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What do you say to someone who has lost all hope?

Feeling nothing but the residue of the hurt and anger of my circumstance - nothing else. 


I've sort of hit a rock bottom of sorts, and don't see the way up.


Still crying, still missing him, still wishing for a form of justice - a pay back.


I will never understand why I'm here, why he was able to do this to me. 


Why did I love him so strong but never received that kind of love in return - although I didn't realize that when I was in it.


Why did he lie to me? Why does he have to effect me the way he does without doing anything? 


Just the thought of him, the memory of him, the pain from him. 


I'm tired of having to be strong and function while carrying this. I don't want to be here anymore.


What do you say to someone who has lost all hope? 

Replies

sjs777
sjs777

there are stages of a breakup and unfortunately part of which is mourning the loss of it. its a necessary part of healing. take mental breaks (see my journals for more info). try not to think of everything all at once
thiscantbeit
thiscantbeit

I sound like a broken record and it's because this is all that plays in my head. It's been over a year and I still struggle with this. Trust me, I don't want to think of any of it, but it torments me. But thank you for your comment. I will check out your journal entries.
sjs777
sjs777

unfortunately there really is no set timeline. the best we can do is push ourselves forward, with support or without (there always is, we just have to find it), to evolve to a new found happiness. find what works and do more of it and stop doing what doesn't. psychologists speak volumes about how we are both creatures of habit (especially bad ones or doing things that don't work) and by that token are masochists, where by we get caught up in the negativity
ripped_my_heartout
ripped_my_heartout

We get so wrapped up with the "WHY'S" that we neglect ourselves. I'm there, I thought I was past the why's but they come back to haunt me. We are human...it is natural for us to ask why, we tend to over analyze looking for answers. Some answers we just will not get and some answers just do not matter.

I am starting up my therapy sessions again this Thursday. I need to focus on my kids and myself. I hope to get past this again and I hope you do too. We are human, this is normal and we will get past this. Believe and stay strong.
-HUGS-
Imlosingit
Imlosingit

I feel ya. And I'm still living with mine! Extra bonus!
When I get like that, which is less than it use to be. Meaning not everyday. I found screaming and yelling at him - when he's not here-
All the things that he's done and said that hurt me. The why couldn't you have just... how could you have.... Do you KNOW what you did... I add in a few Your a dickhead, and other not so nice choice words.
I do a little beat myself up stuff to. But then I start to remember how much I've grown and how much better it will be without him. Then I go back to yelling, until it's all out of my system. (for the time being) It totally sucks that we can still let them get to us like that. Especially when their already done. Or moved on. A holes!
I'm sorry, your going through this. Totally sucks. Try and find some good for you to do to try and get your mind off him. Have you tried coloring? Or puzzles? Hang in there. Hugs.
sjs777
sjs777

i'm sorry, but reading dickhead made me giggle
thiscantbeit
thiscantbeit

I really appreciate all of your comments.
@sjs, again thank you. It is good advice.
@rip, my buddy, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
@ Imlosing it, I have practiced whole conversations in my head, written emails (without sending them) things like that to try to work it out of my system. This process is horrible.

Try to find something enjoyable... I have to laugh because boy have I tried. But because I'm so detached from everything I operate on robot mode and nothing "moves me" (except this situation, smh). As I've said previously, I just feel like it is so hopeless to change. God help me!
Imlosingit
Imlosingit

:D
sjs777
sjs777

reading is always a good outlet. it blows me away that i even say that as i was never an avid reader, but you can't think of other things while you read
Imlosingit
Imlosingit

Oh, please don't take the smiley face for you. That was for sjs777 on his dickhead comment.
And when I said "yelling"? I meant it literally. Yell out loud! Top of your lungs stuff! I never felt I could do that to his face. I have a folder on computer of unsent letters. Journals full of ARGs!! You need to believe that you did nothing wrong! Its ok to be upset with him. But please stop blaming yourself He's not worth it.
Listen to the song "Tell my heart to beat again" sjs777 was nice enough to put up for me. It helps me. Hang in. Another hug.
thiscantbeit
thiscantbeit

@sjs, I'm not really an avid reader myself but do find myself reading more often.

@Imlosingit, the smiley face was fine lol. I don't really blame myself. I do blame him because nothing about the way he handled the situation showed that he really cared about me. The only thing I do own in this is that I ignored things that would have probably made a difference had I moved on them. I know that song well, it's on my playlist ;)

Thank you - Hugs
PeteMason
PeteMason

I say wherever there is life there is hope and you are still alive yes?

What you are experiencing is a transitional phase, a natural and healthy transition phase. Be aware that time is your friend and, it began being when your relationship ended, and it never stops being, you simply get stronger, and stronger, and stronger.
sjs777
sjs777

i accept that i made mistakes as well in my relationship. most notably complacency and not acknowledging her in ways that meant most to her, not because i didn't want to, but that i didn't know how. sadly i do now, but time took its tole as did life. One day i'll go into greater detail in a post. we will all grow from this. stay strong
vwidow
vwidow

I say that he's not dead, like my husband, but if he treats you like YOU are, it's like he's dead to you...
I think nothing is worse than the separation of death, where you can never talk again to them. But it's ilke death if while they still live you never see them again.
vwidow
vwidow

The greatest thing you can do (and I've been in your circumstance) is to turn and care for/love yourself. You need to be good to yourself and honor yourself when others don't. God didn't create us to be abused and/or taken for granted or unappreciated. We need love. You can't let yourself down or disappoint yourself. "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you don't love yourself you can't love anyone else either..Embrace yourself, comfort yourself and seek God's comfort as well. "We love because he first loved us." "God is close to the brokenhearted." "..he is not far from each one of us."
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