Today has been incerdibly tough. After the stunt she pulled last night I got almost no sleep, had to get up at 5 to go to work, got off at 11am and came home to babysit 6 kids (4 are mine). I really thought I was going to be able to hang on to the anger a lot longer than I did. When she got home I couldnt stand to talk to her but after she came in the bedroom to get her night clothes and left again, to go to her bedroom downstairs, I couldnt help myself. I texted her and let her know how I felt about what she did and has been doing. I told her she was being cruel and I felt like I have been thrown in the garbage in favor of someone new. She said sorry and that we would talk today. She came upstairs this morning before I left for work and said that she was sorry, and that time just got away from her. I dont buy it for a second but what can I do. I wanted to be angry but all I could do is sit on the edge of the bed with tears drippng on the floor. I never spoke a word until I stood up to leave and told her that I hoped she has a good day. She asked if she could give me a hug and it felt so nice and warm and sincere, just to hold her close. My therapist said I need to try not to "microanalize" but when I get to hold her and it feels like that I cant help but be hopeful that theres still something there. She came home for lunch today to take my son shoe shopping witch just brought back more pain. There are just constant reminders of things that we used to do together as a couple or a family that Im going to be losing.
Im so thankfull to have this outlet to vent. I dont have anyone else I can talk to about this. Thank you all for you support, it great to have people who understand.