Is this normal for her? I like thinking before I speak, but that's a long time to leave somebody hanging.

Question is: How does the waiting (for a response) make you feel?

@arfie: Yeah. That has been how she contacts me. She will text me a question or one word. I would immediately respond and will not hear from her for hours or a day. And that is because she is with the other guy and his kids.

@Newman2016: It really annoys me with the waiting. I understand she needs time to think, but I'm talking about not getting at least a response. That is where my wife has lacked in communication between us during our separation. Not even, "I can't talk right now, but tomorrow?" kind of response.

You mentioned she's with the other guy and his kids - my new concern is for you and your priority and self preservation. Why are you in need or desire of a response from her? Her actions are both loud and bold.

You haven't mentioned kids of your own but I'm hoping they're either long gone or better yet, somehow not caught in the middle

I don't have kids. And you're right. I shouldn't be in the need of a response from her. Her actions has both been loud and bold. I just want to see if there is any decency left in her for the decision I have to make for the both of us, since she couldn't end this completely herself.

In the end of these back & forth, it is your decision. You have a long road of recovery ahead of you. There's really no obvious need to keep waiting. It's prolonging the agony and empowering her.

I'm going through a breakup, same issue, when I said it's time to either make it work or cutoff contact, he said no, don't, yet doesn't txt me, or see me unless it's in his schedule. She's in power and knows it... Do what's best for you, not for her...

I am. The divorce isn't what I want. But what I need to do. The way we are isn't healthy for the both us and we have been damaging ourselves with this.

If the divorce isn't what you want, then don't file yet. What is the hurry? Try cutting off all contact with her for at least a month and see if you feel better, worse, or the same. It sounds like she is keeping you on a string which tells me that she is confused about what she really wants. It also sounds like you still love your wife. Take that month to really do some soul searching and decide if you can truly forgive her for being with another man if she were to come back. Also, give her some time to miss you. Don't be available. Trust me, this will KILL you to execute - having trouble with that myself - but it should help you gain clarity. I'm going to try to practice what I preach. I've actually gone to the attorney and had the papers drawn up already. I'm an impatient woman!! :) But I decided to allow myself a month to just sit back, breathe, and see how I feel. I don't want a divorce. And I don't think you do either. So why are we both in such a hurry to finish it? My family has this little saying, "When in doubt, do nothing". I'm still in doubt. How about you?

Don't know if you read my first post, but long story short, she left me for another man, at another state, and she is still with him. Twice she has told me she wanted to come home and both she backed out because she said she wasn't ready. She was able to stay at her father's house for about 9 days and told me she wanted to give it another chance, but instead, went back to the other man. It has been almost 3 months since she left and I am now not afraid for filing for divorce anymore. If she was living on her own or living with family, believe me where I will give her all the time in the world and cease contact. But she made her decision by staying with the other man. If she is still confused, then she knows what she really needs to do. I can't tell her what she needs to do. She has to figure it out on her own. The divorce is the only thing that is best for the both of us. I do love her, but I can't be second place in her life. Nobody deserves that.

It seems she wants the best of both worlds. Her actions are speaking louder than her words. She knows you will be there for her. It may be time to soul search and ask yourself,
What do I really want?
What do I need?
What do I deserve?

In going through the emotional roller coaster of a cheating spouse, I found when I wrote down my feelings it really helped clarify a lot of things.

You deserve to be treated better.

If I didn't file for divorce myself, I'd still be stuck in a zero relationship. I was also subject to every stall technique from my ex during the divorce, which added months and tens of thousands of dollars to the price tag. He didn't love me, he didn't want the divorce but he also didn't not want the divorce. Watch out for that with your stbx, my ex is a card carrying passive aggressive personality. Although he didn't cheat, he also did nothing to acknowledge, fix, or divorce. He lives in a perpetual state of Doing Nothing, which is so unfair to everyone else involved, yet gave him a sense of power, control, and outlet for his unresolved anger issues. Because your wife can't come to a firm decision doesn't mean you have to hang on waiting forever. You know what you need to do, it's what's best for you.

I agree with jojored -you need to do what is best for you and not hold out for your wife to respond to you. It seems like you have done everything you can do to save your marriage. You have been extremely patient and understanding even when your wife has sent you mixed messages which put you on an emotional roller coaster. After 3 months, she has not come to a firm decision and has not given you any time frame at all about when she will talk to you. Now it is time to do what is best for you. Stay strong!

File for divorce pronto. Enough of her and her stupidity. I finally had to toss my wife out on her ass, I was sick of her leaving Friday's and coming home Sunday usually drunk and happy as a clam while I was home with our daughter. NOPE. Time to look after yourself.
She isn't worth it, this will never be what you hope it will. She's already sleeping with someone! That would do it for me. Gross. I'd never be able to look at her the same.