Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Today has been incerdibly tough. After the stunt she pulled last night I got almost no sleep, had to get up at 5 to go to work, got off at 11am and came home to babysit 6 kids (4 are mine). I really thought I was going to be able to hang on to the anger a lot longer than I did. When she got home I couldnt stand to talk to her but after she came in the bedroom to get her night clothes and left again, to go to her bedroom downstairs, I couldnt help myself. I texted her and let her know how I felt about what she did and has been doing. I told her she was being cruel and I felt like I have been thrown in the garbage in favor of someone new. She said sorry and that we would talk today. She came upstairs this morning before I left for work and said that she was sorry, and that time just got away from her. I dont buy it for a second but what can I do. I wanted to be angry but all I could do is sit on the edge of the bed with tears drippng on the floor. I never spoke a word until I stood up to leave and told her that I hoped she has a good day. She asked if she could give me a hug and it felt so nice and warm and sincere, just to hold her close. My therapist said I need to try not to "microanalize" but when I get to hold her and it feels like that I cant help but be hopeful that theres still something there. She came home for lunch today to take my son shoe shopping witch just brought back more pain. There are just constant reminders of things that we used to do together as a couple or a family that Im going to be losing.
Im so thankfull to have this outlet to vent. I dont have anyone else I can talk to about this. Thank you all for you support, it great to have people who understand.
cared. Ours had been ongoing on for awhile with Him acting
out more and more. We still were intimate Only more like friends
with benfits. Thats What my therapist said thats all you will have
with that Man if you stay. He treated me as i was no longer equal
partner In the relationship.
Somewhere he got way off course as He was checking out.
I should have left him then because he Started getting nasty.
I thought He would move thru his problems and come around.
I was very wrong he went underground instead that was in 2003.
His cheating brought on a very unsavoryPersonna. It got real
bad, crazy making and bizarre. He knew What he was doing
was wrong. He was in his affair fog, They are In a bubble and
nothing else matters, i think its called pink cloud.
You can not change or fix her only yourself, i almost gave Myself
a breakdown trying still in trauma so try to keep that in Mind. Keep
up with therapy especially going it alone. MC is not for the unrepentant
Or unremorseful it does not do much good except you get their spin
On their reality not the honest part about their cheating as the answer.
HUGS
Get a divorce going faster.
disconnect from her, she's treating you like shit.
NO physical contact.
I just want all of us to let go of the hurt.
A simple wish.
My ex thought the house was his. The judge thought differently. It cost him 25K from the settlement to replace my property he removed without a legal right.
You deserve more than this.
I spend 17 months in deep despair worrying about the wellbeing of my ex who had a four year affair and ended our 14 year marriage. My friends and family were incredibly patient with me... As I put myself second, worried about him, and somehow. Oils not be angry or indignant at the way I was treated. I look back and I shake my head.
Over 2 years out and I can't believe I didn't demand more respect from him during our marriage..
Courage to you!
You may want to check out chumplady.com. Certainly helped me get some perspective.
If you CAN'T (different than 'don't want to'), there needs to be clear physical, emotional, and social boundaries: yes, separate bedrooms and storage. Get 100% of her things out of your bedroom and daily space. Shared spaces don't need to be used at shared times. Physical separation is necessary. The longer you co-mingle everything, the worse you will feel.
I don't know your whole story, but from what I've gleened in this and other posts, she cheated, is still cheating, is txting him all the time, is keeping you "on the hook" with all her "right now...'s." (on that note, watch the episode of How I Met Your Mother called Hooked! Seriously!) She's stringing you along to keep HER options open, not out of respect for your feelings. As another poster said, she gets a thrill that multiple men want her, how great for HER! That is not how a loving partner treats someone. Never make someone your priority that treats you like an option. Chumplady.com is wonderful, read everything on it, twice. Here are some good articles: https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/2013/08/14/why-you-should-leave-a-cheater/
http://www.chumplady.com/2012/07/five-things-that-keep-you-stuck-with-a-cheater/
Keep conversations to bare minimum, meaning about the kids only.
Your attorneys can and will handle all of the other stuff, communicate that stuff through them.
Don't participate in activities with her, don't play house. The more you do that, the more you send the message that you accept her continuing affair.
Keep your therapy for you only. Couples counseling doesn't work when the other party is still txting their AP (affair partner) 24/7.
You owe her nothing. She cheated, she broke the contract between the 2 of you. The most important thing now is to take care of yourself and your kids, and showing the kids that you respect yourself enough not to be her doormat is of utmost importance. Yes it is tough trying to detach, but it is much worse staying attached and letting her pull your strings. ((HUGS))