I think Mojo has a good point. We all have to face adversity at some point in our lives. Of course, we all want to protect our children and make sure they are happy but what happens when as adults they face a crisis for the first time and no one has modeled for them the correct way to handle it? Some people will pull through just fine but many others fall apart. Life is what it is. Things happen. There are, in my opinion, far worse things that having parents who are divorced. One of my son's best friends lost his father to cancer a few years ago and has a mother who is more committed to her social life that to being with her only child. This child is in a far worst situation than my son who has two parents that live 1 mile apart and are there together for him at every turn. Yes, it probably does suck that he has to split his time between two homes but it could be a lot worse.

Of course, we all feel guilt. Parents feel guilty about having to move their families across country to take another job, forcing their kids to make new friends. Parents feel guilty when they can no longer afford to send their kids to the private school the child has attended for years and they have to pull them out. Parents feel guilty when their child gets into a top rated college and they can't afford to send them there. Parents feel guilty when they both need to work and their child has to spend the day in daycare everyday. The list of things to feel guilty about is never ending....

Brian has a lot of good suggestions. You and your stbx need to come to some sort of amicable understanding. Your children will be a lot less afraid of divorce if they know that both parents are there for them and can act like adults. Not that you need to be the best of friends but you need to put aside your personal differences for the sake of your children. Good luck.

Do not feel guilty. You know who should feel guilty? The people who stay together for the kids, studies show that messes the kids up and makes them blame themselves...far better to have a happy mommy and daddy apart then a miserable mommy and daddy at each other's throat everyday. Both parents should remain active in the child(ren)'s life but if one doesn't that is still ok just be sure they have a strong network of extended family or close friends who can be rolemodels, have them involved in activities or church stuff. No worries kids bounce back.

That miserable radio personality Dr. Laura would have all of us martyr ourselves in horrible marriages for the sake of our children.

Alexandria

This has been a common thought for me.

We always have doubt as parents.

A lot depends on if both parents can rise above the emotional bs the divorce will bring to remain committed to each other as parents.

The counselor my son and I see said that a child exposed to long term unresolved conflict, seems to carry more emotional baggage then those children who experience a non acrimonious divorce.

That said downforthcount, I also become overwhelmed at times when my son has cried over this divorce.

But I do believe in the long run, both my stbx and I are showing him how to work through conflict, pain and what a marriage should not be.

I wanted to be a good Father more than it occurred to me to be a good husband; more than it occured to her that her husband needed her as much as her children did...

Thank you, all.....

I too feel some guilt, but I do not want my children growing up with this relationship and thinking that what goes on is acceptable. I do not want my dd thinking she should be treated this way as a woman and I certainly do not want my 2 sons treating women this way. That was probably my biggest determining factor the past month of why I need to get out of this relationship. It is such a bad example for my children.

Yes, my children will not get to go to Disney in 2 years like I expected. But I just pushed that to 4 years. I still have the same goals for them, it just might take me a little longer.

I am reading a great book called "the truth about children & divorce" by Robert E Emery. It is fantastic and has really helped me so far. It is subtitled "dealing with the emotions so you and your children can thrive". It not only teaches you about their emotions but your own. I highly recommend it.

That's normal, but it may just be a better life for the children. Better than seeing and hearing fighting all the time. Just remain amicable and the kids will be ok.

When I got divorced the first time, my girls were 4 and 6. I felt guilty for so long--I was making a decision for ME that affected them so much. But I asked myself, if they were adults and miserable in a marriage, I wouldn't want them to stay in it. I needed to set an example of pursuing what was right for me and hopefully they would learn to do the same when they were older. They are now 14 and 16 and quite well adjusted. They know they have two parents that love them.

I've been divorced from my children's father for almost 10 years now... and I can tell you from experience, you don't get over the guilt. (Just take a look at my latest journal entry.) Not only do you not get over it... it gets worse when you see the consequences continuing to affect your children's lives as the years go by. I exepct to have to carry it for the rest of my life.