I started making lists of what I needed to do, and then I planned some extracurricular activities that I forced myself to do.

Almost like a school schedule, but not quite

You make decisions and executing instead of staying status quo.

Yes. And I don't like that feeling very much, because the only times I really ever experienced it is because of marital strife. Go figure.

I get back on track by doing a couple of things:

1.) I just about make myself go to the gym at least 5 days a week. For me, I noticed that when I don't work something physical into my day, I'm a bigger mess than usual. When I'm exercising regularly, all is good. When I'm not, I've been an emo mess. There has been no in-between for me.

2.) Checklists and daily planners. I keep a daily checklist in a planner. When I feel lost on a particular day, I make a list. What shit do I HAVE to do today? I look at the list and do those things that absolutely need to be done that day. I don't care about the rest; usually, it can wait or it can take care of itself. When I do something that's not on the list, I write it on the list and then cross it off right away to give me a feeling of accomplishment. I realize how silly that sounds, btw, but it works for me.

I think the feeling of making a list, and crossing stuff off gives a feeling of accomplishment that feeds on itself.

Either that, or I'm just weird.

Good advice. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of everything in my life and start new. I mean everything. My new life would be much more simple. I really don't need much to be happy.

well, sometimes just letting myself be on auto pilot is okay.

I am not trying to change too much too quickly. I try to get outside and just breathe.

I have been thinking about signing up for a wine class or something that I have never done before.

Hugs.

Well Rman,
I wish I knew more details, so that I could even attempt to answer your question.
You are a mystery to me.
But as far as your question goes:
I, too, have passed through a period where nothing much mattered to me as well. Nothing seemed to bring any happiness or have any merit.
I sought therapy, and discovered or shall I say re-discovered things about myself which were noteworthy. Even tho, they were not foremost on my mind, there were, nonetheless there.
I re-discovered that I was kind, supportive, and had the gift of encouragement. Even tho I lost my job, as a teacher, where I was most able to use my gift of encouragement, I also knew that I was able to encourage adults in my life. So I'd like to reach out to you, and let you know....

You are funny as all hell, probably one of the funniest here at DS,
You have taken our mind off of our shit, and been able to redirect us to stuff, even if it was kinda mindless stuff....
it worked.
I know you are a sweet, discreet person, but if you should want to reach out to me, please email me, and I would love to pick your mind, and reach out to you, in turn.

Sometimes, people are talkers, and that helps. Sometimes people journal, and that helps. But when your family and true friends don't know how badly you're hurting, they simply don't know.....and they aren't capable of reaching out.

Sometimes we don't want to talk to anyone about anything. We shut down. We don't take phone calls. We don't go out. We just "cocoon ourselves in our homes" as much as possible. I was there, and I'm slowly getting out of my "cocoon". It's the only place I knew, as I felt it was a safe place.
It was all I could do, for that time, and it seemed to work for a while.
But now, I'm risking talking with others, letting them help me, and I'll tell ya, it's a huge relief! So that's my recommendation to you....please reach out to a few, even if it's very risky business. We cannot do this ourselves when we are stuck in the mire and the clay. The clay holds us fast, and it's not good.
Please email me, so we can talk. I know that you would prefer to not post too much. That part, I do know of you, and that's just fine. Not everyone blabs their story, so easily.
Hope to hear from you, so that I might use my gift of "encouragement" towards you.
We love ya man!!!!

I like the list ideas. Perhaps I should get a white board and nail it to the wall by my bed...

That was very kind of you to say blondegal...I really appreciate it...
And I appreciate the support and advice I get from all the people on DS. I always know that when all joking is aside, I can always count on support from people here...

I understand Rman...but, now, you have the best two things that are simple to love, cherish and live for....your little girls and I know that they are something that you wouldn't change. Please consider counseling and consider what is the healthy decision to make. You are going to lose your health going this way.

I was on 'automatic pilot' in the beginning--only doing what absolutely had to be done. It was a good day if I got out of bed and showered. Then, I began making plans with friends and relatives for different things.

Now, I just kind of enjoy the lack of stress of doing what I want to do when I want to do it--or nothing at all. My ex was a controlling perfectionist (and long as I was the one who was seeing that things were perfect). It's amazing all the things I used to stress over that were simply 'busy work.'

Rman,
Good suggestions so far.
May I add?
I notice when I go out and walk my dogs, I feel a hellofalot better.
When I prepare a special meal just for myself, I feel better.
Any exercise is good, no matter how slight it is.
Journalling, and writing poetry helped me a lot.
This site, opening up, has helped tremendously.
I like to paint, haven't pulled out the brushes yet, but got tons of blank canvases just waiting for me.
Sitting outside, in the sunlight really helps my mood, plus gives me a little vitamin D, we all need.
Want to get to a comedy club, and just laugh my ass off. Or maybe rent a good movie, and cry, or something mindless just to laugh at silliness.
Right now, I'm organizing my basement, and trying to get together a garage sale. thought I oculd do it in 2 days, wrong!! But am continuing to force myself to go through boxes, and purge myself of stuff. Stuff, I didn't even remember I had, nor do I need or want. To me that makes me feel lighter. The same is true in the rest of the house. I feel more depressed and anxious when my house is totally disorganzied.
Reading has helped me a lot and writing.
Review what it is ....
that used to bring a spark to your life and make a damned appt. with yourself to do it.
Damn it, just do it.
Be it going to a museum, lake, vacation, walk, forest, swim, kayak, read, hike, comedy shows, fun videos, films, etc.

Just make a huge fricken list of stuff ya liked before, and haven't done.

Then like someone said, write up that list, designate days, and do some of them. Ya start to feel like a person. Ya start to feel worthy...ya start to live, and breathe, and all that slowly helps your psyche.

Ya gotta be like your own "dad" and plan for your son, you, and take care of that inner child that got lost, and got devastated.
Go out for an ice-cream cone, hit a carnival, play pool, get in a pool, just do little simple fun things, and you will slowly come around.

Holy crap! That's a lot of stuff to do blondegal...I'm gettin' tired just reading all that stuff to do...but it's good advice.
Sometimes it's just doing the simple things in life that make you feel better. I think I'll take my daughters to a new park or something this weekend. Maybe we can have a picnic. I'm gonna order from Subway, though cause I don't feel like cooking...

My personal struggle with life on right turns only.

So I'm driving this vehicle called life and I'm driving through the countryside - enjoying the scenery, top down, radio blasting, my only care is finding some out-of-the-way diner and grabbing a bite to eat.

Suddenly, out of nowhere it starts to rain, i'm getting soaked, I can't see ahead of me. And then, as if startled out of a dream, I find that I am driving in a gray city, overcast skies, no reception on the radio to bring me some enjoyment. The road turns to the right at a corner, I turn, and it is as if I am on the same street i just turned off of. The scenery hasn't changed, same buildings, same gray sky, still no reception.

It occurs to me that I do not even know where I am going, but there is a turn up ahead. It's about time, this has been one long block that I just drove down. The turn comes, it's a right hand turn again, i take it, and I begin to deaden my senses. It is the same street I just turned off of.

This goes on and on and on, why the hell can't i turn left!!! I want to find an escape from this, but there is none. The road goes on forever and is nothing but right hand turns that only brings more of same. I start questioning my life, my past, my present and my future. And then i start questioning my sanity. I have lost my drive in the sunshine and i am forever resigned to this miserable fate of always having to repeat where I have been.

Finally, I decided I had enough. I stopped the car and got out. Took a long look down the road ahead of me, "Not going to go that way again", I thought to myself. So I started walking back the way I had come, it began to rain again, but I didn't stop walking. The rain soaked me to the bone and became a sheet of water ahead of me. Having nothing to lose, I walked though it and was suddenly blinded by an intense light. Shielding my eyes from the light at first and then, slowly opening them up to see that i was back in the countryside. Hills, trees, blue skies and sunshine. There is that diner i was looking for....think I'll get a bite, I'm starving

wow

I feel as though my inner person wrote this. I always expected my inner person to be a man. I knew it.

Seriously, JustMe that was times right for where I am in my life right now. I feel I should catch my breath because you have just knocked me to the floor and not many people can get away with doing that.