It gives me reason to pause really, but it really shouldnt matter.

I have experienced this stigma. It was applied to me by MYSELF and removed by the only person who COULD remove it... ME!

Choose to define yourself by who you are, not what you have endured.

Yes, I have found that I usually get a sympathetic response as if there is some Scarlet Letter. But, doesn't bother me. I love red. ;)

Oh I forgot this, "You reflect what you project." Project love, compassion, understanding, refusal to judge, confidence, happiness, .... you get the general idea!

It hasn't affected my stbx lying, cheating sack of shit...he still finds women to move in with, sponge off of, and lie to. (He's on his second divorce.) So, I'm thinkin' you'll be alright Heave cuz you are a decent person. I know I will! :-)

I think it depends on the situation. My ex divorced me to go be with her OM so it really is a reflection on her character, not mine. In these kinds of cases there really was nothing that the spouse could do to hold the marriage together.

Of course, the cheating spouse may claim that they were cheated on to cleanse their reputation so people are naturally skeptical of divorcees in general.

I have no prejudices against divorced men while dating. It's not necessarily their fault, nor is divorce necessarily a bad thing. I also give extra points to guys in therapy because I feel like all the best people are in therapy or have been. It shows they are digging deeper and trying to improve.

Oh well. I am really getting in shape and looking much better. I am down over 32 pounds and I am getting in incredible shape. Maybe my looks will make up for the stigma. I have been swimming over a mile a day so I am really toning up and feeling good.

I am just fustrated because I was supposed to have a date tonight and she backed out because she said that she couldn't handle the whole not quite divorced thing.

I've only run into this a few times, and only because the people who disagreed with my divorce have deep religious beliefs behind their disgust. ("If you were a better Christian, you never would have gotten a divorce.")

For the most part, people have been pretty understanding. And I don't even have to explain why it happened.

Exactly Steve, I believed my stbx when he told told me he had been cheated on by his first ex-wife...Well, I found out a lil differently now didn't I?! LOL! I'm sure he's used that excuse on a whole lot of women! I wouldn't not date another man if he told me that as everyone is different.

That's different though.

If you're divorcED, it's over with and done.

If you're divorcING, it's an ongoing process. And it may be over as far as emotionally for you, but where do you draw the line about infidelity? At what point is the marriage officially over with?

Your marriage is over when someone walks out and says it is over and they are filing for divorce. That is really the end of things. My marriage is definately over and I am legally separated. I feel divorced because everything has been split up and property has been divided.

A divorce is a divorce when you feel that it is over and the divorce is going to happen. I am just waiting for a piece of paper at this point....so I am really divorced.

Yeah this is an issue for me. I pretty much feel like the rest of my life people I talk to will be thinking, "So was he unfaithful, an addict, or a wifebeater?" As was mentioned I think very few people that haven't been directly in contact with it would ever think that a woman would cheat or be at fault in a marriage. I think the exception would be when the man gets the kids, then people figure there was something not "right" with their mother.

It's not a huge concern of mine. Looking back on this whole experience so far I am amazed at how many friends I really had, some of whom I haven't been in contact with for years. All of them who had known my wife and I immediately knew the real score without even having to ask. In fact the one couple we hung out with the most here when we were together is actually looking at jobs in Arizona and talking about joining me out there.

So to steal a phrase I think it's just another brick in the wall. Something that I can put up to keep me from getting involved in a relationship again. The people that I care about and am close to have been there for me, and know the truth. At this point I don't really care what anyone else thinks.

I spent 12 years treating my wife like a Queen and doing everything by her rules. I actually went looking at profiles on POF whe there was a thread on it a couple days ago. I found one attractive, clicked on it, and was like, "Wow I meet all of her requirements." Then I just closed it out and went on to something else. I'm 32 and the rest of my life is going to be for me. I'm not wasting any more time trying to meet someone else's standard or impress them with how well I can do what they want.

In heart yes, but entering a relationship in the middle of a divorce is risky business. I know I dated a man that was in the middle of his divorce and it was crybabyin' drama. The STBX actually came after me once and I'm small and breakable yet vicious when cornered. She also used our relationship against him in court. I personally wont date another Divorcee unless he has that meanlingless piece of paper that states he has no reason (other then children) to contact his prior mate.

They need to come up with a better term than separation. That implies you're apart, but only temporarily. Or, I'm thinking about getting divorced, but I haven't quite made up my mind yet.

Trying to explain divorce and separation to someone who hasn't gone through it is...difficult. I mean, supposedly 50% of the population is getting divorced, but this place still sees people showing up wondering how they're going to live through it. As if it's some new debilitating virus or something.