Control is overrated to be sure. I have never forced my self to be or stressed out about being organized, on time, etc and yet it all seems to be, well, okay. It doesn't sit well with those who are, like how my ex was...but you have to do what is right for you.I'm not advocated the abdication of responsibilities or being a complete flake, I'm just saying...what's the point of "striving" to control anything. You take it a day at a time, a thing at a time and before you know it you got your mojo workin. Too much emphasis on the "doing"....need more on just "being".

Rman, I had to do a double take and realize that you were taking a moment to remove your screen and express your true feelings.

I agree wtih Soon that you should take time to itemize. itemize the people, things and your goals. It's okay to be selfish and tend to your fortress. Sometimes this means putting space between you and the things and people who are not assisting you in your pursuit to move forward or to heal yourself....You are trying to help yourself right? You know there's a cause and effect, right? You know if you don't take your birth control you can get pregnant right? sometimes we get tired of doing all of the things we HAVE to do and some of us rebell by neglecting important things like taking our meds. Or if you're like me you just stop shaving your legs just for the Hell of it.

Excellent post Justme, that made me think. I think it will help Rman as well.

Yes Rman,
A picnic with the girls is exactly what Dr. Blondegal recommends. It'll be fun, while the weather lasts! And if it should rain, who the hell cares?

Get out in the rain, jump, dance, play tag, just go with the flow! And don't forget the ice cream. Kids love it, and so will you!

*taking my meds now....focking Jac*

just a little reminder...

you have to stand back and take a good look at it and throw the crap out that just isn't working for you. it isn't that hard but it is necessary if you ever want to have peace of mind again.

who needs stress? stress is for losers.

Yes- What I have done and continue to do is just make lists(short) so they are not overwhelming, of things that I need to do. I do try to take babysteps, and bigger steps when I feel better about doing so. I decided to just concentrate on the basics and fill things in when I am ready. I hated the feeling of being on auto-pilot and decided I was not going to be there. If I go back there on some days, it is because I give myself permission to do so, without guilt. I learned that beating myself up, is not a productive choice. I forced myself to get back to the things I thought I could not do. I try to conquer those things in a small way every day. When I know it is to much, I give myself a break. When I do, it is a huge accomplishment and I am so proud. ONE SECOND, ONE MOMENT, ONE HOUR, ONE DAY, ONE BREATH, ONE STEP at a time. ((((HUGE HUGS)))) to you.

Shoot, I just got back from a long day at school, and I'm thinking of all the millions of things that I Need to get done, and I'm just tired. Totally worn out.

I'm glad that I studied so much before the semester started, because I really don't feel like doing it now.

I'm going to nap, and then tackle the assignments that I Have to get done by next Tue. I have the kids this weekend and can't always get much done with them here.

This program is Intense. I keep hearing that it's one of the toughest but best around. Even though it's a community college the nurses that graduate are more in demand than the local colleges.

Somehow, somehow I keep managing to get all the work done. I would never have had the guts to start if I had known how hard it was. Sigh. Help!!! Sigh.

Dude!
YOU NEVER WERE IN CONTROL!
Life is eaiseir to live that way.
Go buy that big screen tv.

thank gawd for auto-pilot is all I have to say, because any day it beats falling down and not getting back up again

you will get feeling back in your extremities again

time Grasshopper...time....

Rman, I'm in the same boat. Today is a BAD day for me. I am still discovering things about my husband and though I know everyone here would tell me to stop looking, I can't and I won't. I have to do it. But, it also means going through more pain. And more pain means everything else feels more out of control. I have 4 kids here and, though I love them more than anything, I am going crazy without a partner to share the responsibility. He used to be my relief on a bad day, or my reinforcement when I needed it, or the person who could get through to the kids when I couldn't. There are days where my mind is so busy and my heart hurts so much that I can't seem to do much of anything, the kids make me want to literally put my head through a wall, and it's all I can do not to get in my van and drive away. I hope we can both take some of these suggestions and feel more in control, at least some days. And maybe some day it won't be so damn hard.

(((HUGS))) to you

rman...i know what youre sayin here. i have a hard time keeping it together too. but what we have to do is focus on one thing at a time and worry about what we are doing at that exact moment. if we can focus on one task at a time it can turn mountains into anthills...we can do it man, we can!

Dude this is just the edge of the abyss. Wait till it is over .

beautiful perfect blackness GHSC