Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So today was the final straw with my ex and money. See, we have been divorced for 4 years. He stopped paying for child support 2 years ago because he was having money issues. I let it pass because I was nice. Also, I did not need this money to live on. I was ok with it (for awhile). A few months went by and all of a sudden he even stopped mentioning the child support and acted like it didnt exist. OKAY. Still being the nice person I am, I did not do anything about it. Then it got to the point that he stopped paying 1/2 for any expenses for the 2 kids we have. I had to get them both braces. He has paid $0 and they are now both paid off. Get the picture. He paid, zilch, nada.
Come summer last year he didnt have any money so he would not let my kids turn on the ac during the summer. They stayed at his house during their summer time until late July with NO AC. When I found out they were stuck in a house that was almost 90 degrees I lost it. I told them to either turn it on or I was coming to get them. He only had to deal with it at night cuz during the day he was at work. He also during that time lost cable and internet. Basically they sat at home in the heat with nothing to do. I called my attorney on this and she said i could not do anything because it was not considered neglect.
During all this time though, it has not stopped him from spending time and money on his new Harley and new girlfriend. Just affects our kids.
Fast forward to last week. He took my daughter shopping for a homecoming dress (on my credit card) and had to stop at the Apple store because he Ipad stopped working. Come to find out it was bad so they said they would replace it for $99. He told her to put that money on MY credit card. When she wouldnt do it, he paid for it. The next day my daughter called and asked for information to get money out of her account. My I asked why, she said it was because her dad needed that $99 because he was taking off work on Friday to go out of town with his girlfriend. WHAT?????!!!!! He was so damn desperate for money that he needed that $99 the next day. OMG I was furious. In the 4 years we have been divorced, he has not taken 1 day off to take the kids anywhere, but yet he has been to Miami, Vegas, and now at least 1 weekend away. What is wrong with this picture??????
Now, today he did it. Im done with worrying about his feeling and worrying that he will lose his home. I could care less at this point what happens to him. If it comes down to it, it just means going from 50/50 custody to me having them 100% of the time.
See, our son totalled his car last month and got a ticket. We found out that its going to cost quite a bit to get an attorney for it. When I asked my ex how he was going to help our son out with it he told me that he was not helping him at all financially and that he has to learn consequences for his actions and that he wasnt bailing him out.
Hmmmm. Really? Consequences? He hasnt paid any with his inability to assist with financially support his kids.
I have not sent a message to my attorney that I need to consult. He can live in a rat infested apartment somewhere or back at home with his parents as far as Im concerned. Im done! Im tired of being a nice person because I dont want to affect his life. Its not really the money, but the idea that he is hypocritical and he doesnt put his kids first in anything. Now that my son is graduating this coming May, I want to be sure that he pays his 1/3rd as well. Going to make sure its garnished or something. He is not getting by with spending all him money on a woman and forgetting he has kids.
Sorry for the rant, but damn Im mad!!!!!!!!!!
Come summer last year he didnt have any money so he would not let my kids turn on the ac during the summer. They stayed at his house during their summer time until late July with NO AC. When I found out they were stuck in a house that was almost 90 degrees I lost it. I told them to either turn it on or I was coming to get them. He only had to deal with it at night cuz during the day he was at work. He also during that time lost cable and internet. Basically they sat at home in the heat with nothing to do. I called my attorney on this and she said i could not do anything because it was not considered neglect.
During all this time though, it has not stopped him from spending time and money on his new Harley and new girlfriend. Just affects our kids.
Fast forward to last week. He took my daughter shopping for a homecoming dress (on my credit card) and had to stop at the Apple store because he Ipad stopped working. Come to find out it was bad so they said they would replace it for $99. He told her to put that money on MY credit card. When she wouldnt do it, he paid for it. The next day my daughter called and asked for information to get money out of her account. My I asked why, she said it was because her dad needed that $99 because he was taking off work on Friday to go out of town with his girlfriend. WHAT?????!!!!! He was so damn desperate for money that he needed that $99 the next day. OMG I was furious. In the 4 years we have been divorced, he has not taken 1 day off to take the kids anywhere, but yet he has been to Miami, Vegas, and now at least 1 weekend away. What is wrong with this picture??????
Now, today he did it. Im done with worrying about his feeling and worrying that he will lose his home. I could care less at this point what happens to him. If it comes down to it, it just means going from 50/50 custody to me having them 100% of the time.
See, our son totalled his car last month and got a ticket. We found out that its going to cost quite a bit to get an attorney for it. When I asked my ex how he was going to help our son out with it he told me that he was not helping him at all financially and that he has to learn consequences for his actions and that he wasnt bailing him out.
Hmmmm. Really? Consequences? He hasnt paid any with his inability to assist with financially support his kids.
I have not sent a message to my attorney that I need to consult. He can live in a rat infested apartment somewhere or back at home with his parents as far as Im concerned. Im done! Im tired of being a nice person because I dont want to affect his life. Its not really the money, but the idea that he is hypocritical and he doesnt put his kids first in anything. Now that my son is graduating this coming May, I want to be sure that he pays his 1/3rd as well. Going to make sure its garnished or something. He is not getting by with spending all him money on a woman and forgetting he has kids.
Sorry for the rant, but damn Im mad!!!!!!!!!!
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Please don't feel like you're doing this guy any favors. People like that never change.
Make a claim for the child support, you may not need it but it is supposed to be for the kids.
I have been collecting child support for years, and I haven't spent a cent of it. I put it away for the kids education and weddings.
This is money the kids are entitled too, their dad owes it to them.
If you have allowed him to stop, you really don't have any say in what he does with that money
File with the courts to collect what you can. You probably can't go back the four years but you may be entitled to the past year.
Don't let this man continue to abuse you
My X has paid on time, every month, since we got divorced 5 years ago. Probably because he knows that me "playing nice" doesn't happen if my money is getting screwed over, or my kid. I am a laidback, pretty easy going person, but those two things will send me from zero to 180 in a wink if I think they are being f*cked with.
I agree with the others, he is taking advantage of you. You are not obligated to be his buddy, his pal. Child support is meant to support the child...not to be some consolation prize or "hey, I'm a nice guy" payment that the paying parent "gives" us out of the kindness of their hearts. Children need STUFF, all the time, whether the parents are married and doing it together, or doing it separately. Period.
There is no in-between. I don't care if someone said to me, "But, he pays you"....yep, he does. He pays me money to care for, support, cloth, shelter, educate, sustain HIS child the 75 percent of the time he is in my care. He pays me to make sure my son's needs are met, that he can have three meals a day, clothes that fit, doctor appointments paid for. Yep, and I don't give a flying f*ck what anyone's opinion of it is.
Your children are your number one responsibility, and they are not free. It never ceases to amaze me how someone can just "choose" NOT to pay. Like these kids were born with unending bank accounts strapped to their asses.
Stop playing nice. It's not about his precious feelings (maybe he needs to grow the hell up), it's about YOUR kids.
(Also, I get how him going on vaca annoys you. My x didn't once go on vaca with my son and I, and I don't think he even took my son to the park by himself until we separated. So, I hear you there)
i cant wait for him to lose his house and then move out of the district because at one time when i wanted to do that he said f"u. I dont care anymore. Unless I lose my job. I can financially support 3 of us and be happy to have them at home all the time.
my ex screwed up today and doesnt realize it. Im done i dont care what happens. That is really sad because I wanted to work it all out and all he did was take advantage.
sad sad sad that i spent almost 20 years with that pos
Im just tired of being taken advantage of. Especially when my daughter hates it there. breaks my heart, but until he is neglegent i cant do anything. we will see.
how can a woman be with a man she knows does not support his kids. i would never. shows what kind of a*swipes are out there.
im the one who worries about my kids and life.
just like a few weeks ago i asked my kids what they want.... parties for graduation and sweet 16 or all inclusive vacation to the carribeean. they were both like VACATION. awesome me!!! dad/jerk
Get him back into court to pay his obligations. And stop being nice. It's not getting you anywhere. Don't listen to any of his pleas of poverty, no matter what he says.
Can you document and prove he is taking these trips and spending money on the girlfriend, motorcycle, etc.? If you can, that would help your case.
Sending hugs!
i know all too well what you are going through & what he is going through - long story.
whatever you do - take it easy on everyone, including yourself.
how can i say this you ask?
i know what it feels like to be you & to be your ex.
2 children, 2 different fathers
still married to the father of my 2nd child =)
i made the mistake of having a child with the WRONG person the first time around.
I always worried that with the financial struggle he will have after I take him to court that he would try to turn my kids against me and blame me for everything, but I have realized that both my children are quite aware of the situation without me even saying anything to them so at this point, I really dont have a fear any longer, and I am tired of playing the nice guy. At first I thought It would seem greedy on my part because like I said, I dont need that money to live on, but when he chooses to let me be the one 100% financially responsible, thats not greed. Its only fair.
Thanks for all the input. It all has just reassured me that I will be doing the right thing.
Per your response in number 12, leaving him in a bind and thinking it will turn the kids against you? One, that won't happen. Two, OH WELL to the bind you leave him in.
The bottom line is, when people separate or divorce with kids, child support often gets looked at like some consolation prize the ex wife (usually the ex wife, but I know there are Dads with full custody) gets, or it makes us look like "there goes that bitch, always wanting my money"...
And?
I'm sure you, like me, when you got married, you didn't say, "I can't wait until I get divorced and then get screwed over into paying everything for these kids that he was all-too-happy to make with me".
I love my son until the ends of the earth and back, and I would be DAMNED if he went "without". IF his father decided to BS me the way your ex is doing, then I could bring the CRAZY. He would know what f*cking with my kid looked like.
SO WHAT if he has to change his money game once he pays regular child support....AND? I'm willing to bet everyone on this board had to change their budgets, good or bad, because of divorce.
Child support is not a prize that comes with a divorce...it's a lawful obligation. If you all had stayed married, he wouldn't have questioned spending money on doctor appts, or school clothes, or plastic bags to put a sandwich in for lunch.
Take his ass to court and f*ck his money problems he "might" have. That is not your problem. Your kids are your concern.