Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

The struggle of No Communication

dclaus
dclaus
Clearly one of the hardest things about being discarded by someone we love is the concept of no communication. I have been struggling with NC myself, even though I know that my stbx is completely toxic to me and talking to her or seeing her savagely brings to surface the pain of losing our relationship, I do miss her a lot and wish I could talk to her and be friends with her.

I have been resisting the urges and intend to do so, but the urges are very strong and I think that is the WORSE part of being discarded. That longing and need to talk to them or see them. The constant nagging in the back or our minds and hoping that we might catch a glimpse of them somewhere. That is the part that I want to go away, it would make things so much easier if I didn't have her on my mind all the time and have that insanely strong longing to hear from her.
helerown
helerown
I feel your pain completely. No communication feels like straight torture for me. Seriously.
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
Stay strong in your NC with her. It can only break your routine of usually communicating with her about certain things, as well as with time, those thoughts in the back of your mind will start to fade. As you probably know, contacting those who are toxic to us or who we "have to" or "need to" let go will not allow that separation needed in order to let go.

Much strength your way.
BrooklynnMB
BrooklynnMB
I know the feeling. Thanks for responding to my post. Sounds like we get each other a little. I miss my ex so much. Even though these past six months we were back together he wasn't treating me well, at last I got to see him. Now, I don't even hear from him. It kills me. Then at least he made me happy at times, but now I'm always sad. But, that brings the question to mind, do I really want to settle for someone who only makes me happy some of the time? No probably not. I deserve someone who makes me happy all of the time.

Sorry I made that about me. I just want to say I'm with you and here foryou
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
I'm 13 months post split after my wife cheated and left after 24 years and I can tell you it does get better.
I had to break NC many times to learn that it's always painful to remain in contact. It sets you back. But sometimes it's a lesson you have to learn on your own.
I now have her blocked and deleted. You have to let go, accept its over, she's not coming back and you deserve better. It takes time to reach this though, some will insist forgiveness is also required but personally I don't buy into that. She blew up the family she can work on forgiving herself. If she does or doesn't I really don't care. She's in my past and she can stay there.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
I can feel your pain, but you need to be gentle with yourself. It is a highway that no one wants to travel on. But it does get better with time and hard work. No Contact is so important for you and your well being. Hugs
pinkrose28
pinkrose28
I think it takes time before you can establish it and really stick with it. I think if you ask anyone here who tried no contact and it worked the first time around... you would find out that the chances of that are rare. just keep trying and you will get to a place where you can see it gets easier!
jstcyn
jstcyn
OMG....I don't know what to say besides DITTO! I feel the very same!
murphytoronto
murphytoronto
Of course

we all feel the same

and none of us generally are successful with total NC

I know we desparately want some sign that they care about us

THEY DO NOT
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • MelT2020

    Happy National Underwear Day - Aug 5th

    Posted by: MelT2020
    Last Reply: JazzyLady
    2
  • Tired

    Mild Shock Coming Back to Car

    Posted by: Tired
    Last Reply: billwfriend
    2
    I had gone to the grocery store.  When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute.  A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked.  I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds.  But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026.  I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away.  It was an ordinary middle age...