No I say I cannot afford an apt. I won't be making much. We are to try separation not divorce yet, but I'm sure that is imminent. He wants to draw up a separation agreement...or shall I say have ME draw it up and do all the leg work b/c he's lazy. F him..he did this he can draw it up..we are both stubborn and this is why we live in limbo. This is why I don't go anywhere on the weekends b/c I want to make his life miserable so he can't be out with her and then won't have to give me an excuse as to where he is going. They find ways obviously like before, during, and after work. Whatever. The lawyer said not to leave but if it can't be sold is he responsible to pay..both our names are on it? I think he would just to avoid default...but then again, maybe he thinks b/c he pays for all the bills and everything..that I should move. I feel I've been inconvenienced enough by his actions and I don't want to go anywhere.

Whatever you do, dont sign ANYTHING without the express consent and involvement of a good attorney.

I say this kindly llmt...I know you are in a terrible position, but being stubborn to the point where you refuse to leave your house on the weekends is only hurting...you. I know this sounds mean, and believe me I dont want to come across that way...but if you could turn just a fraction of that determination inward, toward looking ahead for YOUR future maybe that would help?

This guy is obviously an ass, you cant make an ass miserable...he is going to do what he wants with our without your consent.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I really do wish you the best.

oops...i meant with OR without your consent

Your feelings and the advice given here pretty much coincide L, he's the one who should leave.

Technically he should move. I had to sell my house because none of us could afford it alone. My cousin was ruled they have to rotate. The kids stayed and the parent had to move in and out depending on whos parenting time it was. (that is just insane if you ask me). If I were you I would stay til the judge orders something, like selling it, or whatever.

I was explicitly advised by my attorney to not leave the house.

My situation is different from yours (I am the primary breadwinner and she is the cheater), but I think that advice is still good.

If you husband had any sense of honor or shame, he'd leave the house to you and your kids. I would not go anywhere if I were you.

If you guys are planning a separation, have you considered selling the house? You could use any money made in that transaction towards a new place.

You should also consider that any divorce will likely end up with him paying child support and alimony (at the very least, reparative alimony until you get on your feet.....I can assure you he just doesn't walk away). I'm sure there are better legal eagles here than myself, but speaking from my situation, I can tell you he'll have to pay.

@Redphish: What they are doing with your cousin is called "nesting", where the two parents kind of hover around the family home and the kids stay in the house. Sounds great, but it's costly. My STBX tried to put that crap past me last week.

Well Duh?

oopps I just saw the title to your question, the answer is you, of course.

You should consult a lawyer about the legal financial consequences.

This is what I know:
1) Your husband refuses to leave.
2) Your husband is emotionally abusive.
3) You cannot afford to stay in the home with your income alone.

It sucks, but I think you should move out. I understand you cannot afford an apartment at the moment, but you should consult a lawyer about getting temporary spousal and child support until the divorce is final.

Have you consulted a women's help center? What about government aid?

To me your mental, emotional, and physical health are essential to providing those children with the support and care they need. I understand you don't have friends and family around to help you, but there are others who care about your well being. If you attend religious services, have you talked to your clergy about any help they may be able to provide? I know Catholic Charities will help anyone in need regardless of faith practice.

Why do I think you should move? Because your husband is a certified asshole with lacking morality. He has proven this by his actions. Why trust that he would do the honorable thing now?

Stay put and get your lawyer on it immediately. He shouldn't be able to treat you the way he has and get away with not taking care of you and his kids both. If he doesn't want to take care of his family, he shouldn't have had one and he definitely should have thought of all the consequences before he hooked up with the ho.

Hmmmm, to find a "happy" medium. Okay Are you asking to stay in the house forever and to make him continue to pay for it with nothing in return forever?

I would think that as you were not in the work force there would be a small period of time for adjustment. Obviously he should be the one to move out as he is the one who strayed and thus does not wish to be married anymore BUT. That means a tightening of the belt. You find a compromise. There should be a time for spousal support just until you can get fully on your feet. Then there is also a certain amount that should be given to support the children. Now with those to points being placed into the house as well as your own income from your new job one would hope that would be enough for the mortgage and stuff at least just until it can be sold and then if any profit from the sell (which I recommend not selling it until you can get a minimum specified profit from the sell to help you buy another place that you can afford all on your own). I would think this would be the most acceptable for both parties. UNLESS he wants to stay in the house and so then he can buy you out in which you make the terms of your half of the sell enough to get you into another place that you can still afford all on your own with the help of course with his child support.

I hope that all made sense. Its been a day and a half for me

STAY... get a GOOD lawyer. Don't waste time and settle your situation as soon as you can. The whole scenerio is just not healthy for everyone.... especially the boys!

Why doesn't he move in with his OW? It would be the decent thing to do!