Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi everyone.
My ex (boyfriend) and I have gotten to the point where our visitations as they have been aren't going to work anymore. He would come to my place and visit our 21 month old daughter, but that's going to change now, in lieu of an argument we had today.
A little history.... Even when we were together he was never a parent - he'd come over a few hours then leave. Even when I was exhausted and kept up all night with her and asked his help of spending the night, he just never did (not even after I suffered a herniated disk in my back and couldn't walk for two weeks, and still have trouble lifting things). So, even while in the relationship I was a single mom.
Anyhow, I only want to have supervised visits between him and my daughter because I don't believe him a fit parent. I'll explain why...
He's abused both perscription (including anti-anxiety and psychotic medications) and street drugs (pot) at the same time (combined them) and seperately, including while driving. He even left a half of a joint on my floor (it must have fell from his pocket) while my daughter was crawling, which I luckily noticed in time, and he showed no remorse about it or her safety.
I've also seen big baggies full of pot sticking out from under his bed when we visited his place and again while my daughter was still crawling (easily accessible to her).
He's also going through a claim with an insurance company (we're in Canada) trying to prove himself incompetent to work because of depression. I've never seen him not functional in this way... but he's trying to prove he is. He had to be assessed at a mental hospital as a condition of the claim (and even told me he was going to "work on the vocational counsellor about not having to work"). And it turned out the treatment programs they put him in weren't working and he ended up getting ECT treatments (electroconvulsive therapy - shocks to the brain). So, I guess his inability to function well at this hospital may work for him so he won't have to work anymore - it's still in the process (he's 43 years old). Although he works on the side to make extra cash! So, it's confusing to me to know how much is real and how much is manipulation.
But the fact that he is emotionally unstable and unable to work in the real world (hasn't for 3 years) - that he is this dysfunctional, leads me to believe he is also not fit emotionally to manage my daughter alone.
He has never participated as a parent, but rather as a "helping visitor." He's just never taken on the role of a parent and doesn't have a clue (never taken a vested interest) in what her needs are.
One time I left him inside my house to feed her and instead of giving her food (that I showed him was for her) he gave her apple sauce instead of a meal.
I could go on and on. But is being mentally unstable (claiming that his depression is so bad he can't work, and having been in the mental hospital for 2 1/2 months, including ECT treatments because his depression was apparently so bad), combined with the fact that he abuses drugs... is this justifyable for supervised visitations?
I want my daughter to have a stable and regular relationship with him, but I don't and have never seen him fit to leave her alone with him. His judgements are obviously poor and I don't trust him because of all of the above.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. This next step is very new to me.
Thanks.
My ex (boyfriend) and I have gotten to the point where our visitations as they have been aren't going to work anymore. He would come to my place and visit our 21 month old daughter, but that's going to change now, in lieu of an argument we had today.
A little history.... Even when we were together he was never a parent - he'd come over a few hours then leave. Even when I was exhausted and kept up all night with her and asked his help of spending the night, he just never did (not even after I suffered a herniated disk in my back and couldn't walk for two weeks, and still have trouble lifting things). So, even while in the relationship I was a single mom.
Anyhow, I only want to have supervised visits between him and my daughter because I don't believe him a fit parent. I'll explain why...
He's abused both perscription (including anti-anxiety and psychotic medications) and street drugs (pot) at the same time (combined them) and seperately, including while driving. He even left a half of a joint on my floor (it must have fell from his pocket) while my daughter was crawling, which I luckily noticed in time, and he showed no remorse about it or her safety.
I've also seen big baggies full of pot sticking out from under his bed when we visited his place and again while my daughter was still crawling (easily accessible to her).
He's also going through a claim with an insurance company (we're in Canada) trying to prove himself incompetent to work because of depression. I've never seen him not functional in this way... but he's trying to prove he is. He had to be assessed at a mental hospital as a condition of the claim (and even told me he was going to "work on the vocational counsellor about not having to work"). And it turned out the treatment programs they put him in weren't working and he ended up getting ECT treatments (electroconvulsive therapy - shocks to the brain). So, I guess his inability to function well at this hospital may work for him so he won't have to work anymore - it's still in the process (he's 43 years old). Although he works on the side to make extra cash! So, it's confusing to me to know how much is real and how much is manipulation.
But the fact that he is emotionally unstable and unable to work in the real world (hasn't for 3 years) - that he is this dysfunctional, leads me to believe he is also not fit emotionally to manage my daughter alone.
He has never participated as a parent, but rather as a "helping visitor." He's just never taken on the role of a parent and doesn't have a clue (never taken a vested interest) in what her needs are.
One time I left him inside my house to feed her and instead of giving her food (that I showed him was for her) he gave her apple sauce instead of a meal.
I could go on and on. But is being mentally unstable (claiming that his depression is so bad he can't work, and having been in the mental hospital for 2 1/2 months, including ECT treatments because his depression was apparently so bad), combined with the fact that he abuses drugs... is this justifyable for supervised visitations?
I want my daughter to have a stable and regular relationship with him, but I don't and have never seen him fit to leave her alone with him. His judgements are obviously poor and I don't trust him because of all of the above.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. This next step is very new to me.
Thanks.
If you witnessed bags of pot within reach of your child, you should have reported it THEN, not now.
I'm not scolding you, just telling you the courts will not mandate supervised visitation without a documented history of harm, neglect, drug or alcohol abuse, or criminal activity that would put the child in harms way. Granted Apple Sauce isn't a replacement for a meal but at least he fed her something. My son is 32 now...don't ask me how many "short cut" meals he ate in his childhood years.
What you MAY be able to do is ask the court to do a "welfare check" of his home, to make sure it is safe for a young child. Not sure what that might be called in Canada.
And I'm not claiming him unfit because of depression (I wouldn't do that), but because of his abusing drugs and because of him claiming himself unfit to function in society on a day to day basis and go to work. If he can't function emotionally this way, how is he supposed to function with the stressors of managing a 21 month old child? This is a great concern to me.
Otherwise, the idea of meeting in a public place is ideal for me, something that I'd feel comfortable with, and then taking it from there.
But he's never shown interest in being a parent, and to go from nothing to having her alone and not having a clue about her needs scares me. Especially if his judgement is impaired by drugs and or depression or if he has drugs around (i.e. under his bed or fallen out of his coat pocket or otherwise).
It would be nice if at least one person on this thread could at least empathize with what this would feel like for me to be in this position. A mother is always protective and wants the best for the safety and well-being for her child. I don't see why this is so hard for people to understand.
I know it's expensive, believe me I've paid a fortune just this year for my attorney but you need an atorney that specializes in custody issues. In the state that I live in the rights of the parent outweigh the safety of the children. I was told by two"police officers" that they are both involved with turning on their dealers,noone bothered to let me kn ow or child protective services.
Document everything and let child protective services know, they may decide to do a visit on him.
I wish that there was justice but there doesn't seem to be. My x's ho is a convicted felon and she still has access to my children.
I know the HIPAA laws here prevent any medical records from being released except with specific and written consent by the patient or by court order. The only other time is if the patient has shown to be an immediate danger to themselves or others.
However, HIPAA applies in the US...does anyone have experience with the medical privacy laws in Canada?