Hi and welcome! Sorry to hear this. Can we get a little more info so that we can try to help?

How old are you two?
How long are you married?
Any kids?

What is his reasoning for wanting a divorce???

I’m 59; he’s 60. We have two grown daughters. We’re married 28.5 years. He hasn’t given me a specific reason for wanting a divorce. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me more. There’s a lot I can speculate. I had an emotional breakdown a year ago. That probably played into it a lot. It’s been a very rough year. Thank you for responding.

Hugs. He checked out a long time before he moved out. He is using what he said as an excuse. First, be gentle with yourself. You were blindsided. Second get a lawyer and a financial advisor lined up. Good that you already have a therapist. Get as much financial information as you can. Take your name off any credit cards that are joint and freeze any line of credit that are in both names. Get your own bank account started. It is hard, but you can do it.

Thanks for the response. How do I start to accept my new reality though? Has anyone been through a divorce and struggled with it? Thanks again.

I'm so sorry you are going through this! As @Atpeacemary said, keep going to therapy. Get a divorce attorney because you will be entitled to maybe half of the finances, including the house, depending on how your state works,

Yes, so many people have gone through divorces and struggled with them. If you look at the top of this page, and click on the words "Breakups & Divorce Support Group", it will take you to lots of posts on here from people going through the same situation.

So sorry you are dealing with this. You are going to get through it. You are already going through it. It will get easier, it will get better.

Thanks.

It does get better, way better. I was 57 when I threw in the towel 13 years ago. One day at a time and hang on for the emotional rollercoaster ride of a lifetime. I struggled big time. Barely eating and sleeping. I survived and flourished with a vengeance too. Today, I am at peace with life and myself. Proud owner of a nice huge condo too. Beautiful view of Lake Ontario. You will get there too. One thing, if and when you see him, smile turn around and walk away. That will rile them up more than anything you can say or do. Please be gentle with yourself. Hugs

Also, try writing out your feelings in a journal. Getting the feelings out, can help you get through this a bit faster. And, if you have any friends or family you can chat with. Keep up communication with people you know.

I also used to read books about break ups, and that helped me get through mine.

You are going to be okay! We're here for you.

I have been through a divorce and I struggled. Counseling was the best tool I had available, and I always highly recommend it to others. You are doing the right thing by pursuing that. It helped me be able to process my emotions more clearly and focus on working on myself. Keep up the good, hard work and it will get easier. I am very sorry that you are so sad.

Thanks for the support. This is the toughest thing I’ve experienced in my adult life.

I am so sorry for your situation- I can definitely relate! I just joined this group yesterday as well- and I too am trying to deal with a spouse who wants a separation or divorce-and I do not! It doesn’t need to happen- but apparently- my feelings/needs don’t matter- it’s just her’s! I too am struggling badly with it- I’m trying hard, hoping that joining this group and hearing about how others are dealing can help. I am happy to listen to you anytime you want to talk! I think strength can come in supporting others- and just helping get through tough times- and knowing you have someone to count on who can understand. Feel free to reach out anytime; and hang in there. I’m not sure when- or exactly how- but I do have hope it will get better- talking about it- and being supported can help! Take care, and stay safe!

It’s so frustrating that, like you say, I have no say in the divorce moving forward, even though I don’t want it.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I was blindsided 2 years ago. He had left me. Said he just wanted something different in life. We had a new life with grandchildren that I loved having around. Guess he didn’t. He gave me all kinds of excuses but in the end he had been cheating on me with a women online 2 states away and that is why is was leaving, to move on with her. They were married only a few months after he left.
I understand completely what you are going through. It’s been 2 years and I still struggle. He was the one that financially supported us. I am 60 and I work 7 days a week. And still not enough. It’s tuff. To know he’s out there enjoying his life but even had bad as things are for me and I do miss him. Or at least the person I thought he was. AND this was our 2nd marriage together. We were married before and he cheated. Divorced for 7 years and I never stopped loving him. So when he came back I new he was the one. But in the end, he didn’t feel the same ...again. I
Just keep going through counseling, which now I can’t afford it. I did and it helped me a lot. I feel like I’m going backwards because I don’t have my counselor. So keep going. Read self help books and I watched a lot of YouTube videos to help understand narcissist, , divorce, One thing I Struggle with is that, it’s him not me. They seem to have a way of making you feel that you are unlovable, and it was all your fault. I have to keep telling myself it wasn’t my fault. It’s who he is.
You can reach out to me anytime. I think as we get
Older it’s even harder than when we were younger. Hang in there. You’ll get through it with the help of this group. ❤️

I am sorry things are so rough for you. I would say you have to drag yourself out of the bed and get out of the house. This should help with feeling so down. I know this isn't what you wanted, but the reality is he has moved on. You have to keep telling yourself that it is not you, it was him. Try to think about some things that you like to do that could keep you busy. Maybe start going to some of the workout group classes to be around other people, hang out with a close friend or family member, or get more involved with your church once this COVID19 clears up. Just take baby steps each day. I went through the grieving stage of no appetite and staying in bed, not really talking to family/friends stage, and the crying stage before I even filed for divorce due to infidelity after being together 18 years and married almost 14.

Thanks for the input.