Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I know I shouldn't even look, but I saw on my STBX's Facebook page a plea to his mistress (she's 20, he's 33, and she dumped him on his birthday late August after I got hold of her # and texted pics of our kids and called her a homewrecker) that he "loved" her and that night "in the hotel" a few days (!) ago was the best night he had had and that a part of his heart will be gone for good now that she made her decision to return to her ex. I know I've brought up reconciling with him on this site, and realize I must have ZERO self respect to contemplate it, but knowing he posted this 4 days ago is keeping me up tonight. I wrote him a love letter, opened my heart to him, and he occasionally texts that he's "never been more serious" about getting back together. He's not said anything about how he feels about ME, the mother of his children, the woman by his side for 12 1/2 years. When he tried to reconcile (no - it didn't happen), it played out so horrendously and he was so vulgar ("I'll come over on break and we'll fuck"), that I snapped out of it. I guess I just don't get it. He met her at the beginning of August, they only saw each other on a physical basis, but he's still holding out hope that she'll come back to him and that he has feelings for HER. WTF!!! He quipped to me that when I get to 135 lbs, call him. What a douche! I'm 200 lbs right now, and feel it's a big part of why he left. I'm just so fucking jealous of this younger, thinner woman. It's royally retarded, it's completely off-point of what's wrong between us, but I can't take my mind off it. It inspires this cycle of self-loathing, adds that much more emptiness to the fact that he obviously didn't really love me to do this. I was losing some weight, but quickly plateaud, and feel men won't give me a chance as a single, 35 year old mother who's also heavy. I'm stuck here most nights watching the kids and wonder HOW I'll meet someone. I know I'm being pathetic, but you're all good at kicking my ass and making me see how delusional I'm being. Thanx for listening!
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
Just remember and yes its going to hurt but a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. They will always be a cheater.
My ex cheated on me with a 20 year old volunteer EMT from the volunteer company he got paid by. ( he was 31 ) She was thin at one point in time. A year later not so much. I was 185 pounds and that is very big on me. I had gotten up to a size 20.
A year later I am down to 144 pounds. I was down to 140 but gained a few pounds back recently. Went from a size 20 to a size 10. Does he want me back? I could careless. I look better then the once upon a time mistress who is now his girlfriend.
Healing takes time. Work on you. Learn to love you. This man didnt make you a priority he made you an option and you deserve better then that.
If you dont like the way you look change for you and only you. Don't do it for someone else or to attract someone else. Because then all the work you put into making a new you isnt going to last.
Plenty of men in the world would love you for who you are and aren't attracted to skinny women.
Not all men like skinny twig women. Curves are good too.
You aren't alone. Before I met my stbx I was in the best shape of my life. I have had trouble with weight my whole life, but I really was doing great, and looked great. Well, 8 years later- I had gained 70 pounds while we were together. (SO DID HE). At the beginning of this year, he started working out, going to a trainer, taking care of himself. I was more slow to start. He lost 40 pounds, and then last month, told me that he never was "in love" with me for our whole 8 year relationship, and wanted a divorce. Please do not beat yourself up about your weight. The day after he told me, I started working out. It was either, drink, eat, or exercise. I want to feel good about myself. So its been over a month, I don't see much difference in my weight, but I feel better mentally. If you want to do it, do it for you. And if you don't, then know that you aren't a number on a scale and that number does not reveal the goodness of you. You just have to love yourself for who you are inside. I struggle with this every day. But you are the good person, not him. I hope you find strength in this, and hope that you find the person that you truly deserve. One that loves you for you, not for what you look like.
Anyway, I'm pretty fit, but that means my boobs...Let's say they don't float- they look the same on dry land as they do in the water;) He always said, that he can't bear overweight people ( he was a small, skinny man with a hight complex- off went my high hills;). The girl he was pestering- I don't think she actually let him do anything- was on a heavy side, which apparently paid off on a bosom side;).
What I'm trying to say is that it completely doesn't matter how you look like- if he wants to leave, he'll always find an excuse and more often it will be a painful one. Just forget his hurtful comments- as long as you're happy in your own skin, that's all that matters.
"He thinks he can be a UFC fighter (at 33!) and is scheduled to go up against the local heavy weight champ as his first fight. Talk about lack of sound judgement! As I've fantisized about beating the crap out of him, I guess now I'll see it played out in real life! ;) "
Sounds like your STBX is acting like a teenager... it's best for you and your children to have him out of your lives. Besides being damaging to you, his behavior and attitudes would be damaging to your children and set a bad example for their future relationships.
You're 35, 2 kids, educated.... you will find someone. They might be goofballs, but finding dates shouldn't be that big an issue.
SNAP OUT OF IT! ENOUGH WITH ABUSING YOURSELF! YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER THAN THIS!
He needs the attention of other women to feel good about himself. All this crap is on him. What he said about your weight is just an excuse. He knows you are not going to drop all that weight over night and honestly babe....I think if you got rid of his sorry ass you would probably drop the weight without trying. That's what happened to me. I was doing a lot of emotional eating. Now that I have divorced and maintain as little contact as necessary I maintain a healthy weight without diet or even exercise and I exercised 3/4th of my married life (married 22 years). So cut it out girl. Your chasing after something that is not worth the heartache. There are plenty of good men out there who want the type of woman you are. I like what one of the first replies said...write yourself a love letter. If you can't love and respect yourself no one else will. (((HUGS)))
Disclaimer: The above was written with love