I know what you mean. I struggle with how to process that time in my life. Maybe some day we will be able to remember the fun times and ignore the bad. Some day.

Yep work hard for 15 years to just have nothing at the end and start over.

Yes, I really struggle with this.

Really frustrating.

Like pouring water in a sieve, it seems.

My amazing daughter is my only saving grace.

Without her, it would be a total waste to me.

I think you are reaching the anger stage my friend. The resentment of feeling you gave so much to someone who really did not appreciate that gift. I really don't look at them as wasted years, damn good thing, it was over half of my life. I do believe that I have become the person I am today because of this life I lead. Would I like to go back and change somethings? You bet I would. But I do not want to live in the past anymore. You are so young, you have a whole new world waiting for you. That is hard to see sometimes with how hard you work and how little time you have for yourself. Big hugs to you.

I completely understand!...I have my girls - and am so grateful for them...but other than them I feel like I spent 16 years giving myself to someone - devoting my life to him...supporting him...being loyal, and it got me nothing...he can't love me back!?...what a waste of 16 years!?...Its so daunting to think of having to start over...ugh...

I'm getting ready to throw my stapler at the wall again. The boss is gonna be pissed, but I don't care. Sometimes I wish I would get fired from both of my jobs, so I could just start from scratch. Sorry for the pissed off venting...ok...must think happy thoughts...tacos...mmmmmm...lovely delicious tacos..ok, I'm a little bit better...

I am not suggesting I know what the answer is yet- but I have started polarity (energy work) today and the therapist asked me "what was the gift your husband gave to you" and then "what was the gift that you gave your husband". I know the gift he gave to me was our children... and I am very grateful for them. But I have struggled with my gift to him... (I would only be guessing anyway- because only he knows for sure... and I refues to say good sex was the gift!!)
I guess the point of the exercise is to come to a place of peace, knowing that the marriage/relationship was an important experience in our life and that has brought us to where we are today.

Maybe this is a little too deep.... I still don't really get it myself...

HUgS! And eat some tacos! ; )

I struggle with this as well. what do I have to show for 10 years?
I walked away with little more than the clothes on my back. He even got my car in the divorce.
I have no children and I feel that I may have lost the opportunity to have them (tick tock).

I'm trying hard to look at today and be present. Right here, right now, my life is okay.
I am taking steps, and it's working, to build a better life.
But it's hard somedays for it to not get me down. I sometimes feel like a failure.

I don't feel it was a waste..just not particularly productive.

I was together with my ex for about 17 years, but it's hard to say those were all wasted. After all, she did give me the two greatest gifts I ever got: my children.

I felt this way for a long time Rman... I resented him for dangling the possibility of having another child just before he walked out leaving me with zero chance of having that last child... that was a hard one to get over but it is not as strong as it was.. I look back now & realize I have gained experience & have grasped the opportunity to grow in myself from the inside... something I may never have done otherwise. I am a better person with so much more understanding of who I am for the first time in my life..I could actually thank him now for leaving because I know that I deserve better than the shallow love he offered...
His leaving has opened other doors for me that would not have been there previously.. . if you can take inventory of what you have now in your life then think about the endless possibilities the future now holds, it's a little easier to let go of that resentment..
I won't lie though... it took me a very long time to get to this point & I still suffer the "damn him!" relapses but I gently remind myself of where I'm at now...
I also find it helps to envision him an alcoholic, lonely old man in the future.. lmao! Ok.. so there's a slight tinge of resentment still there but it doesn't consume me anymore.
Best wishes to you in the journey...

Pam, I understand exactly how you feel....I told STBX for the last couple of years that I wanted to have another child....he said no, and then just before he left, told me that DID want to have more children....I'm 40, and feel like it's too late....makes me mad....and incredibly hurt.

I don't even have children to show for my 8 years.
I feel at such a loss.
Kd, I like your exercise. I'll try it!!

I'm with you Rman. I keep thinking about 15 years and nothing to show for all the time and energy invested (not counting my boys, of course).