accepted...she never told me what was bothering her, we had coffee, made small talk. It didn't solve what was bothering her...or take away any pains I had..but I think we both felt better afterwards. I probably wouldn't have done this a couple of years ago.

My son who has also been through a recent rotten divorce seems to have developed a larger sense of empathy for others....he's a cop....I didn't think they gave a shit about anyone!