I see my what if person every time I go and visit my parents. He and his family moved into the neighborhood. Unfortunately he is married with four kids and I have no intention of pursuing. I know how bad it hurts and would not want to inflict that pain on anyone else.

you can always see things clearly after the fact. i do wonder if my 'what if' person could've been. he was an amazing man, and i could see myself w/him. i'm not giving up yet. he is worth waiting for.

No one has a crystal ball. It's very easy to look back and think someone else could have worked out better. Grass is greener and all that.

If you see your 'what if' you might be disappointed, you might be thrilled. Personally, I have had some contact with my 'what if' (college/grad school ex) and he's grown into a WONDERFUL man. That does not mean we are going to somehow magically end up together, but it makes me feel good that I had such good taste while young.

It's helped me put into perspective why I chose someone so different and why that hasn't worked out.

You have to be realistic. You've changed, the person has changed. How much of the feelings are based on who you are today vs those memories of the past. It can be wonderful to have someone special back in your life, but I don't think you can expect things to ever be the same (they might be better though - so it could be worth a shot. And at least you'll KNOW).

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't realize in time I should have married her, then I ended up with someone I can't stand now, who cheated on me (probably still is) and now it's looking like I am going to give up, I either want to die or get divorced, I can't stand it anymore. I'd give anything to be able to go back and be with that "what if" person.

Don't know if I would use the term 'what if.' I had a youthful love that was actually disastrous on many levels. But the 'what ifs' about the relationship, rather than that person as an aindividual, will always haunt me. What if I never feel that sort of passionate intensity about anyone else again? Maybe it was enough to have felt it once - it led me in some pretty non-rational directions (but then again I was young).

The things that made it intense, though - I would want those if I ever can imagine getting into another relationship again - and that seems very very very imaginary right now. He is literary and I am literary. He is leftist and I am leftist. He is intellectual and swims in the milieu of words and feeling, as am I and do I.

I have learned a lot about those essentials of compatability - intellectual, humanistic and political outlook - that I overlooked with my STBX. My STBX and I (so I thought) shared certain values in common. But after his recent behaviors, I understand that we actually don't have similar values at all.

My other 'what if' is any guy with long, dark and curly hair. In my youthful years I wasn't all about the guy's butt or his eyes or his 6-pack abs or anything else, but you put in front of me a head of long, dark and curly hair (again we think fo Capt. Jack Sparrow) and I get weak in the knees.

Needless to say, the STBX is a blonde. Shoulda seen it coming.

Could I keep my kids and grandbabies?

my what if person is my ex. i sought him out after almost 10 years. so i guess that answers those questions. that sucks.