I have had ongoing problem with depression since I was a teenager. At times I feel like I want to really "tackle" the problem. But going through the whole rigmarole of therapy and doctors and antidepressants does feel a whole lot like wallowing around in it - and sometimes makes it worse. I usually stop feeling depressed when I stop rolling around in it.

I don't know if trying to heal from the demise of my relationship is the same, but you've certainly given me food for thought.

I didn't say private messages, but I suppose that's one way of asking them.

IDK, Rman. Misery loves company?

Just to be clear, I'm created this post because I am questioning my own motives about being here. I just don't know if it is the healthiest thing after a period of time and I was curious to hear feedback from people who either agree or disagree. It's simply a discussion on a discussion board...that's it...nothing more, nothing less...

I was wondering if that was the case. So when you ask yourself, what kind of answers do you get? Ones that make sense? or ones that seem lame?

Are you getting anything of value? anything helping you make the scary steps to move forward?

I know MANY times in the last few years I felt impatient, and like I was spinning my wheels, and later realized I was always moving forward, just slower or more covertly than I realized.

I'm only five weeks out from the day of separation, but I will admit, I step back from this board frequently. I love it and I am so grateful that it's here. Some days I need it desperately and just reading other people's post who are going through similar situations helps me tremendously. Then, on other days, this is the very last place that I need to be. I definitely think there's a balance that needs to be struck. But that balance is a very individual thing.

OT ~ rman I put a link to a video on here, today. It's the thread called "Feel good vid". It has a reference to tacos. I thought you would like it.

I'm going to go cry and take a nap, now.

I'll check out the vid...thanks. Does crying help? I haven't cried since 2nd grade when I fell in school and had the back of my ear punctured by the corner of a desk. It went through the back of my ear and out the front...damn that hurt.

Life is growth for me. I stop learning and I die. There is more to be learned here than divorce advice. One lesson leads to another and another. Like math, you learned to add then multiply and and.... here you are in the divorce group. Maybe one plus one does not equal three.

I'm weird because I seem to get over my breakups in a matter of days... but I've also been told I do not have a heart

I dont either. lol

IMHO

I think of it more in terms of learning than healing. I am always willing to learn and in retrospect that has helped me to heal...

healing sometimes is not a quick fix...it takes time, of course, this can vary from case to case, experience to experience...

as evidenced by some of the comments on this thread...

Finally. Something is not a waste if you think it is helping you positively...

I think that if someone chooses to stay "stuck in a rut" and not move forward...then that is their bed to sleep in, they have made a conscious decision to do so...

As always Rman, good luck *bro hugs*

maybe we could talk a little bit about what defines "living"?

I'm certain the answers would be different for each person. But if anyone feels they're not living now, while they're healing, or grieving, then it would be a great idea to make a list of what they WILL be doing when this period is over, and work towards those goals, keeping their eyes on the prize :)

Myself, I consider grief, pain, loss part of life. I'm not sure anyone escapes life without it at some point. Life is the journey though, right? not the destination, at least that's what the cliche is.

Living, loving family and friends, finding opportunities to laugh, to experience new things, opportunities to forget oneself and live in the moment, appreciating beauty, being curious about those around you, finding ways to make a contribution, and so much more happens in grief, after grief and throughout life.

yes?

I do think people spend a lot of time healing. I see it as if someone has died, broke up, divorced or have been hurt in other ways they are healing. I don't see working on a relationship as healing. I see it as making changes to grow together unless you did some thing that hurt some one. If someone is not happy in the relationship then that is hurting the other person. They are the ones who need to heal.

With me I did not have to heal because she left. I just had to live with the changes in my life because she left. Like seeing the kids part time, financially and other things.

It gets better, but healed is a tough thing to master. I do agree with you though. Time is precious, and I am tired of wasting in on someone and a situation that was so negative.

As for the second question, I will hang out here for a while longer because I have made some good friends and there are always people who need help and support.