Thinking back from the start of my marriage i realised that i was subjected to verbal abuse from the beginning. It effected every aspect of my life, my confidence, self respect, self worth and even my thoughts on sex. Ive never felt worthy of my husband and even though he would take me on trips, buy me nice things and do other things to "build me up" it didnt matter because in the next breath he would put me down in some way or come home drunk yelling and screaming. I even denid myself children because i was afraid of the way he was. Im 36 years old and this past year has been the most difficult, my mother had cancer, i lived in a different country and worked from home and had no real friends and only hung out with his co workers. I felt totally abandoned  by my husband because it was obvious he was starting a new life without me. He even told me he was too good for me and he had moved beyond me. He criticized everything i did and no matter how much i changed it was never enough. Now after i left him and moved back home i am facing depression, anxiety and nightmares. I am in theapy and i do work. But sleep is a distant memory and i dont take care of myself. Im filled with anger and hopelessness and i pray ever night that this pain will go away. I know it will take time but i hope there is some hope at the end of the tunnel. Sorry for the rant, i needed to get some stuff off my chest.