I know the pain as I have been through that before and am currently in a relationship I am deeply questioning! You just have to remember we all have free will in the life and if he chooses to separate and be with another woman then that's on him and is not your fault! He is making this choice and you can put the blame on yourself for someone else's actions! Just remember whatever behavior you accept from him he will continue to push and stretch his limits and it will most likely get worse. That has always been my experience and from what I have seen with others as well. Its like they want to see how much they can disrespect you and what you will put up with. Just remember God has a plan for your life and this storm shall pass. Every storm runs out of rain.

Thank you for your response, it's been really hard since I don't have too many friends and I don't want to vent with my family yet.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I just went through a very similar situation with my wife. I thought we had normal issues I thought we could work on, but she suddenly decided she was done and now we’re headed for divorce. Worse, she won’t even talk to me any more.

The heartache and pain can really be unbearable some days. I know just how you feel. But talking to friends and family really helps, and I think it will probably help you, too. It’s ok to call on them and vent—they probably love and care about you, and will want to listen, and it will really do you some good. It won’t make the pain go away, but it still helps.

Also journal and write through what you are feeling, etc—that has helped me a lot, too. And talk with a therapist if you can.

None of that will completely erase the pain, but it helps. Eventually it will lessen and go away. It might take a long time. I still have times when I get so depressed. But it is getting better.

I wish you well, and feel free to talk anytime if you want to.

Thank you Robofrogg for responding, it really helps knowing what I'm not alone in this and you know exactly how that pain feels, did you ever try to get therapy with your ex? I do wanna try but he doesn't and I don't want to push too much because I'm afraid I'll ruin any tiny chance that I have to make work, even though he says everything will be better and he'll be there for us and the relationship with the kids, with my as a parent is gonna better, I'm afraid it won't

Unfortunately I did not try joint therapy. I wish I had pushed for it, but I didn’t for some reason, not until it was just too late. It’s just one of so many things I wish I’d done differently. But that’s another thing I have to learn to accept— the past is the past. I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. It’s easy to want to keep beating myself up about things I did or didn’t do, but my therapist has taught me that I need to forgive myself, learn from it, and move on.

I wish I could tell you if you should push for therapy harder or not, but I can’t. Maybe he truly thinks you two can work it out, but it might also be that he has already checked out.

One thing you definitely need to do is communicate. You need to talk with him, and get a picture of exactly what is happening with your marriage, and what his thoughts and feelings are about it. The TRUTH. You might not like the answers you get, but at least you will know. It’s definitely better than not knowing until it’s too late.

Thanks for sharing all of this, and yes we're being very honest to each other and that's how I know that he has feelings for someone else already but I think if she wasn't in the picture, therapy would be an option, maybe who knows .....he says he needs to fulfill, find himself first and then see if we still a thing but yet he's talking to someone and makes me more confused I really don't think that's the way to find yourself is more like finding somebody to fill that void.
Other thing that's being a major concern are my kids especially the older one how I'm gonna break it down to him, he's doing so good in school, he's such a good boy and I'm afraid those will change after this, do you have any children?? If you do how did you tell them??

I don’t have any children, so I’m sorry but I can’t offer you any advice on that, but I can only imagine how much more difficult that makes things.

My guess would be that you just need to be honest and open with them about what is going on. It sounds like you raised them well, and while it will of course be very sad for them, they will get through it. Just give them as much love and support as you possibly can. That’s probably the most important thing— they both need to understand none of this has anything to do with them. Make sure they understand that you and dad still love them as much as ever.

Well, anyway that’s what I would do in your situation but I can’t say I’m speaking from experience.

Thanks again, any advice is so welcome and helpful, I don't wanna tell.the kids what's happening until he moves out of the house, trying to avoid extra days of suffering, not sure if it's the best way but that's what I wanna do....
This afternoon we had a long chat with my husband and we always come to the same wanting the best for the kids, even if that means that he won't be my husband anymore or that he needs to spend time alone or with another person, but hopefully to better all of us.

Hey, that’s actually really good that you and your husband both want what’s best for the kids! At least that is one thing to be grateful for in such a horrible situation :).

I find reading paperback books, curled up crying on the couch, helps me get through bad relationship times. There is a book I really like, it's more for break ups and not marriage break ups, but it has some humor and some good insight too. If you have Amazon Prime, you could get the paperback delivered to you in 1-2 days.

"It's called a break up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt

There are other good relationship books on there too. This has helped me in the past. Hope it helps you to read these.

For sure I'll look it up, I appreciate it!!

How are you doing? Just wondering because I’m currently in pretty much the same situation. Husband blindsided me about a week and half ago saying he needed space. Then as we talked last night, Sid he wants to continue the separation to see what else is out there. I don’t understand and wish I had some sort of clarity. I don’t have a lot of friends, and most of the family I do have is his. And I do t have the distractions of raising kids as mine are 16 and 21. It’s an all around crappy time in my life, I feel as if I should move on, but then have my doubts as I love him so much and obviously he’s hurting since he’s kept it inside. I do have a therapist and she thinks I need to work on myself, as do my kids.