Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hopefully you arent sick of me yet lol. I made a huge mistake yesterday. My ex texted me that he wanted to meet up. He said the he wanted to know if I could help him get something at the pet store for his geckos. We both have geckos and he took two of them leaving me with one. He actually said "do you think you can help me get some worns for the geckos today and I have sone aruff of yours too" kind of funny really to read a text like that, lol. Anyway, I was confused by how he needed help to do that. Well, come to find out help was to pick him up frim his sisters who is staying at, drive him to the stire and two others. Get back to his place so he could show me his new place and give me my stuff. So he used to live with me and my 4 kids and his space where he had his computer was actually the walk-in closet. He didnt pay me anything for over 4 years till the last few months he only paid $200 a month for food and boatd. Ridiculous. Anyway, his family has enabled him yet again! Bought him his own bed and furnture for his two rooms there. Boy doea he have the setup! This guy used and enotionally avused me for years and drinks and almost gets my kids taken away and he's rewarded woth a bedroom set?! His family is ridulous! He does have to pay rent of $600. But he acted as though it would be easy even though he went so many years without paying me. I was so angry but held it inside. He seems to be doing ok and finally has some direction. I should be happy but Im angry and jelous. It took me dumpung him for him to get motivation and yet I feel like he dumped me. Im so hurt! And now he wants to use me for rides like last time we broke up. My stuff was a sock and a 4 year old bill! I feel so dumb! His life is improving and Im laying in bed at home depressed. He even wants to take me to lunch sometime. Like why does he care to be around me if ge doesn't want me?! Are we friends now? I just want gim to leave me alone so I could heal but Im not atring ebough to avoid him. Why dies this asshole get ahead and have support while Im strugglung?! Plus he has his family thats enabling him! He deserves to sleep on the damn floor not on a new ass bed!
-
I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
-
But if you don’t then you are only hurting yourself and continuing on in this misery and not going to allow yourself the time you need to heal and then eventually get over this and him.
You are allowing him to use you by going back. You need to be strong and show him that you are and that he cannot use you and you are not there to be used.
When he msgs or calls do not answer. Or better yet block him so you don’t even get the calls or msgs to start with and therefore your emotions will not be triggered.
You need time to heal. To get over this. To be sad, mad upset and then get over it all because in time you will. And you will eventually find someone better for yourself and he will be but a distant memory.
But as long as you keep replying and going back you won’t be able to do this.
But it has to be you who takes those steps to stop this. As he will continue as long as you let him. You have the power. And the power to take it away from him, from him using you.
You know the person he is, he’s not changed. So keep that in your mind and do what you need to to get yourself better x
Because he is still playing the game. He is still getting a big kick out of pulling your strings, pushing your buttons, manipulating and controlling him.
His thought process is "I bet I can get her to (fill in the blank) if I text her." It is a game to him.
YOU are a game to him.
If you are "weak as hell", then it is time to start exercising your will and self-control. As with muscles, the more you exercise (i.e. use) your will and self-control, the stronger they get.
You don't have to tell him you are blocking him. You don't have to ask him nicely not to contact you. This is not about politeness, manner and "not being rude". It is about you taking back your life.
Also, I find it interesting that you are angry at his family for enabling him. Can you not see that you enabled him for years? Can you not turn that anger into the catalyst to see the entire relationship for what it was? Can you not take the blinders off, honestly evaluate the relationship and find the impetus to cut all ties and more forward?
And you just wrote "And now he wants to use me for rides like last time we broke up." So he used you for rides during other break ups. You don't want to be his personal driver again, do you? Of course not. This guy needs to stand on his own two feet! Is he about your age, 37?
You said his family is enabling him. I hate to tell you, but you are enabling him the most. Block his number, you don't have any reason to talk to him ever again, and let him go use someone else (right now his sister..... do you really think he will pay her $600 a month.,... you know he won't), so don't even think about how "good" he has it now. Get away from him because I can see him setting this up to run back to you again for a place to stay for free, when he tells you next that his "sister threw him out and he needs a place to stay...." Or coming back for a FWB. I KNOW you can do better than this freeloading guy! First step is No Contact. Once you start that, it will get easier each day. You are stronger than you think and it is up to YOU, not HIM, to stop this cycle. You have all the control!
You knew he was going to use you.
He will continue to use you.
You are not alone you have your kids, and being single for a while will help you get yourself focus on you. Please seek out a good church and friends to help.
Every time you see him its going to hurt, you have to stop focusing on him. There are tons of jobs for stay at home moms too. There are plenty of good men out there that will come into your life once you are strong enough on your own.
Dont let this one guy pull you away from your own happiness.
And yes, I totally get the feeling, how none of your good deeds went unpunished, and your ex who did all those bad things is being rewarded. I have been there and I'm sorry.
You say you can't work...why is that? How old is your youngest?
You are still young at 37 and the job market is good in most areas of the U.S. I would start brainstorming, figure out what are your skills, what classes can you take to be more marketable. If you say you can't work now, you will have to someday. The economy then may not be as rosy as it is now.
I will also say, I personally have found focusing on my finances to be the most empowering thing in my life since my divorce. It is great to be able to grow my own savings without a spouse to constantly screw it up.
Isn't it easier and less stressful to try these things, than constantly ruminate and make excuses and keep yourself stuck?
If anything...you're thinking if a loser like my ex can get his shit together (even though with assistance from family)..why can't I?
I think that's the real root of your anger...pointed at yourself and being deflected at him. Try to change the things you can...about yourself. You can only control you.
You're just using the connection, complaints about texts/contact from him as an excuse not to look into your own life and start making improvements.
I've been there...hating and dissecting my ex was a lot more enjoyable than pointing the finger at myself.
You're 37...you're still very young...and you have lost faith in your abilities and yourself. It's time to make some small goals, and achieve them to start building up your self esteem. That's truly is what is needed now.
You seem like a very kind loving and supportive mother. You want to show your kids that it's not ok...to put up with a user/enabler like your ex.
Sending you light and love on your journey. Misty, you can do this, just breathe, put everything down that doesn't matter (the ex, the drama, the excuses)...and start doing the little things you need for yourself. You are the most important person in your world, and I think that's what everyone is trying to say.
Basically let's say he was addicted to crack...and you were giving him crack, buying it for him, and then telling him it's ok to use crack.
Then you get tired...and now he's gone...getting crack from his parents, sister, whomever...and then thinking...it's so unfair he is getting better crack from them then me. What was so wrong with my crack?
Then the real question should be: Why does Misty think crack is ok to have in her life?
Crack...is crack. In your case...the crack was enabling behavior of a deadbeat.
What you're doing is dangling crack still...and crying about it. It's a bad substance and in your case bad behavior as well. Stop trying to sugar coat it. I hope this analogy gets you to see exactly what it is.
I don't know why you keep saying you have no family, but his. You have 4 kids? They are your family. You are not alone.
As for his family loving and missing you...that's great. Have that connection if you want...but don't have it as a guise to keep him dependent on you and as a way to advertise your loveability.
His family loves me...why doesn't he? That's exactly what you're trying to say. Been there done that.
Your team now, is team Misty...your soul, your emotions, your physical body, your mental body, your spiritual body. What helped me was writing down things I could do each week or day...to help with each parts of myself. For example emotions: journal my feelings, physical: walk 30 min, mental: read some self help, spiritual: pray or go to church.
These are the small goals you need to make and take in order to heal yourself.
Sending light and love to Team Misty, you are not alone and you are loved because that is your God given right. Just love yourself right now, and next time find someone worthy of your love. Make sure you get to a place where you're not offering crack (favors, bending over backwards, doormat, self sacrificing...etc...research codependency) and be able to offer true love instead.