Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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pattongb 01/17/2008

I remember this from my first marriage, how hurtfull the cold is in the people who used to love you so much.

Just the way they look at you and talk to you.

I was talking to my wife and she was being so mean to me. I told her "do you have any idea the pain im in".

She said "dont you think im hurting too."

I told her of course I knew she was hurting.

But she doesnt know the pain you get when someone who used to love you tells you they dont want you anymore. How could she?

"I told her, Carrie you have never had a close relative die. I have. And if you had you would know the pain im in because its the exact same sickness and ache you get inside, no different."

She just looked at me like I was giving her the 'guilt' routine.

It doesnt matter anyways. Even if she could feel or sympathize with my pain, it wouldnt change her feelings.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

Hugs to you. I know exactly what you mean. My H went from I was his top priority to "leave me alone" in a month. When I asked how he could change like that, he said, "people change". I told him it hurt so much and apparently he didn't get it.

pattongb 01/17/2008

Like I just noticed now today. My wife and I send a lot of emails back and forth. Me from home her from work.

Used to be some personal stuff, but now its all business. Kids appointments etc.

She tells me she still loves me, is my best friend, and hopes this all works out.

Yet I now notice that all of her email replies never have a Love or the XXOO she used ALWAYS put on them.

Stuff like that just hurts. Damn.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

It is so hard I feel your pain. My stbx tells me all the time he wants to work it out but does nothing to show me. He doesnt seem to care that I am dying in side. I am trying to get well and stand on my own 2 feet. I am trying to be happy and get on with my life. I just cant seem to do it.

pattongb 01/17/2008

You can do it! So many thousands have! I know there doesnt seem to be an end to the pain, but its there!

Having gone through this once before, its only my knowledge that yes some day the pain goes away that is keeping me upright.

I hope I am still right because I loved my 2nd wife soooo much more than I ever loved my 1st.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

I know man...I hear what you are saying and it does hurt. I would get a bunch of emails from her each day at work and it made me so happy and proud. Had a smile on my face all day. Then she would call some times and our receptionist didnt always recognize her voice and so the receptionist would ask "can I tell him who is calling" and my wife would say "the reason for living"...how true.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

One thing that my stbx did to me was invited my younger brother to live with us to help him find a job. IN two weeks he drug my brother around and my brother got this fantastic job. My stbx never showed that kind of support to me. Not even when I needed him most. That hurt more then anything. If I ever wanted anything like to return to school or work I had to pay for college or the day care expenses. And then he called my mother and complained that I was working and not home to kneel at his feet all the time any more.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

Callous! That's what my stbx became after he told me "there might be someone else". That was a side of him, I had never seen. All he cared was about himself.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

What hurts me the most is that the person that used to be a part of me for the past 5 years (and I mean he WAS, it wasn't my emagination) now acts as if he's not part of my life any more, and we didn't even start divorce yet. That really hurts, the realization that once close to you person is now a stranger. And all of that just in a couple of months.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

This coldness behavior seems to be quite common. A dumper can turn a close relationship into nothing but a business partnership that needs to be dissolved in no time. It's very callous and selfish. I am struggling with this. Don't understand how feelings can change so quickly - seemingly almost over night.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

EveT, I was wonder if it was just a dream that for 16 years H has been in part of my life and now the relationship turns into a business partnership that could be dissolved in no time like Lisa956.

And no I love you in the email anymore.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

I know what you are saying. Mine tells me you know this has to be hurting me too. I tell him he has no idea how much it hurts to be rejected. He found someone to replace my love and affection even before we were seperated. Being alone through all of this makes it very hard. He has the ow to comfort him and to give him support.

TSand 01/17/2008

I am no longer looking for my wife to undertand my pain. I am taking care of my own pain. She walked away. She chose to leave. I get it. Asking her to care is really not productive. Why would I continue to try and go to someone who felt it was okay to hurt me like she did? Right now I am trying to get up the strength to actually file for divorce. There is something in me that just isn't quite ready to give up. However, I am grateful that I no longer want expect anything from her.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

Geez, I go through that with my husband. His attitude toward me has totally changed. He used to be attentive and supportive and we were close .... emotionally. But now ..... it's like the break-up has distanced his emotions even though he'll tell me he's grieving too.

deleted_user 01/17/2008

I totally get it. My husband used to be so loving and supportive. Now he tells me that he has no feelings for me anymore(after 15 years) and never will again. He also told me that he feels nothing when I cry, that it doesn't bother him at all. He also compared me to chopped liver during our last counseling appt. Nice huh?

deleted_user 01/17/2008

Bunch of creeps! Ooops! That just slipped out!

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