I ditto JoyDrop's response with a twist to understanding.
Being a DS Alumni, I was trying to make sense of what was happening to me and my life.
After 17 years together and blindsided by an "emotional affair" my wife (now ex) was having, my world was totally torn apart.
I desparately needed to somehow make sense of what was going on as my life spun out of control.
I realized that where I live that
1) Non-religious based support and
2) Support for Men did not exist.
I knew that, even though all of our friends were very supportive and critical of her actions, I couldnt rely on them for non-biased advice. I also knew that I did not want, or need to be "saved" and finally, very few men in my life had gone thru the hell that i was living.

DS was the resource i needed to find not the magical answer, but the ability to get my head screwed on long enough to understand that my problems were not the fault of myself alone, but both of us. More specifically, our problem was that we failed to communicate.
DS also helped me realize that while seemingly impossible to comprehend in the beginning, TIME does heal the pain.

BTW - She now admits what I finally suspected: The attacks, hate and litany of reasons I was "bad", were all her way of diverting the attention and guilt of what she had done.

It does get better - just hang in there!

I think it goes by situation, if person constantly complains, like for years, repeating the same thing, but hate a wake up calls, they should not waist time on here and see therapist, change therapist or maybe to do both, be here and talk to therapist about how to change situation.

Its the one truth that applies to every one of us, time is the most effective medicine, more than the therapy,l the books, the support forums, the friends,...time and the white knuckles it requires to hold on while time does its work.

More people than we can imagine have survived breakups and divorce and much much worse things without support forums and without therapy and without pharmaceuticals and self-help books. I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for our recuperative powers, our resilience, our tenacity, our will to not just survive but to learn and grow and thrive. Its the human condition.

Eighty-some years ago, my grandfather left my grandmother to go chase after other women.

She had no divorce. No child support. No alimony. She had to go to work. Her 3 year old (my mother) ran out into the streets of Chicago stopping the streetcars. She (my mother) was sent to her aunts house to be raised, and never again lived with her mother or sister.

It was the depression. My grandmother was lucky to have work.

My mother grew up in a 3 room flat (apartment) with no central heat. Her aunt was a seemstress, and supported herself her husband who couldn't work after the war (the first WW), and my mother.

Yes, people have been surviving breakups and hard life events for all time.

I went thru my divorce mostly on my own. No family support, no friends because the ex never socialized with his fellow employees, no online support site until after my divorce. I did go thru a few Divorce Care sessions after my divorce.

When I married "him again" I went from one lonely house to another because that was normal for me. People have been divorcing for many years without a lot of support. You just have to get thru it and move on. That is what I am trying to do.

If I need answers I go to my peers on another forum and get the help I need. I don't get told I need to own my "S**t". That I can't discuss my ex's Narcissism. I know my faults and am working on them. That doesn't mean I have to air them on here.

I'm here trying to give a kind word and remind someone who is having a bad day that they have worth and are a good person. To not beat themselves up so. No one is perfect least of all me. Most of the people I reply to seem to appreciate my answer. Slowly I see them start to change and move forward. Not because of me but because they put in the time to work out their problem. The time to put the puzzle pieces of their life together and move on.

Thats what I feel my and other people's support is too Trisha, an offering of kindness while they do their own work, heal their own wounds, hold on with their white knuckles.

I know for me, many times, that's what helped surviving another day...someone's simple gesture of kindness when the world often seemed cruel and cold....or simply someone's willingness to bear witness, to just listen so I knew I wasn't alone, or the only one.

@OP no expectations, just global acceptance of everyone. ;)

I disagree Joy (#21). I think without the work, whatever that is for the individual, time can hurt you. Being stagnant and unproductive in your healing, just time can make things worse. It's like a sore tooth; if I just do nothing and expect time to make it better, I'm in for a surprise and a hefty dentist bill. It's the combination of time and other resources that is the best medicine, imho.

And even then, with the right attitude and available resources, some people can recover much quicker than others. For those who have done so without support groups, therapy, books, etc. I would imagine those people have incredible insight and tenacity to process their emotions and situations. To me, time helps but is almost irrelevant. I think it takes more than just time to learn and grow and thrive. Otherwise, every old person would be functional, compassionate, respectful, geniuses.

Skwerl, I didnt suggest people could or should do nothing except bid time. What I was communicating is that humans are resilient, tenacious, and have recuperative powers. It is in their nature to find homeostasis. Everything I listed is relatively contemporary, and humans have been bouncing back from crisis tragedy and loss for millenia before the last 100 years or so.

That doesn't discount the list of things that help, but I have faith human beings have a natural urge to heal and grow and survive. I have faith we all get to where we want to go, and if some make the choice to remain bitter, that is their choice, books and therapy and drugs wont help anyone who wants to remain bitter into their old age. But thats the beautiful thing about us, we have free will.

To get and give the kind of support we would like for ourselves.

Even if its doing nothing more than bearing witness to someone's pain, and work they choose for themselves.

namaste

Give me a hug when I am down. Let me know I am not alone. Tell me you understand what I am saying and what I am going through. Be my champion and cheerleader. That is support.

I like the advice. Knowing that someone out there has dealt with what I am going through, and hearing about how they dealt with it.

I also like encouragement to make the though decisions that I know I need to make.

Hugs never hurt anyone either ;-)