Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Was I not good enough?

only2bestrong
only2bestrong
If any of u have read my last post u know where I'm at. I was talking / sleeping with this guy for the last 6 months. I really like/care for him but when we started out we both said we weren't ready. He was married for 17 years and they haven't even filed for divorce yet. But I have really fallen for him. Abt 2 months ago we were talking a lot and he said it was starting to feel to much like a relationship. So I kind of backed off. He has dated 2 others girls and they didn't last longer than 2 weeks and I helped him thru that. Mid Nov I get a call from him @ 3 am asking if I could come get him if I didn't he was gonna go to jail bc he was asleep on the side of the road in his truck and the cops stopped to check on him and he had been drinking. Thanksgiving weekend he came over and we had sex. Now he is dating this chick he met at the bar I am assuming the same weekend I had to go get him and they are both going on and on about how much they love each other. Why did he tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship but is already talking about marriage with her. I am so hurt and feel like a used whore.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
Never doubt yourself and think you are not worthy to be treated well. YOU ARE WORTHY! The problem is YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT.

When you are not getting out of the relationship what you are putting into it, it's time to end the relationship.

I suggested (in the kindest way) that you get into some counseling and look at self-esteem issues. You must examine why you would allow a man to treat you this way.

Sending hugs! I know you're hurting, but please, drop all contact with this loser. He's not worth your time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
he is talking marriage? believe me, the dude has no intention of marrying anyone. he is a player.
only2bestrong
only2bestrong
He has already gave her flowers for their 1 month annv and if I have it right he slept with me after he started dating her. He met her in a bar and I have heard that she works part time as a bar tender and part time at a gas station (she is almost 50) and she has tried to kill herself several times and she is bipolar (not saying she is a bad person) but he thought his ex wife was bipolar. But I am always made out to e the crazy one. I fell for him hard bc we have been thru the same crap. My BF of 4 years cheated on me with this guys wife so after all this happened we became close and I fell hard..
lovingmyselfirst
lovingmyselfirst
Run away from him
He is a married screwed up man
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't ever date married men, you will only end up hurt. Well, I guess that doesn't apply to my ex's bitch. But who knows, maybe she will dump him. Regardless, you are not a whore. We all learn lessons the hard way.
only2bestrong
only2bestrong
I thought it would be ok to date him since his wife is living with/engaged to my ex. I just dont get why this chick he met at the bar was good enough for a serious relationship but he told me he didn't know if he would ever be ready for another serious relationship. I just wasn't good enough I guess
deleted_user
deleted_user
Listen, it is a common mistake to think rejection and worth are connected. They are NOT. One has nothing to do with the other. It all comes down to this. What do you think you are worth? A relationship with a strong, independent, healthy man or a relationship with a messed up, user? Get yourself straight before you embark on a relationship. Until you do that you will only attract/be attracted to men like him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Do yourself a favor and dump him...he is using you and you deserve better.

Take care
namaste02
namaste02
Im so very sorry for your pain...

The only advice I can offer is this..... turn your focus back on you. Why are you choosing or drawn to "unavailable" men??
only2bestrong
only2bestrong
He wasnt with anyone when I was sleeping with him. Like I said he just got out of a 17 year marriage. My ex BF of 4 years was cheating on me with this mans wife. So we kind of bonded because we were going thru the same thing. When he started dating his second GF we stopped talking so when they broke up he called me again. He was only with her for 3 weeks. When he called again he told me how much he missed me etc. He told me he wasnt ready for a serious relationship and didnt know if he ever would be again just because his last 2 had ended so quickly. So we had gotten really close and then all the sudden he is with this person already saying I love you and talking of marriage after telling me 2 weeks prior he wasnt ready. I guess that is why I feel so used. I am good enough to sleep with but not good enough to have a relationship with BUT the crazy barfly that you meet at the bar is. So it makes me feel like trash. And am I good enough for anyone???
deleted_user
deleted_user
Again, if he makes you feel like that, dump him...obviously not a healthy place for you to be in.

value yourself more
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are worthy of a lot better treatment than that. RIght now, you are a booty call to this guy and not much else. And I don't mean that to be derogatory towards you, but that is what the situation is. He is clearly working through some big issues trying to get over his marriage - which he still hasn't even taken a step to end - by sleeping around and looking for love anywhere he can find it.

Cut all ties right now. This isn't worth your time.
tossedaside
tossedaside
cliche I know, but why make someone a priority when they see you as an option, JMO

Why is it at the first signs of a relationship going bad, people insist that they are not worthy or not good enough to hold it together. I did, and Im sure others have and will, possibly again.
Truth in the matter is every single one person on the face of this earth is worthy of love, happiness, success, euphoria, etc etc etc. unfortunately, we sometimes never accept that til another holds us in that regard, while we need to hold ourselves in that summit of self worth at the onset, for our love and happiness with another resides in our love and happiness with ourselves. JMO
deleted_user
deleted_user
tossedaside (#13), is right on it! Everyone else too. YOU have to respect yourself, make boundaries - for yourself and anyone you are with, if they are crossed, there's a red flag for you! Allowing yourself to be placed "literally" in the middle of him and the barfly, is ridiculous! Let them find their own ride. You don't need to save anyone, just yourself.
Maybe you were drawn to each other because you both felt the betrayal and pain of your cheating spouses. But, you need to "heal" your heart and your soul. Be kind to yourself, you are not a whore, just hurt and lonely. But, you need to realize that. Ask yourself, would he do ANY of that for you? If the shoe was on the other foot? Ha! Probably not. He is already disrespecting you and you are accepting it. Please walk away. You don't deserve to be hurt any more, or again! Be strong and focus on what makes you happy. What is it that HE is doing that is really making you happy and want him so much?
only2bestrong
only2bestrong
If he would of given me the chance I would of loved to have a relationship with him but everytime it started to feel like a relationship he would back off and tell me he wasnt ready and didnt know if he ever would be this being said like 2 weeks prior to him meeting her at the bar. They both said they were in love the first night. If I have it right they met around Nov 20 but he came to my house after that and we had sex but he denies.