Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well after nearly a month of living with my ex (in another bedroom in the house) today is the day I am finally moving out. I woke up and can't handle my emotions. I have gone through so many emotions the last few weeks. I have felt free from him when I see him for umpteenth day in a row pouring himself a whisky, or when I wake up at 2AM to him blasting the TV or milling around doing weird s**t in the middle of the night. I won't miss that. But then there have been times where we have interacted like normal. And I get that shred of hope that he will realize what he is walking away from. My friend said that at this point I should want to leave HIM and that I am basically showing all the signs of an emotionally abused partner who still thinks their partner will change.
I havent been able to find a place that accepts my puppy yet that I can afford so I am moving all of my stuff to a friends house to store while I move home with my parents for a month or so. And my ex for some reason keeps trying to get me to leave stuff here. Keeps suggesting I store my stuff in his garage or leave things if I dont feel like packing them and when I move back to town come pick them up. It feels like he is trying to make sure he still has some connection to me, or at least will know when I move back, which again feels like he doesn't really want me to leave. Since I woke up this morning I havent been able to stop crying. This is the last time I will sleep in this house- the place I called home the last 2 years. I will never walk the dogs on our daily walking route, and likely never see his dog again- the whole reason I fell in love with dogs and decided to get my own. Although there are so many memories of bad drunken fights (on his part), hurtful words exchanged, and messes that I was forced to clean up, all I can remember now is how in love we were when I moved in, how I never saw us breaking up, the little family we created with our fur children, the man who always suggested fun things for us to do and all the adventures we went on and the talks of marriage with the man who is no longer there.
He has been completely emotionless during this whole process. And now that he is no longer my responsibility I stopped cleaning up after him, stopped cooking for him, or buying groceries for him and stopped harping on him about the drinking. The last 2 weeks I have watched him eat fast food for every meal, the house become a mess, drink 2 handles of Costco size bottles of gin and whisky in a week and sit around watching TV and playing computer games. I don't know this person and I know this is not want a want in a partner, but I don't understand why he cannot see what he took for granted. Why would someone choose that life over me. This pain is unbearable.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Cry all you need to cry. You are grieving. Loss is real
You will find other pretty places to walk your puppy. You will make happy memories with other people. You will cherish the memories with this person and time will help you heal. You cant really see it now but there is healthier and better love waiting for you elsewhere. Remember that the most important relationship you have is with yourself: you are brave and you can do it.
Take the other dog if you can. <3 (and let his family know that they need to step up for your ex)
We have a saying that applies to all lives, Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. Please be careful and do your best to move on. I think that's your best option right now.
Your friend is right. Lean on her for support, to talk with.
I've commented on your previous posts. You are doing the right thing. Yes, it's very sad and you will grieve what could have been. But you have seen his true colors and things would never go back to how they were in the beginning. I am very proud of you for getting out of this situation. Stay strong. Don't let him still have contact with you. Your new life is waiting just around the corner and soon you will be feeling so much relief and happiness, which is what you deserve. You got this.
You are merely a means to an end - you are a means to make his alcoholism and other issues less uncomfortable. He doesn't what "you" to stay, he just doesn't want his housekeeper, cook and laundress from leaving.
And take off the rose colored glasses that allow you to only see and remember "the good times". Even the guy who beats the crap out of this partner buys her flowers and trinkets at times.
The time for remembrance is later, much later. When you are firmly on emotional solid ground. Until then, only see him for the selfish, inconsiderate, dishonest, irresponsible, disrespectful, lazy alcoholic man he is.
I had to live with him for a month after we broke up and before I was able to move back to my country. I cried for weeks and like you, was outraged at him choosing a depressing sorry life over the happy one we built together, all the memories and hopes I had hurt so much.
It has been 3 months for me and it does get better. Work on yourself, do all those things that YOU feel like doing. Remove him completely from your life and you will start seeing how much better of you are without him, even if it still hurts sometimes.
Stay strong!
Very glad to hear you are in a better situation and not being emotionally mistreated. You have taken a lot of strength to make that move out.