The things that you all are saying are things that I would probably be telling you. It's just so difficult to receive it for yourself. I guess that's part of this terrible process. I'm really trying to find hope in my hopelessness. - Hugs

thiscantbeit@ For me, there are things I can see that I could have done better with. But like you said, the way he's dealing with all this just shows me how little he cares, and has cared. That's what got me the most. Him telling me how long he's been out of love with me. I don't think that was necessary. Just hurtful. Also kills that I didn't know it.

sjs777@ I want to thank you and commend you for being able to know and admit to your part of the marriage dissolving. Keep all that and your next relationship will be much better.

vwidow@ separation from death. Yep I can see that.

There is no justice, no "fair", no karma,

The world is pretty much shit, you gave the choice to let shit bring you down, and fill your lungs and heart with ...
Yep, shit

Or you can choose to give to give your sunshine to the world, to the weak, to the meek, to the few on the feet that radiate

Life is a series of choices , every day, all choices have consequences for those in our lives , even those we have yet to intersect lives with

Hope is a choice

@refurb, I hear you and I appreiate your comment, but I'm not sure if I can completely agree. I mean I know you can choose to still hope. But when your experiences push you to feel otherwise, sometimes it no longer feels like a choice. This can go into a whole other conversation. Trust me that I am trying. But I just feel completely emptied of all I had to give.

The depth of your love determines the depth of the later painful experience related to it once over. It's odd that when we part our love for the other becomes accentuated, it's as if the blinkers come off and we remember them re when we first met them, as opposed to taking them for granted over time. This is why it's important to keep a relationship fresh so as to ensure it becomes difficult for it to fall over.

it is a choice,
i see hope as an absurd option, since I'm a smart ass, i find it appealing

find a way to see the choice of hope framed, sugar coated, couched for you to accept & make

I know how you feel. Everyday you have to get up and make the choice and have the strength but it is so hard. Sometimes too hard. And sometimes you just don't want to do it anymore. Living everyday having to force these choices that everyone says we need to make. Choose hope. Choose to love us. I don't have a confidence issue. I love myself and I know I am great. It doesn't make this rejection any less painful.

I know how you feel. Everyday you have to get up and make the choice and have the strength but it is so hard. Sometimes too hard. And sometimes you just don't want to do it anymore. Living everyday having to force these choices that everyone says we need to make. Choose hope. Choose to love us. I don't have a confidence issue. I love myself and I know I am great. It doesn't make this rejection any less painful.

@What, agreed!

I'm going to be blunt: You sound like you enjoy wallowing in self-pity. You don't sound like a grateful person; grateful for your good health, your legs to walk with, lungs to breathe with, eyes to see and take in the real beauty that surrounds us. You prefer to focus on him and what he did to you. All the how-could-he's, the I'll-never-be-able-to-understands, and all that nonsense that keeps you in purgatory. Who cares why, people are assholes, to try and figure out why assholes do what they do, is futile, because they're assholes. Stop acting so immature and drop the feeling sorry for yourself act. Grow and learn from the mistakes you made of trusting someone you perhaps should not have. Discovering the how and why you got involved with someone like him, will give you the answers you're looking for, not the other way around. Focus on that, and distracting yourself with the things you enjoy doing. Place the emphasis on you, and stop thinking about him.

Wishing you well.

I thought this was a space where you can let out these kinds of things. The stuff that in human nature some of us experience that you can't let out as you function throughtout the day - because showing vulnerability and weakness brings judgement. Human nature is a funny thing. But you're entitled to your opinion. God bless.

This has nothing to do with judgement or human nature, that's more self pity talk. It has everything to do with mindfulness and enlightenment. You haven't taken a moment to look at or entertain another perspective without mockery, and that says a lot about you and perhaps why you have such feelings of hopelessness. Delving into why you do this to yourself can help you unlock the misery and find true joy.

You're not emotionally mature enough to realize that you are creating the world you live in. If misery is your cup of tea, and you want to write about it in your journal, so be it. But when you post in the forum, prepare yourself for some truths that you may not be ready to accept.

Wishing you well.

I have no problem with truths and I wasn't mocking anything. The judgement I referred to is the judgement you get outside of this forum so it wasn't for you to become defensive. Talk about immature. I don't understand why you keep referring to me being immature because I expressed some emotions I'm dealing with. You don't know anything about me except for what you read here and that's fine if you choose to want to make a judgement based off that - because that's exactly what you did how ever you may choose to label it. And again, I was under the impression that this forum was for posting things of this nature. If you find yourself removed from feeling things like this, great for you. People deal differently as this forum has demonstrated. But please refrain from coming at me on my posts. Where I appreciate honesty and truths regardless how difficult to hear, I do not appreciate all the other extra stuff that's unnecessary. But thank you for your comments though.

This is a forum for opinions and advice, whether you like the advice or not. Your ending to my first posting is dismissive and that's mockery. I know enough from what you've written to say the things I have said, and they're not extraordinary or unique to you. My advice to you is a gift. What you decide to do with it is completely up to you.

I agree with one of the comments...reading is always a good outlet