Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
i just received a phone call from my ex husband who is currently in Afghanistan. He is due to come home in the next few weeks.
He chooses to have little to nothing to do with my son. That is on him, not me, although now that so many years have passed, my child is just kind of like "whatever" although i see the pain of rejection he feels.
So, he just calls and says that he isnt sure about seeing him in time for the holidays. He lives 800 miles away, but we meet halfway for his visitation. My son sees him only once or twice per year..and hasnt seen him since last Christmas. He came home for 2 weeks of leave in July but didnt want to see my son, Jax. Didnt even call ONCE to say that he was home, to see how he was doing, NOTHING>
now here we are at the holidays. My ex tells me to day that his mother wants to see jax and is pushing it, but he is going to 'talk her down off the ledge' because he doesnt feel the need to see his son right now and MAYBE he will decided to see him at spring break time before he is reassigned to another location. he also said that this visitation thing was "about her, (my ex mother in law) and NOT HIM" I think he said it 5 times.
WTF??
He has NEVER BEEN A FATHER TO THIS CHILD. When we divorced, he admitted to this,and I even asked if he just wanted to give up all rights. He refused, although i was granted SOLE custody due to his alcoholism and violence. He does have visitation rights, but they are to be supervised.
I am frustrated, and wish he would just leave us alone. this isnt fair to jax at all. i do all that I can...but I always fear abandonment issues with this poor kid, although he is so well adjusted and happy.
I wish he would just completely walk away if he has no interest and make life easier on all of us. i know that sounds horrible...but he inflicts more pain than anything.
Im sad for my kid that he is treated this way, disgusted that my ex is such an asshole, and frustrated that once again, i am left to pick up the pieces.
UGH
He chooses to have little to nothing to do with my son. That is on him, not me, although now that so many years have passed, my child is just kind of like "whatever" although i see the pain of rejection he feels.
So, he just calls and says that he isnt sure about seeing him in time for the holidays. He lives 800 miles away, but we meet halfway for his visitation. My son sees him only once or twice per year..and hasnt seen him since last Christmas. He came home for 2 weeks of leave in July but didnt want to see my son, Jax. Didnt even call ONCE to say that he was home, to see how he was doing, NOTHING>
now here we are at the holidays. My ex tells me to day that his mother wants to see jax and is pushing it, but he is going to 'talk her down off the ledge' because he doesnt feel the need to see his son right now and MAYBE he will decided to see him at spring break time before he is reassigned to another location. he also said that this visitation thing was "about her, (my ex mother in law) and NOT HIM" I think he said it 5 times.
WTF??
He has NEVER BEEN A FATHER TO THIS CHILD. When we divorced, he admitted to this,and I even asked if he just wanted to give up all rights. He refused, although i was granted SOLE custody due to his alcoholism and violence. He does have visitation rights, but they are to be supervised.
I am frustrated, and wish he would just leave us alone. this isnt fair to jax at all. i do all that I can...but I always fear abandonment issues with this poor kid, although he is so well adjusted and happy.
I wish he would just completely walk away if he has no interest and make life easier on all of us. i know that sounds horrible...but he inflicts more pain than anything.
Im sad for my kid that he is treated this way, disgusted that my ex is such an asshole, and frustrated that once again, i am left to pick up the pieces.
UGH
It really isn't something for you to understand. It is something for you to accept and then address the situation in a way that will protect your son and be as peaceful as possible.
Without ever having met your ex, he may just be an over militarized stimulant popping adrenaline junkie. He probably was way fun in the beginning so you ignored the red flags, but it is obvious he does not have the capability of being the father your son deserves.
It's not personal. It just is.
So, what are you going to do about it?
In regards to your ex, I guess I have a similar view as faithful, it may be genetic (perhaps a mental illness that doesn't have a label), or environment (he didn't have positive role model on how to be a good father, the military lifestyle not making it more difficult to bond/ spend time with him). Or perhaps it is both. But it is what it is... you make due with what you got. At least his mother is interested in pitching in to help, perhaps help him understand the other half of his family.
I don't think you should completely cut your exh out of your son's life, I think you should leave the door open, in case he does one day wake up, and has one of those earth shattering realizations. Miracles can happen. But in the mean time, you need to do what you can, to help minimize some of the confusion and hurt you son has with dealing with an absent father... Protect your son from some of your exh's reckless decisions (violence and alcoholism).Provide a safe environment.
You don't have to abide by visitation rules when dealing with Grandma. Tell Grandma she is welcome to come and see the boy. Leave ex out of it.