Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was just wondering how the process of breakup and or divorce has affected people financially? I'm really struggling right now, and I'm not even sure what I'm going to do anymore. It is a very scary thing...
Getting out of a bad marriage is so worth it. I have had many people who have no idea what I've gone through comment on how great I look. One person stopped me at the store and said, "I almost didn't recognize you, did you have a face lift?"
Check out Dave Ramsey. Lots of good advice on finances. You are still young. You can pay off a lot of crap and still do ok.
When I was married, my husband kept telling me he would get a job...he lied...he did finally get a job for about 2 months working at wal mart, and then he quit...again...lying to me about everything...he started stealing the debit card to the bank account and caused the account to be over drafted and I couldn't afford the monthly bills, as well as the debt I had accumulated that I had been paying off before I got married...it got to the point I ended up having to file for bankruptcy...it wasn't my most proud moment obviously, but it took a lot of stress off of me to finally have all that taken care of...and I was able to get my finances back on track...and then I got my divorce and things got better...
Enter the ex-fiance....he worked on and off...but also liked to spend money...we ended up sharing a bank account, and he decided since he was the one working (towards the end of the relationship) that all the money in the account was his and he could do what he wanted to with it (his dad's influence)...yes I'm unemployed, but I was getting unemployment, and saving money to take care of my bills, his motorcycle payment and the numerous traffic tickets he got....but, he never saw that...I made sure we had money to do fun stuff too...well, the weekend of the break up, he took 400 out of the account without talking to me about it first...leaving $70...and I finally said enough...he was being hateful to me and disrespectful...but now that I'm not with him....I worked up a nice savings again...and have been better off financially.
Bottom line is Rman, you need to take action...whether it be putting your foot down to your wife and telling her unnecessary spending needs to stop...telling her she needs to get a job and help out with household bills and use her own money to buy things for herself...or you need to just get out of the situation completely....I know its not an easy decision to make...you have your girls to think about too...but if something doesn't get done soon, things will continue to get worse and worse and that won't be good for your girls...
I really do worry about you Rman...like the others here....I hope you can take some action soon and start to make things better for yourself...and for your girls. You are an awesome person and you deserve to be happy and not so stressed out and overwhelmed....be kind to yourself and take care of yourself!!
I spend over my budget sometimes because I know my ex will save me . . .but I'm learning that everything comes with a price. If your wife is keeping you in debt she's doing it because you are allowing her to do it.
I made absolutely sure that any financial agreement between us was put in writing, dated and signed and was also included in our divorce decree. EVERY SINGLE THING imaginable went in there...
My husband bailed on our marriage at a time when I was running a non profit in a non salaried position. I had no money of my own, no college degree and no current paying position. I convinced him to refinance the house in his name only and give me the proceeds. The piddly amount from those proceeds is what I've been living off of for the past year and a half while I desperately look for employment. To say I am f@cked financially is an understatement. I've had to scrimp and save, count pennies and be a slave to a ridiculous budget that I created weekly...but its possible.
I may have gotten screwed financially, but in the end....a life free from a toxic, abusive husband is PRICELESS
My best piece of advice is to create a budget and stick to it. Its an annoyance at first, but it can truly make a difference in keeping you on track and within your means financially. When I made mine, I overestimated what I would owe for bills just to keep inflation and rate increases in mind to give myself a little cushion. I also made sure I allowed myself a small amount to treat myself once in a while. Factor in unexpected expenses as well as setting aside stuff for things like "unexpected car expenses".
I'm sorry Rman, I know this is tough.
Obviously i have no input for you Rman.......just a hug.
There are so many decisions that have to be made. Will you have an easy divorce or will she fight you on everything? Will you be able to go to a mediator who will help you both divide things in an equal or appropriate fashion?
If she is capable, then she's going to have to go to work to support herself. I don't think the courts will allow otherwise unless she is sick or disabled.
I wish you much luck and I'm glad you are starting to ask questions about all of this. We are here for you. Standing with you. And it is very scary to move out of something we are use to into the unknown.
But look at so many of us doing it. if we can get through it, I know you can too.
Someday, it'll be even easier...
http://www.bankruptcyinformation.com/MD.htm
Now go be a good baby and fix things for me with your cousin....I think I gave him the wrong impression. Do you think that me inviting him to Vegas was too much?
Thanks for the info...