I also predict that you won't know your stbx's full anger until all of this hits her, and she realizes that she's not going to get to keep living the life she's been living ......minus you.


Hey I did great financially. I'm the saver. My ex was the spender. I don't live the life of your wife/stbx, but then I never expected too.

Divorce hurts everyone financially. I read an article that said it takes about two years post-divorce for the financial end to settle down.

I ended up with debt because I had more assets than my ex. But that's okay. I am slowly paying off the debt, own my place, and my car and have a good job. I save and manage to do a few fun things. Each year I have set a financial and have met it or will meet it. That's all you can do.

Really sit down and make a budget. If she is the one spending, and you are the saver and the financial manager, put all money in an account that only you can touch. I know a guy who did this with his wife. She would raid the savings, bounce checks, etc. He finally opened an account in his name only, put his paycheck in there, put her on an allowance, done. Nothing illegal. He had every right to do this, and so do you. Husbands and wives can have separate accounts.

Second, call the credit agencies and make it so she can't open any credit cards in your name. I think it is called a credit freeze. I did this when I first separated so ex and the skank ho/now wife couldn't run up a bunch of credit cards and leave me hanging with the debt.

You can find a way out of this. Avoid bankruptcy if you can.

Hugs, Rman! Hang in there.

I am glad youdid this post. See when I asked the FIL for her hand he asked me if I would work 3 jobs to support his daughter. I said SURE. So there has been many times I have worked several jobs. I did not realize that they ment her staying home. I dont thinks so. For years I was the blame that she did not stay at home and the bills were not paid. She liked to spend it. Now she has been on her own for a while and the FIL bought her a house. She pays the mortage. Well found out today she cant pay the mortage ( doing the happy dance ). The point is the hell she is putting you through now will catch up with her later.

everyone has already given great ideas for you. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there, bro. You are going to be able to get your feet back under you as soon as you are able.

I am in bankruptcy but that is because the ex husband cleaned out the acct and disappeared so that he couldn't be served. I got stuck with all the debt and a house I couldn't sell due to his name on the lease.

This is scary to me...and what keeps me awake at night. My assets are not divided yet, but hopefully soon. I started an account in my name and figured about 60% of my check will still go into the join fund to cover living here and house expenses, and 40% will be for me and starting to build some sort of savings. I don't make a whole lot as compared to him but I have to start somewhere.

RMAN it is scary When you have Child Support. Alimony. Health Ins coming out of your check and not much left over. Then the kids need extra things. Mean while trying to feed yourself and have a life. Then she is playing on your kind heart to pay on other things.


It does get better. Someday.

I've never ONCE asked my ex to pay for anything other than the alimony and child support.

In fact I asked that he KEEP the presents that he buys them at his place. (Just makes sense. They don't need that much. And he can get them things that they need or would play with over there...pjs, some special clothes, a football, whatever..... Neither my ex or I got everything we wanted as kids. I don't see why our kids need Everything either...)

It was nice that he got both kids bikes this year for their birthday's and brought them over here, but I never asked or even expected him to do that.

I'm glad your taking steps in the right direction, no matter how big or small they may be, progress is progress.....plan and research options..... You're a smart guy...... even though you hate mac and cheese.....

And Z.......LMAO....was dying laughing on fb and now here.....you lil trigger happy nut.....

My financial mayhem has become priority one ...it should have been there all along. Instead I let other less important things get in the way which put me into a real self-sabotaging spiral. Time to take the reins. Once my son starts school I'll be doing the graveyard shift at UPS to supplement my income. My full time job has become rather unreliable (I'm commission-based and people just aren't spending money) so this is necessary.

Right there in the financial storm with ya Rman!

Thanks everyone...great advice and I sincerely appreciate it...I'm an idiot, so it's nice to see some people take me seriously (still love tacos)...
p.s. - sd40...I've worked a 2nd job at ups for the past 17 years...in fact I just got home from a long day. If you need any advice on the company, I'm your man...I know the in's and out's of that joint...

I'm doing better - my ex can't blow all the money I make anymore....

Lynne

Well, rman, sounds like you get a choice in the matter, at least -- take advantage of that to do what you need to do. Me? I just got slammed upside the head financially, with no warning -- he racked up debt like you would not believe and then left me suddenly and abruptly to hold the whole bag and run the business by myself, minus two people, literally overnight (well, overmorning, to be exact). I had to run the business, minus two employees, with a steel rod in my gut. I didn't have an opportunity to figure things out, things were just handed to me. So, from my perspective, you got lots of opportunity, choice and freedom. Make a plan and execute it. But play fair.

I will play fair, because I am not an ass...plus, I have kids and need to set a good example. I'm not the type of person who seeks revenge and passively acts aggressive toward someone who has hurt me. I'll tell them, cuss them out, then evaluate and do what's best for the current and future situation...

Well, my bigger point was to take advantage of your opportunity to plan and choose.