Little side note, my wife this morning mentioned she would be putting the ring back on. Well, she hasn't, so I asked her about it. She yelled at me, in front of the kids, that it would give me mixed messages and she never said that. Then talked about how our separation has officially begun. Again, in front of the kids. Sick of being treated like this.

And thanks basnime. Totally agree. It helps talking to others who are going through the same thing.

it's inportant tgat you not let her frame everything to her advantage.

So what that you have a longer commute!

Get a good lawyer and don't move out!

Protect your interests.

No idea what happened. Mid-life crisis? She swears up and down that she's not with anyone else, and maybe I'm a chump, but I believe her. She has been corresponding with her ex a lot through calls and texts, but she has not had the time to have a physical affair. Maybe an emotional one, but even then, I don't think that's what did it. I think that was an effect of the split, not the reason. Hard to tell at this point.

As far as her getting to stay in the house, it's not just the commute. It's her shorter hours, and her ability to pick up and drop off the kids whenever needed. I don't have that luxury. I am an hour and a half commute each way, she is 10 minutes. My work day, including commute, is 7-7. Her's is 8-3:30. Big difference. Plus, if I'm being honest, she does a great job of handling the kids. No complaints there. It just seems like the person initiating the split should be the one that has to find another housing arrangement. But because I am being the bigger person, for the sake of my children, I lose out. Just seems horribly unfair.

And last night, she noticed I took my ring off as well. She didn't seem the least bit upset at first, but then she started giving me a hard time about it. Asked me if it was tit for tat, as if I had some hidden motive for doing it. I told her this morning that the reason I took it off is because that ring symbolizes hope, devotion, and love, and I am not feeling any of those things from her. So continuing to wear it would be dishonest. Meanwhile, it took the better part of an hour for me to fully remove, as I didn't want to at first, and kept trying to decide if it was the right thing to do. When she took hers off it was done in 5 seconds, and out away right away.

Yes, we have. I accused her of having an emotional affair and she said you can call it what you want. She said nothing sexual was going on, but that she likes the fact that he pays attention to her. I asked if she loved him or wanted to be with him and she said no. Said she doesn't want to and can't be with anyone until she fixes herself. I will say this, if in a short period of time after I move out, if that's where this goes, and she is dating him, that will tell me everything I need to know. Oh, and he just separated from his wife. Convenient.

She's full of shit..sorry to be blunt. She's planning her life with him and getting her ducks in a row. Her comments about you removing your ring is classic blame shifting, she has to make herself the victim to alleviate her guilt. In her mind she has to convince herself this is all your fault so she can live with choices. Believe me she is NOT going to be "on her own to fix herself" that is the oldest line in the breakup book. She's already seeing her ex. I'd be lawyering up and protecting yourself financially

*live with her choices...

All new format and still no edit button

It is hell, but it does get easier. The depth of the betrayal is the worst. I was left feeling so stupid and worthless, my confidentlce decimated. We had been together 27 years married almost 15 with 2 kids when I found out about a long term affair. It is hard not to feel worthless after being treated that way.

But, it gets better. I am 2 years out. While I am not "over it" and not ready to date, life is pretty good again. I can see (and feel) the ways I and the kids are better off.

No contact - or, minimal just around the kids. Txt not talking. Is certainly the way to go.


Sending you good vibes

As cliche as it may sound, she won't miss you until you are gone. Every exchange you have with her, you're hoping for a miracle that will spark her to want to try, while she uses that same moment to justify her behavior and kill the marriage once and for all. She probably has a rose-glassed end-game all thought out, one where you suddenly say, "yes, I love you so much that I will file for divorce so you can always say the choice was mine, but we will always be friends, the kids will adjust and thrive while we cheerily make mutual decisions on their behalf, and i will be happy for you and become best friends with your new boyfriend." As horrible as she is treating you, and as adamant as she is about wanting a divorce, don't be surprised at her shock and anger when you actually start to pursue it. While she is unwilling to let go of this emotional affair (physical or not, it is an affair), there is no way she will put any effort into a relationship with you, because in her mind, that would be wrong.

I will pray for her heart to change!

Oh, she is just the type to be shocked and angered when I decide to move on. I think she thinks I've already met someone. Just the way she acts when I'm out with my friends , pissed that I changed the password on my phone (she did that first). She will be so pissed when I move on, but by then it will already be way, way too late. Today she intimated I wasn't hurting. Good lord she's either ignorant, or so narcissistic that she's blinded. I called her the second. She didn't like that.

almost the same story.. 4 weeks back my wife of 12 years told me she is in love with her coworker (15Years older than her) she need a divorce fast. now she is pushing me to get out of the house. we have 2 boys, I'm worried about them. am not getting any sleep... depression, tensions... medications are not good enough to control the emotions. I believe in Karma... one day she will learn the lesson.

also we tried the counseling. she told the counselor she don't want to stay in this marriage and walk out....im still seeing the counselor. I hope I can sleep better today (with the help of pills). still I'm so hurt. I love her more than anything....still I love her...

Wow, this seems so similar to my situation. I'm pregnant with our second child and my husband just decided he didn't love me anymore. I asked to try counseling, but he says a divorce is all he wants. I'm in law school and dealing with this and finals is awful.