Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My ex and myself haven't been together in several months after an 11 year marriage. She left me in 2019, came back 6 months later because of the man she left me for. Unbeknown to me she stayed in contact with him while we were trying to "reconcile". I filed for divorce in August of 2021 because I was done with her crap.
Now fast forward to today. Me and my ex are still friends because of our daughters and I feel like I've healed from the hurt. I just recently met a girl who is super cool and we hit it off. The more I got to know her I could see myself with her. She got attached but then I left leaving her feeling like a piece of trash. That was never my intention but I can already tell I can find a woman and make her like me but I can't commit. I feel horrible because I'm not that guy but the more I think about it my sub conscious says I am. I hate breaking hearts. I don't know what's up.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
Is this the same complaint your soon to be ex-wife says about you? Did she feel like a piece of trash by your behaviors? I am just trying to suss out what is real here or just what someone is labeling this situation.
First of all, if you met this new woman after your August 2021 filing of divorce, then you have not been dating or whatever with this new woman for long. This would be about the time one sees the real person for who they really are. Like them or don't like them. The shine has worn off. This is how dating or whatever is supposed to work. Committing in this short of time would be fantasy or fallacy if you want my opinion. Too soon. Not knowing what you said or did to her that made her feel like a piece of trash, I just wanted to say perhaps you are too hard on yourself. Dating about 6 months or so is the time to decide yes or no on someone and it is way way way too early to make any kind of commitment. Dating about 18 months to 24 months is when people really know the person and have been through happy times and stressful times with them. This is when one can move forward in commitment. Additionally, you have kids. Those kids are supposed to be your commitment at this time. They don't need a new chick in the house and then out of the house and then another one, and another one, etc. Focus on healing yourself and helping your daughters navigate these changes and turmoil within their family unit. Help daughters navigate the "new normal" as it has been a lot of change for them. Ups and downs and who can they count on for them. Take time to be single and get to understand yourself without the guilt and shame and negative labels you put on yourself. If you are a man of low character, then fix that if you desire. Or accept it and don't let women fall in love with you. Stop making women like you and then turning into Mr. Awful from Hades. Figure out why you do this, are you a "user"? Learn that this all lies within how you feel about yourself and start to find ways to heal and value yourself. It is really about ourselves not valuing ourselves. It is not about big ego. I wish you the best.
You were with your ex wife a long time, and now is the time to find yourself and who you are as a person, today. You have changed and grown since you first met her.
As far as dating, I think it's fine to date different women, to see who it is you like (what you liked in your 20's is different than what you are looking for now), but I would suggest not getting serious with anyone yet. I understand you might have feelings of loneliness possibly, or even "wanting to get back at your ex", but I think the best thing is to date casually, not get serious with anyone, and take the time to continue to heal yourself.
You say you are over it, but I don't think that is possible, this soon. It does take some time. You wouldn't want to get into a similar situation, but with a different woman. We all need time to work on ourselves, be alone and okay with it, after such a long term relationship.
Are you in any kind of therapy? That could be helpful.
Best wishes to you.